The Psiioniic (
polariity) wrote in
thebastion2015-03-09 12:16 am
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Entry tags:
Day 288
Who: The Helmsman and you
Open: Open
When: Day 288
Where: By the entrance to the Skyway
What: The Helmsman ventures out and comes back with some shinies he's heard so much about.
Format: Any
Warnings: The usual difficulties that come with chatting it up with him
Regardless of the tension that's flared up because of recent discussions, it seems as though the Helmsman's schedule hasn't changed particularly greatly. Today, just like every other day, he ventures outwards from the Tower. Unlike every other day, however, he doesn't venture off onto Dragonfield or wander about the Bastion or lay face down on the grass. Instead, when he shows up again, it's from the direction of the Skyway and a bruise blossoming on one side of his face.
And then he lays down on the grass where anyone could step on him.
At least it's not just laying, this time. Sparks of red and blue lift up tiny little shards for him to inspect curiously. For anyone in the area, he's not hard to miss.
Open: Open
When: Day 288
Where: By the entrance to the Skyway
What: The Helmsman ventures out and comes back with some shinies he's heard so much about.
Format: Any
Warnings: The usual difficulties that come with chatting it up with him
Regardless of the tension that's flared up because of recent discussions, it seems as though the Helmsman's schedule hasn't changed particularly greatly. Today, just like every other day, he ventures outwards from the Tower. Unlike every other day, however, he doesn't venture off onto Dragonfield or wander about the Bastion or lay face down on the grass. Instead, when he shows up again, it's from the direction of the Skyway and a bruise blossoming on one side of his face.
And then he lays down on the grass where anyone could step on him.
At least it's not just laying, this time. Sparks of red and blue lift up tiny little shards for him to inspect curiously. For anyone in the area, he's not hard to miss.
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"If you need to talk, I can--listen? Not listen, read, you know--you know what I meant."
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The result is him lying limp in her arms, air shakily making its way to his lungs. He's not sure how much time passes before his pan finally thinks to conjure up the words again.
fuck
...Well. Word. Singular. That sums up the situation pretty eloquently.
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"I agree. Sounds about right. I'm pretty sure I said that word a lot in my head when we found you."
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1m 20rry 1m 20rry 1 d1dnt w4nt y0u t0 233
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"You like that? I'd rather have seen it than...I was glad I was there. If she'd brought you back alone--I don't know if she could have honestly. But I would have felt terrible. I was glad to be there, even if it was awful to see what you'd been trapped in."
And guilt still sits heavy in her stomach at how she hesitated at the water surrounding him, how she told him to shut up when he quipped about the lucky three. Even if she'd shoved down all her horrible feelings of betrayal at being almost mocked as a hallucination, she still felt the guilt over it.
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m3 4t 4ll. 1m 4ll fuck3d up. 1m n0t l1k3 1m 2upp023d t0 63 f0r y0u
Just a slave again, worse than before, bitter and hateful and fuck, fuck, how long has he been calling her fake and not real?
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She goes silent, pressing her face against his hair again. She left him, she left them, she ran, she ran like a coward, like a fool, and she can't repay him for not hating her. She could never, not in a thousand sweeps.
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y0u d323rv3 3v3ryth1n9 why
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"I left you. To that. Him to his. Her to hers. I ran. I never deserved the chance to see you again, to see you still cared about me."
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t0ld y0u t0
1 4lw4y2 kn3w wh4t w42 c0m1n9
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"I know. I just--I should have done something. Pulled your restraints off, fought...something...Nnn, this is stupid. I didn't want to talk about this sort of thing. I'm just--happy you're really there. That you know I'm really here."
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Awkward and unused to it all over again, he presses his head against her shoulder like that can offer any comfort. He doesn't like seeing her upset. She's real and here and true and her pain is not a hallucination. It makes him sick to think he treated it as such.
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"I was safe." She promises. Just not the safe he wanted, the safe like they were when they were all together.
"I'm safe right now." She reaches for one of his hands, holds it tight in her own.
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1m 20rry
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Sorry for what, she should ask, but she's not sure what he needs more. The reassurance or the ability to spill his thoughts out. He'll figure it out.
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1m 4n 422h0l3
He always is, but for this, for her, he should have know. Should have snapped out of it sooner.
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"Psii--Mituna? Will you look at me for a second?"
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"It's okay. I know you wouldn't have kept insisting things weren't real if you didn't believe it. And I know it was awful to dream of us and know it would never happen. I forgive you."
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"I hope you know I don't blame you for it and I don't really...I just know you need to hear that sometimes?"
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The words float jagged and unsteady in the air as he tries to get his sobbing under control, his breath harsh and wet. Face still wet, he looks up at her.
why n0t y0u
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The pun is forced a little, like the ones she tried out when they rescued them, as if she's unsure if they will make things better or worse. Her hand stays curled in his hair as he looks up. She doesn't really want to let go.
"Why not me? Why not me what?"
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why n0t f0r91v3 y0ur23lf
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"It's not...the same. I'm pretty sure you don't forgive yourself just because you forgive me."
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