The Psiioniic (
polariity) wrote in
thebastion2015-03-09 12:16 am
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Entry tags:
Day 288
Who: The Helmsman and you
Open: Open
When: Day 288
Where: By the entrance to the Skyway
What: The Helmsman ventures out and comes back with some shinies he's heard so much about.
Format: Any
Warnings: The usual difficulties that come with chatting it up with him
Regardless of the tension that's flared up because of recent discussions, it seems as though the Helmsman's schedule hasn't changed particularly greatly. Today, just like every other day, he ventures outwards from the Tower. Unlike every other day, however, he doesn't venture off onto Dragonfield or wander about the Bastion or lay face down on the grass. Instead, when he shows up again, it's from the direction of the Skyway and a bruise blossoming on one side of his face.
And then he lays down on the grass where anyone could step on him.
At least it's not just laying, this time. Sparks of red and blue lift up tiny little shards for him to inspect curiously. For anyone in the area, he's not hard to miss.
Open: Open
When: Day 288
Where: By the entrance to the Skyway
What: The Helmsman ventures out and comes back with some shinies he's heard so much about.
Format: Any
Warnings: The usual difficulties that come with chatting it up with him
Regardless of the tension that's flared up because of recent discussions, it seems as though the Helmsman's schedule hasn't changed particularly greatly. Today, just like every other day, he ventures outwards from the Tower. Unlike every other day, however, he doesn't venture off onto Dragonfield or wander about the Bastion or lay face down on the grass. Instead, when he shows up again, it's from the direction of the Skyway and a bruise blossoming on one side of his face.
And then he lays down on the grass where anyone could step on him.
At least it's not just laying, this time. Sparks of red and blue lift up tiny little shards for him to inspect curiously. For anyone in the area, he's not hard to miss.
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"You were never good with people doing that. When people did things for you when we were with him, you know? If you like them, let them do it. Be your friend. It's okay to let people get close Psii."
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h4lluc1n4t10n2 d0nt b3c0m3 fr13nd2
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"Hallucinations are the best friends. Not that they are hallucinations. They're people. Weird people to you probably since they're treating you like one of them, huh? People being nice to you doesn't make them hallucinations."
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h4lluc1n4t10n2 4r3nt fr13nd2. Seemingly more denial, until- th3y m19ht 4ctu4lly 63 r34l
Just like before, he seems intrinsically terrified of this idea... And having a lot harder time denying it now.
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"Real people can be friends, that's right. They're definitely real too. After all that's happened, you sort of know that, right? Deep down."
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And he doesn't like it.
The energy is erratic and broken apart, even harder to read than usual. fuck fuck fuck 1t2 r34l 2h1t 2h1t
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"It's okay. It's real, I'm real, this is real. And it's okay. Shhhoosh. "
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The words can't form, nothing but jagged overexcited bursts of energy, and he's practically shaking himself into non-existence. A sudden burst of energy propels him against her, claws digging into her clothes as a long keening noise drags out from his throat.
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"Shooosh. Shhh, it's..." Her voice trails off and she can't just repeat the same platitudes.
"I know it's hard. To accept. I know it was so hard to deal with your mind making things up to keep you sane, dreaming of us, of rescue, of hope. And I know it's seemed like a long ridiculous dream... And I know I'm not all of them and I'm not the best at this and--Shhh."
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There's so much he needs to say, wants to say, but all he can do is cling to her as she talks, trying to force his lungs to work.
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"In and out, okay? Breathe in. Breathe out."
Somehow they always end up with the worst of his moments out in the open air. It'd be worrying if she cared about people seeing.
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It gives his mind something else to focus on as well, a mind that could watch over every bit of data in a whole Alternian battleship now focused on one order: breathe. His fingers knead against her clothes as he tries to focus again, throat a rattle as the tears start to gather up in his eyes again and flood down his cheeks, his throat.
But at least he's breathing.
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"If you need to talk, I can--listen? Not listen, read, you know--you know what I meant."
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The result is him lying limp in her arms, air shakily making its way to his lungs. He's not sure how much time passes before his pan finally thinks to conjure up the words again.
fuck
...Well. Word. Singular. That sums up the situation pretty eloquently.
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"I agree. Sounds about right. I'm pretty sure I said that word a lot in my head when we found you."
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1m 20rry 1m 20rry 1 d1dnt w4nt y0u t0 233
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"You like that? I'd rather have seen it than...I was glad I was there. If she'd brought you back alone--I don't know if she could have honestly. But I would have felt terrible. I was glad to be there, even if it was awful to see what you'd been trapped in."
And guilt still sits heavy in her stomach at how she hesitated at the water surrounding him, how she told him to shut up when he quipped about the lucky three. Even if she'd shoved down all her horrible feelings of betrayal at being almost mocked as a hallucination, she still felt the guilt over it.
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m3 4t 4ll. 1m 4ll fuck3d up. 1m n0t l1k3 1m 2upp023d t0 63 f0r y0u
Just a slave again, worse than before, bitter and hateful and fuck, fuck, how long has he been calling her fake and not real?
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She goes silent, pressing her face against his hair again. She left him, she left them, she ran, she ran like a coward, like a fool, and she can't repay him for not hating her. She could never, not in a thousand sweeps.
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y0u d323rv3 3v3ryth1n9 why
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"I left you. To that. Him to his. Her to hers. I ran. I never deserved the chance to see you again, to see you still cared about me."
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t0ld y0u t0
1 4lw4y2 kn3w wh4t w42 c0m1n9
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"I know. I just--I should have done something. Pulled your restraints off, fought...something...Nnn, this is stupid. I didn't want to talk about this sort of thing. I'm just--happy you're really there. That you know I'm really here."
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Awkward and unused to it all over again, he presses his head against her shoulder like that can offer any comfort. He doesn't like seeing her upset. She's real and here and true and her pain is not a hallucination. It makes him sick to think he treated it as such.
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"I was safe." She promises. Just not the safe he wanted, the safe like they were when they were all together.
"I'm safe right now." She reaches for one of his hands, holds it tight in her own.
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