Day 267 [Open] Magical Jerky Cows and shuffling booties

[scary_music]

Who: Ibuki and you!
Open: Open
When: Day 267, noon-ish or so?
Where: In front of the new music venue: iBooty Shuffle
What: Ibuki wastes a whole bunch of shards on silly stuff...
Format: Action but will match
Warnings: Ibuki weirdness, and sudden heavy bad feels in the Colin thread.

UKYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

[It was just another day in the Bastion, helping make preparations for assisting the Ura that were in dire straits. But then, during lunch, Ibuki's cry of disbelief and amusement rang out loud and clear]

[Because she used the monument to create "magical jerky cows", and renovated one of the new buildings on the Bastion into a music venue.]

[... after her initial cry, Ibuki can be found in front of iBooty Shuffle, leaning against one of the chocolate jerky cows and...]

[... just... laughing. That's all she's doing. Laughing]

Comments

[dragonsorcsandwolves]

"Magical jerky cows"?

[Okay he'll come over and examine this clos-

...

Is that...

...

Well at least they're not entirely made of jerky?]

[scary_music]

Yeah!

They're like normal cows... but with chocolate chip jerky! Amazing!

[dragonsorcsandwolves]

Chocolate chip jerky.

[He cannot for the life of him imagine those two tastes going well together.]

...Why?

[scary_music]

Because it's weird and delicious! Just like Ibuki!

Here, here, try it! Try!

[She peels off a strip and offers it to Rob]

[dragonsorcsandwolves]

...Not gonna check if that's true or not.

[He takes it, looks it over for a moment, takes a bite and... nope this combination does not work. He bumps his septum piercing with it as he pulls it away from his mouth and reaches up with his free hand to straighten it while attempting to hand the rest of it back to Ibuki.]

Yeah that's pretty gross.

[scary_music]

Ibuki disagrees, but that's okay!! Ibuki made normal jerky cows, too, just for people like you, Rob-chan!

[She looks at the jerky, making absolutely no move to take it back]

Iya~n! Rob-chan, what are you doing? Are you trying to trick Ibuki into an indirect kiss? So bold!

[dragonsorcsandwolves]

[Was she expecting some extreme flustered reaction? If so she'll be disappointed, because all she gets is a lineface.]

Is that really something real people actually care about? Besides, I never said you were supposed to eat something that has someone else's spit on it.

1/3

[scary_music]

Oooh, Rob-chan, playing it cool...

But, but what do you mean real people... a... are you saying that... that... Ibuki...

2/3

[scary_music]

IBUKI'S NOT A REAL PEOPLE?!!?!?!

WHAT IS IBUKI FIGHTING FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRR?!

3/3

[scary_music]

[... and then, she starts frothing at the mouth...]

[dragonsorcsandwolves]

[Rob has questions. A lot of them. Many to do with Ibuki's mental health. Others to do with how she's managing to froth at the mouth like that. Rabies? Special-effects capsules she keeps in her mouth for such circumstances?

But ultimately, the melodramatic reaction and the bizarreness of Ibuki frothing at the mouth bypass all of those, and Rob instead starts snickering.]

[scary_music]

[... the frothing is suddenly over, and now Ibuki's laughing with Rob.]

[dragonsorcsandwolves]

[Rob's laughter is much more subdued than Ibuki's, because while it was amusing it wasn't out-and-out hilarious. The sudden cessation of the frothing clears up a few things though, and once he stops snickering - which doesn't take very long - he takes and releases a deep, sighlike breath through his nose.]

So why did you decide to make something ridiculous like this? If you wanted jerky there's plenty of ways that wouldn't use up as many shards or be a drain on resources.

[scary_music]

...

... It was a grim time for Ibuki, Rob-chan. She had just come upon the Bastion, full of questions and no answers! What was she to do with herself?!

But then, she saw it. A shining beacon in the darkness! The Tree of Ringed Baked Goods! A.k.a. the Donut Trees!

And a desire was born deep within her soul, Rob-chan... the desire to create something that would make mother nature scream even more so than the donut trees!

What you see before you, Rob-chan, is the culmination of Ibuki's dream.

... also, Ibuki's been having this huge craving for chocolate chip jerky, so the desires sort of melded into one! Whoops!

[dragonsorcsandwolves]

...First of all, the donut trees were bad enough. They didn't need to be topped.

Second of all, if you'd had the jerky grow on small shrubs instead of animals it would've cut the price in half.

Third, you could've just made jerky from the meat we already had.

[I'm sorry Ibuki, but you'll have to cancel your parade. The forecast is calling for rain.]

[scary_music]

Ahh, Rob-chan, it's too late, much too late! If only you had come to Ibuki sooner, this could all have been averted!

What a catastrophe! The donut trees have been topped!

Ibuki is totally embarrassed!

[She doesn't sound embarrassed at all. Totally. Unaffected. By the rain.]

Protip: Ibuki would have topped the donut trees anyway!

[dragonsorcsandwolves]

[Have some more lineface, Ibuki. And a sigh.]

At least the cows are useful, even if they're stupid. But this...

[He gestures vaguely towards the glowing neon butt wiggling at them.]

Hell do we need a strip joint for?

[scary_music]

Oooh, Rob-chan, Rob-chan...

Shame on you! Mind straight to the gutter! Shameful! Hang your head low, Rob-chan! What a pervert! Kyaa!

It's a music venue, Rob-chan!

[dragonsorcsandwolves]

[Rob looks mildly confused until she calls him a pervert, at which point he switches to looking annoyed. His voice acquires the beginnings of an edge to it.]

A music venue with a sign that's shaking its ass at everyone that walks by? I can't be the only one who thinks that's implying something else.

More importantly though, how does making a music venue help feed the Ura?

[scary_music]

Don't ignore the guitar! She's playing a guitar!

...

And Ibuki's on break right now! This and that are completely unrelated!

[dragonsorcsandwolves]

You could've made something that'd've helped them instead of using the shards for this.

[He's been avoiding the urge to blow his meager trickle of shards on fun stuff instead of stuff that helps everyone like a good little citizen of the Bastion should, why couldn't she?]

[scary_music]

...

...

Ooh, look, break time is over!

Ibuki better get back to work!

She's not doing this to avoid the major downer you're throwing at Ibuki right now, Rob-chan! This is totally a coincidence!

[... and she'll ... move in some random direction, because wow she doesn't want to talk to you anymore Rob, you're not her dad]

[dragonsorcsandwolves]

[Rob doesn't bother trying to chase her down; it's not like there's an Undo button on the Monument he can get her to push. The damage is already done. Damage to the logic of the universe and his sanity. He'll just sigh, look over at the jerky cow, groan, and head back to do things that will actually help the Ura.]