Day 256 [Open]

[daughterofursa]

Who: Zuko and anyone
Open: Open!
When: Day 256, evening
Where: By the lake
What: A failure to meditate
Format: I'll match
Warnings: Honor

Zuko knows she's always been hard on herself, but she's never really considered it to be too hard. But some of the things people have been saying about her... Well, people in the Bastion have always expressed a more positive view of her than she thinks she deserves, and she always figured it was because they don't know what she's come from, but she's finally starting to wonder. Maybe the flawed perspective is her own.

Which is why she is attempting something else which, like positive thinking, she is not very good at: meditating. Whoever really wants to can find her by the lake, sitting cross-legged with her eyes closed and... definitely scowling more than she ought to be.

Comments

[twinked_witch]

"... It's very hard to look at oneself in the mirror and see what others see, indeed," Megaera responded. "To understand another's emotions and how they affect their perception of you, even harder. Sometimes, the most important thing to do there, though, is to trust that what other people say about you is what they really think of you. Regardless of who it is, honesty is the default, because you have to think about a lie more."

... How true that one was, Megaera considered with a bit of a sense of irony, given how she had been holding onto a lie her entire time here. She knew how to bluff and lie easily, but even then, she preferred to be truthful if the truth wouldn't cause her problems. Funny how that was true among most of her kind.

"And, of course, I've already told you what I see in you, and having spoken with you more, I wouldn't have much to add to that."

[daughterofursa]

"I don't think anyone's lying. You don't have to lie to be wrong about something."

She just wasn't so sure anymore about who was wrong. If everyone else agreed on something and she was the only one who felt differently, it was worth considering whether she was the one seeing things wrong.

[twinked_witch]

"Perhaps... But people are rarely wrong about what they see in others, if the others aren't lying about themselves. You very much feel like someone who wears a lot of who they are on their sleeve... What others see in you, as a result, is likely to be a fairly good measure. Perhaps one better than your self-perceptions."

[daughterofursa]

"On my sleeve?" Zuko thought she understood what Megaera was getting at, but it was an unfamiliar expression, and she wasn't wearing sleeves.

[twinked_witch]

"It means you're a very straightforward person. You hide things, but basically behind a cloak of aloofness, rather than say one of lies or masks."

In other words, probably about what Zuki thought Megaera meant.

"Your experiences distort your perceptions, especially of yourself. To get an outside perspective can be your best hope of breaking the distortion. Try focusing your thoughts, not on the yourself you see, but the one I see, that Ibuki sees, that... You get the idea."

Slowly, Megaera reached to her cloak. "Would some tea be good? It's not the best, being magically produced, but it might soothe the nerves a bit."

[daughterofursa]

"Oh."

And what she was saying... didn't sound like such a bad idea. Well, Zuko wasn't sure she could bend her mind enough to see like Ibuki, but maybe say, Rin. They understood each other, didn't they?

"Magic tea? Uncle would probably be interested to try that." Even if it wasn't the best, he did enjoy trying different kinds.

[twinked_witch]

"Sort of. It's just like a cheap light tea from my home area. Sugared, to make it more tolerable."

She pulled out a flask, offering it to Zuko. "The flask itself isn't magical; the cloak just fills it. It's enough for me each day, but when I'm here, I prefer better options..."

[daughterofursa]

"Sugared?" Zuko was clearly baffled. Why would you put sugar in tea?

She took the flask to try a sip, which didn't do much to change her expression. She was not the connoisseur that her uncle was, but even she thought this tasted... strange.

[twinked_witch]

"Where I'm from, that's the normal way to drink teas. Mellows out the bitterness. Sadly, I don't get to customize what the cloak's magic provides much. It's that or cold water. Either way, it's enough for my needs usually."

Megaera shrugged. "I'm going to guess that's different for you? Never mind that it's probably a very different leaf."

[daughterofursa]

Zuko nodded. "It's not bad, but... it doesn't taste like tea to me. Uncle would probably say the flavor of the leaf should be enough, if you brew it right."

[twinked_witch]

"Eh. Different lands, different traditions," Megaera observed. "It is still something, though. Perhaps enough to help you think, a little?"

[daughterofursa]

"It doesn't hurt anything." It made her think of her uncle, and as much as he'd frustrated her at times, reflecting on things he'd said could be calming.

[twinked_witch]

Megaera nodded, shifting as she sat so she was matching Zuko's seating style. Which wasn't precisely hiding her boot-clad legs, given her split dress, but she didn't seem superbly concerned.

"This leads to the next question. Perhaps one you've thought on already. What do you think others think about you? Not just what they've said, but what they think behind that - and if there is a difference between the two."

[daughterofursa]

Zuko noticed this time. Shouldn't she have been wearing pants under that? Man, the lake sure was interesting all of a sudden.

"What? Should I be guessing what they think besides what they say?"

[twinked_witch]

"If there is a contradiction between what you think they think of you and what they say they think of you, that might say much of your mental state in general. That gets you closer to understanding and mastering yourself."

Megaera smiled a bit as she saw Zuko look away... But for the moment, the lake was actually a better thing for her to be looking at. Serenity in it's simplest form...

[daughterofursa]

Zuko already knew there would be a contradiction. She was never any good at reading people, and she tended to assume things based on what she wanted or, lately, what she felt she deserved. She used to believe her father could care about her, and that her uncle would hate her for betraying him. She was constantly assuming people in the Bastion would think badly of her, and constantly surprised when they didn't.

"...I think it's better for me not to assume things about other people. I start expecting things that aren't realistic."

[twinked_witch]

"It seems you are a step closer to mastering yourself than you think you are. You already are certain that your read on others' read of you may not be reliable. But then, I must ask, what can you rely on?"

The flow... Megaera's teacher, back when she was mortal, had used this flow to teach her a lot. To keep asking questions, each one leading closer to a key piece of wisdom. He'd demonstrated magic to make his point a few times, but Megaera didn't think that was needed or wise here.

[daughterofursa]

"I don't know. This isn't exactly something that's set in stone."

People changed, and everyone had their own opinions.

[twinked_witch]

"If you don't know what you can rely on, is it equivalent to say there's nothing you know you can rely on? I don't just mean that as a linguistic trick, to be clear."

[daughterofursa]

"I-isn't that the same thing?" It sounded like a linguistic trick to her.

[twinked_witch]

"Perhaps. Or perhaps not. The wording is intentionally ambiguous, and logically leads to the next question: What inspires you to honestly trust someone? To know they're a friend, someone you can rely on when push comes to shove?"

Megaera stopped there. Another case where she thought about her abilities, but didn't dare mention them...

[daughterofursa]

Zuko frowned, not sure how to answer that. She'd never had many friends before coming to the Bastion, and those had always been... complicated. She trusted people to do what they felt was right. She didn't always expect that to include her.

"...experience, I guess. You aren't going to know that unless it's proven to you."

[twinked_witch]

"Spoken like one who is cautious about taking emotional risks. With what I've heard of your family, unsurprising... But it comes with costs all its own. No man or woman is an island, after all."

Megaera kept her quiet smile. "But neither does one change easily from one insight. I cannot dictate your path, after all - I only know what you've told me of your circumstances."

[daughterofursa]

Zuko squinted at her. That sounded a bit like her uncle there.

"Are you saying you think I should be more trusting?"

[twinked_witch]

"Somewhat. I would say, instead, that I'm asking what others could do to earn your trust. Which isn't as easy a measure, I know."