thebastion | Day 100 :: mingle - end of the core hunt[open]

One more person might not have saved anyone. [ He sighs, reaching up and fluttering his fingers across Kaoru's hair lightly, brushing is from his face. ]

There have been expeditions with more people going out that were dreadful failures because of the losses suffered merely out of careless wandering. Consider how many people we have lost in the short time we've been here, when this is supposed to be a refuge?

More people or less people, numbers rarely matter in any fight. It is training, skill and sense that make the difference. If you want to help, keep learning. Use your shards to help yourself gain comparable skills. Otherwise, I urge you to make due here. Help in the hospital. Surely that is reward on its own.

[he relaxes with the touch, eyes still closed as he leans towards it and breathes out softly, tiredly]

...you're right. I'll do my best.

Thank you, Seimei.

[realising she is not the centre of attention anymore, Tama-chan turns a circle in Seimei's lap, nudging Kaoru's hands with her nose and horn]

[ He reaches down, lifting Tama-chan up and stroking her like one might a cat though his eyes remain on Kaoru. ]

Always, Kaoru. You need never thank me for what you deserve. Now, why not get up and go to the onsen? You need to wash.

[ Of course he didn't say anything about himself. So far as anyone could tell, Seimei didn't bathe, he simply existed in a perpetually clean state. It so happened that he was very private and made visits when most people were asleep. Ho ho. ]

[opens his eyes as Tama-chan's insistent head butting suddenly stops, watching her settle in Seimei's arms contentedly]

...you're rather intent on getting me to the onsen. But you said my luck was just fine. [with a hint of his usual humour] Do I smell?

[is that so, Seimei? Kaoru may have to join you on these little bathing expeditions...]

A bit, yes. Nothing so offensive I could not handle it, but you are covered in blood, Kaoru. Regardless of luck, you need to clean up and take care of yourself as well. Stress and fatigue are just as able to kill a person as anything else. I am asking you to take care of yourself.

[ He sighs, frowning faintly and arching a brow at the red-head. ]

[slightly wearily, though he accepts and takes Seimei's points on board, staring to get to his feet] Message received, message received. No need to look at me like that, really...

[leaning against the wall for a moment. Tama-chan will get onto Seimei's shoulder, if he gives her the opportunity, otherwise she'll be quite content in his arms]

[ Tama has all the freedom she could possibly want, in regards to Seimei, who never has any intention of restricting her growth and exploration, nor her interactions. So far as he in concerned, baby girls should want for nothing. ]

I am not nagging you, do not behave childishly. Under normal circumstances, how long would you sit around with blood saturating your clothing? You are stressed and shocked. Soaking at the onsen will be nothing if not helpful.

...I didn't think for a second that you were. O-or maybe I did but nagging isn't the word I would have used.

I might say that I wish you would worry about me a bit less but... I guess it's one of those things that comes with the territory.

[tilting his head down the hall to indicate that he's ready to go]

...and it's not that much blood. Even though it is a little bit gross.

Worry less? [ He murmurs, frowning faintly and turning away for a moment. Lips purse in thought, expressions vying for position before he finally settles on one of those annoying, enigmatic smiles that say plainly enough that whatever he really means isn't what he's saying. ]

Of course. I imagine I am being a bit of a burden. I apologize, of course, for stifling you in any way.

That you worry about me it's not... stifling, not really. It's kind of, I don't know. Like a blanket? [the kind you can wrap yourself up in and feel like everything's okay. It's nice, in a way, to know that he has someone who worries about him. But he just wishes that Seimei would fret less]

...I don't even know if that makes sense.

[ Simply nodding in answer, Seimei stands and dusts himself off, gesturing vaguely towards the onsen. ]

However you describe it, the end result is the same: I am keeping you from growing.

[tilts his head to one side]

...blankets keep people from growing?

Ah...no. No they do not, but...[ He blinks, tilting his head and casting a wary, sidelong look at Kaoru. ]

Then what are you trying to say, Kaoru?

[wrapping his arms around himself]

...I don't like making people worry.

But at the same time knowing I have someone to look out for me, someone... someone who cares. Even if I'm worried they fret needlessly about me, it... it's nice.

...it makes me feel safe.

It isn't needless, Kaoru. You do things that I need to worry about, but you do not have to feel responsible in any way. I...well, I want to worry about you. Is it not my right to do so, as someone who is courting you? And I hardly think I am fretting needlessly, when what you do puts you at risk for bodily harm.

[ He sighs, tilting his head to regard the red-head before reaching out and tentatively touching his hand. ]

I am trying not to be terribly overbearing.

I'm not concerned about whether or not you're overbearing, so much as my inconveniencing you, or putting you to unnecessary trouble, if that makes sense.

[twines his hand gently with Seimei's. Honestly, he could do with a good hug right now but he's bloody and gross and smelly, thanks Seimei. After his bath, maybe he'll try it]

If I ever become troublesome...

You could never become such a thing. I've only had one person before you to worry about in my life so my life has been largely stress-free. Consider this the universe working back towards balance. I've had a life unnaturally free of care. I can only benefit from having someone to concern myself with.

[ He smiles uncertainly, looking down at their hands before inhaling deeply and tightening his grip, taking that mental leap. the thrill in the Skyway of taking Kaoru's hand was too much to pass up in a less life-threatening environment. ]

[squeezes Seimei's hand a little shyly, gently tugging him to follow to the path to the onsen]

...I'm sorry I dragged you into all that.

Into what? The fight? I might have done it anyways, depending on the situation. While I am perfectly content to let others suffer for their own idiocy, standing idly by while they die is not to my taste. It is one thing to care not a whit if humanity is decimated and entirely another to allow it to be snuffed out. Balance is integral. I do what I must to uphold it.

Even so, they might have done just as well, had I not stepped in. The others have no compunction about risking the lives of others in order to make themselves look heroic. [ He sniffs and tilts his chin, slender black brows arching imperiously. ]

[sighs softly, bowing his head slightly and closing his eyes] ...do you think people are as concerned about appearances as all that? I mean, this is about our survival and all...

[ He frowns, expression thoughtful as he guides Kaoru out of the hospital. ]

Consider this - Lady Rin knows she has a habit of explosive behavior and losing control. She has not worked very hard of late to address this. Instead, she purposely torments herself going to the Skyway to surround herself with the death and destruction of her world and those she cared for. She does not even take solace in her budding relationship with her friend.

Bon is an enabler. While I do not think anyone should be held responsible for the actions of another, when you enter into a relationship you are partially responsible for cultivating a good environment and tending to the emotional and physical health and well-being of the other person. Part of why so many relationships fail is a refusal to acknowledge and fulfill this duty.

Sonic is glory-hound, addicted to the rush of taking risks, arrogant to the point of narcissism and has an extraordinarily large hero complex.

As for the others, Lord Alucard is so detached from humanity he has only the mildest concepts of social interaction and needs among other species. Lady Triss closes herself off and contains a bitterness that stays her hand and seals her lips when she should press forward and be more honest with herself. Young Ippo is so desperate for the approval of others when he should take more care of himself, and he suffers from an almost compulsive need to prove himself. Not to mention his obsession with throwing himself into a fight in order to protect others without taking proper regard to the fact that he is more valuable alive.

So you tell me, Kaoru. Are people more concerned with appearances, or survival? I might remind you that the hospital was not the first choice people made, and while I am grateful for the onsen, is it not an enormous indulgence? I am certainly guilty of perpetuating this, but the point remains unchanged. People are behaving as though their problems might simply go away, or that they may suddenly return home and all of this will be but a bad dream when they need to open their eyes and accept the fact that this is their life, now.

You're not wrong, I guess... It's a little hit harsh, though.

[brings them to a stop, reaching to Seimei's other hand] ...so? How about me?

[ He stops when Kaoru does and watches the boy take his other hand, frowning faintly. It takes him time to speak, to make sure what he says can't be misconstrued or taken too negatively. He would, in this case, attempt to be honest despite his misgivings. ]

You see too much good in people. Even if it is there, you assign it more value than you should, with reckless disregard to everything else. You actively choose to overlook the bad, which realistically only encourages that negative part of another person.

Moreover, you devalue yourself. You act as though your worth is not the same as another person's for no reason other than you are not what that person is. Why would anyone want two of the same people, Kaoru? Everyone is worth everything, and nothing. You cannot put a numerical value on a person, no matter how many or how few powers they have, whether they are human or demon or spirit, so you should stop trying to weight the scales and put yourself on the same level as others.

You are Hitachiin Kaoru, and you have no standards to live up to but your own. You should, however, find yourself. Certainly. Yet you should do it without comparing yourself to others. You are supposed to find Kaoru, you are not supposed to find the Kaoru like this person or that person.

Edited 2013-08-28 12:38 (UTC)

[he dips his head and listens carefully to what Seimei has to say. The truth is that every word is pretty much spot on. He knows this. He also knows that his nature is to run away the moment he has been seen through, the moment he has been found, and for that reason he holds Seimei's hands a little tighter.

...find Kaoru. That earns a small smile. Their whole host club schtick had been the "which one is Hikaru?" game after all. It had never been about finding Kaoru. In any case, they would smudge the lines between their identities anyway and although they had each grown adept at impersonating the other, Hikaru had never been as good at imitating Kaoru's voice, or overriding his own natural impatience.

And Hikaru had been Kaoru's whole world for so long, it was second nature for Kaoru to place himself second.

Quietly, and slowly enough that Seimei can move away, he steps forward to lean his forehead against Seimei's shoulder, the shoulder Tama-chan isn't occupying]

...I accept what you're saying. I do.

[ He stands there in stiff silence, eyes staring forward past Kaoru and down the way, hands still before finally lifting both hands, pale fingers splayed and pressing lightly against Kaoru's back as the onmyoji holds him. A very simple, very careful embrace. ]

I will never be dishonest with you, Kaoru. I swear it. In turn, please do not ever hate me too much for what I am forced to say in my pursuit of an honest relationship built on trust. I want to give you only good things. I simply have no idea how precisely to do it.

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