Day 256 [Open]

[daughterofursa]

Who: Zuko and anyone
Open: Open!
When: Day 256, evening
Where: By the lake
What: A failure to meditate
Format: I'll match
Warnings: Honor

Zuko knows she's always been hard on herself, but she's never really considered it to be too hard. But some of the things people have been saying about her... Well, people in the Bastion have always expressed a more positive view of her than she thinks she deserves, and she always figured it was because they don't know what she's come from, but she's finally starting to wonder. Maybe the flawed perspective is her own.

Which is why she is attempting something else which, like positive thinking, she is not very good at: meditating. Whoever really wants to can find her by the lake, sitting cross-legged with her eyes closed and... definitely scowling more than she ought to be.

Comments

[daughterofursa]

Zuko noticed this time. Shouldn't she have been wearing pants under that? Man, the lake sure was interesting all of a sudden.

"What? Should I be guessing what they think besides what they say?"

[twinked_witch]

"If there is a contradiction between what you think they think of you and what they say they think of you, that might say much of your mental state in general. That gets you closer to understanding and mastering yourself."

Megaera smiled a bit as she saw Zuko look away... But for the moment, the lake was actually a better thing for her to be looking at. Serenity in it's simplest form...

[daughterofursa]

Zuko already knew there would be a contradiction. She was never any good at reading people, and she tended to assume things based on what she wanted or, lately, what she felt she deserved. She used to believe her father could care about her, and that her uncle would hate her for betraying him. She was constantly assuming people in the Bastion would think badly of her, and constantly surprised when they didn't.

"...I think it's better for me not to assume things about other people. I start expecting things that aren't realistic."

[twinked_witch]

"It seems you are a step closer to mastering yourself than you think you are. You already are certain that your read on others' read of you may not be reliable. But then, I must ask, what can you rely on?"

The flow... Megaera's teacher, back when she was mortal, had used this flow to teach her a lot. To keep asking questions, each one leading closer to a key piece of wisdom. He'd demonstrated magic to make his point a few times, but Megaera didn't think that was needed or wise here.

[daughterofursa]

"I don't know. This isn't exactly something that's set in stone."

People changed, and everyone had their own opinions.

[twinked_witch]

"If you don't know what you can rely on, is it equivalent to say there's nothing you know you can rely on? I don't just mean that as a linguistic trick, to be clear."

[daughterofursa]

"I-isn't that the same thing?" It sounded like a linguistic trick to her.

[twinked_witch]

"Perhaps. Or perhaps not. The wording is intentionally ambiguous, and logically leads to the next question: What inspires you to honestly trust someone? To know they're a friend, someone you can rely on when push comes to shove?"

Megaera stopped there. Another case where she thought about her abilities, but didn't dare mention them...

[daughterofursa]

Zuko frowned, not sure how to answer that. She'd never had many friends before coming to the Bastion, and those had always been... complicated. She trusted people to do what they felt was right. She didn't always expect that to include her.

"...experience, I guess. You aren't going to know that unless it's proven to you."

[twinked_witch]

"Spoken like one who is cautious about taking emotional risks. With what I've heard of your family, unsurprising... But it comes with costs all its own. No man or woman is an island, after all."

Megaera kept her quiet smile. "But neither does one change easily from one insight. I cannot dictate your path, after all - I only know what you've told me of your circumstances."

[daughterofursa]

Zuko squinted at her. That sounded a bit like her uncle there.

"Are you saying you think I should be more trusting?"

[twinked_witch]

"Somewhat. I would say, instead, that I'm asking what others could do to earn your trust. Which isn't as easy a measure, I know."

[daughterofursa]

"I'm usually asking that about myself."

What ould she do to get other people to trust her? That had been really hard for a while.

[twinked_witch]

"You worry about encouraging others to reach out to you, and in turn that makes it harder for you to reach out to others. Does that sound right?"

Megaera paused. "... Where I'm from, trust isn't the easiest thing either. At least, not for adventurers, especially not when you've occasionally got a wizard who specializes in the magic of lies, as it were. But it's perhaps more important. If you aren't sure someone has your back..."

[daughterofursa]

Zuko hadn't thought of it that way, but if she thought people couldn't trust her, there was no way she could trust them either.

"I don't worry about people having my back. Not in a fight." Just... in everything else, apparently.

[twinked_witch]

"You specified," Megaera said. "You worry about things besides war. Appropriate, when in a place like this. War alone does not create."

[daughterofursa]

"I guess... war is what I'm used to."

Her time in the Bastion was her only experience with peace times, if that was even what you could call this. It wasn't like there was anyone to really be at war with.

[twinked_witch]

"That... Rather explains it. Not knowing how to handle in peacetime for one stuck in war for a long time is... Sadly common. Especially in younger people who wound up stuck in that situation."

Megaera smiled a bit, not laughing. "It doesn't help that you've lost your best guides for how to continue, unless you get lucky somehow. But does that mean you're stuck on your own?"

[daughterofursa]

"Not exactly." She had friends here, but there was still a lot they didn't and couldn't know about where she was coming from.

"Do you think that's why it's harder? Most people around here don't know war. I never knew anyone who didn't before."

Come to think of it, the only people she'd spoken to who seemed as pessimistic as she was were ones who hadn't come from peacetime either.

[twinked_witch]

Megaera paused, thinking for a few seconds before continuing.

"I'd say so, yeah. Right now, I know of exactly two people who come from having spent a significant portion of their lives in wartime. I think I told you how I was a guardian of my world from the forces of the Abyss at some point, right?"

[daughterofursa]

Zuko nodded. "You fought against demons."

[twinked_witch]

"Yeah. The part I didn't mention was the sixty years part," Megaera admitted.

"Immortality and some other fancy stuff, all at costs no sane person would want to pay... Like being conscripted to eternally work, one way or another, to fight the destruction of the world."

She sighed a little. "So, yeah. A little different from what I know of your situation... But also not all that far away, either, in a key sense."

[daughterofursa]

"You don't look..." Well, of course she didn't look over sixty. But for all her time in the Bastion, Zuko hadn't had much experience (knowingly) with people who were considerably older than they appeared. Paarthurnax was a dragon, so him being thousands of years old was easier to swallow than this. This wasn't even like Aang and his 112 years.

Wait.

"Eternally?" She was supposed to be fighting forever?

[twinked_witch]

"Yup. Or at least that was what was supposed to happen. Then this happened. And actually, it's not true immortality - I don't age, but I can die. Still, it was attractive enough to pre-perspective me that I took it."

Megaera placed a hand along the ground. "So, yeah. That's me. Voluntarily stepped into a war, and only now getting out. Kind of awash and aimless, beyond the Shard runs. But I'm starting to figure out what I want, now. So, I'd ask you, simply: Do you have an idea of what you want?"

[daughterofursa]

"I wanted to lead my people." She knew that much with certainty. It was something she had wanted for years. "I'm not a leader here, but I'm doing the best I can."

Zuko hesitated. "At least, that's part of it." She was starting to realize that just contributing, just working as hard as she could for the survival of the Bastion, she was neglecting something. It wasn't everything that she needed or wanted for herself.