thebastion | Day 163 // Every plan is a tiny prayer to father time

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Day 163 // Every plan is a tiny prayer to father time

Who: Zulf and you
Open: Open
When: Day 163
Where: Throughout the Bastion
What: Well, someone has to take up the kitchen work, and prepare Night's funeral, and write down the history and culture of two different cities...
Format: Anything
Warnings: Nothing immediately comes to mind, although it should be noted that Zulf is in a bad state mentally/emotionally so depending on the conversations, things could be described. Lemme know where you want to run into him!

As soon as he's able, Zulf leaves the hospital. It's not like he deserves to be there, after all, not with the dead, not with the injured. He's fine, isn't he? Besides... There's too much to do. So on the 163rd day of the Bastion's existence, feel free to run into him just about anywhere looking exhausted in nearly every way imaginable.

...Unless your name is Raile, Zia, Rucks, Colin, Rin, Zayna, Zahi, Nathaniel, or Rosethorn. In which case, seeing any of those individuals makes the man startle before immediately trying to find a way to leave the area before conversation can happen. Seriously, he will bolt if he has to, don't make him change from a quick walk.

Periodically throughout the day, Zulf can be found in the kitchens...

With Rin out of commission and Mireille still taking care of her baby, someone has to keep the kitchen up and running. Zulf still remembers the offer he made to her, so of course he's going to keep to what he said. Breakfast, lunch, dinner... He's not in the kitchen the entire day, but he's there often enough. His sleeves are rolled up and he's hard at work like maybe enough cooking will help things. Feel free to interrupt him at any time.

Sometime in the morning after breakfast, it's off to the the Hitachiin-Abe home.

It's something he's been meaning to get to for ages now, really. Seimei had asked about the Tazal Terminals and Caelondia. It's just proper that he finally get to writing all the large amount of answers. He's already holding some things in his arms when he gets there, a thick heavy photo album stacked with papers and crude writing tools- things he's scavenged here and there particularly from the Mancer Observatory. He's passed by the home before, but it's only now that he takes a moment to admire it. Any of the residents can find him waiting awkwardly by the front, not sure how to make his presence known.

Come night, well, that is traditionally the Lorn Mother's time. Anyone still awake... Well, there's a light on at the Shrine.

Honestly, he doesn't know the state of the Gods for all these other worlds that have fallen apart. All he knows it that the Pantheon still has its eye on the scattered fragments that once made up Caelondia, the Terminals, the Wild Unknown... So at least there's that. If she doesn't have anywhere to go or where she's going is worse than that, the Lorn Mother can keep her safe. If there is somewhere for her... Mother guide her home.

Either way, they need to have a funeral. Both to help her soul be free of its ties to the physical, and to help those still alive mourn.

So he gets hard at work, cleaning the shrine with an almost single minded dedication. There won't be any rest until it's spotless... Although he won't lie, he's doing his best to avoid any kind of rest as much as he can. So maybe someone will walk in on him doing that.

When he isn't cleaning, however, he's settled to the side. There's a small pile of salvaged clothing besides him and a sorry excuse for a sewing kit that he makes do with. Red seems to be a theme with the clothes he's picked out...

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Seimei considered helping Zulf carry his things as symbolic of his intentions to offer the Ura whatever help he could. He considered the other man for a long moment before turning and heading in the direction of the library, feet silent on the wooden floors but for the whisper of cloth as he moved.

Arriving at the doors, he paused, sliding them wide open and entering the room to set Zulf's supplies down near a cushion on the floor. Pacing across to the other side of the room, he pushed the sliding doors wide and opened the view to trees and grass and the rest of the Bastion in the distance. Before long the library had a gentle breeze, plenty of natural light and the scent of Seimei's many fruit and flower trees filling the area.

"Please, be at ease here and take all the time you need. I have plenty of supplies available, and anything you might be interested in is open to you," the onmyoji remarked, gesturing around at the shelves and cubbyholes that already had books and scrolls. He spent almost all of his free time that wasn't eating or sleeping sitting somewhere and writing or illustrating the history of Japan that he could. Some books and scrolls that he knew were in print for many people he was able to buy with shards, but there were many things that were unique, and could only be reproduced from memory.

"I will leave you to it then?" he asked, tilting his head slightly. "I will return with tea and something to eat."

Zulf doesn't seem to respond to the words right away. He's just standing in place, eyes closed. This really is a calming place, and it helps to soothe a lot of the stress and anxiety that's built up in Zulf for months now. The smells and good weather.. It reminds him of when his father, his second one, first brought him up to the surface. The smells aren't exactly right but there's the same sort of feeling.

Shaking his head to get himself out of it, he looks to Seimei and gives a grateful nod. He opens his mouth for a brief second, only to end up closing it with an ashamed look on his face. The words still won't come... Regardless, he tries to distract himself by going to grab some of his own supplies, both blank pages and things that have been filled out already.

The onmyoji's dark eyes watched knowingly before he inclined his head and turned to leave, allowing the other man to situate himself without interruption. He could have returned sooner, but chose to give Zulf time alone in the relative peace and quite that came with a home like the estate. Without electricity in the building, there was no constant hum, to grating energy skeleton clutching about the framework. The only sounds were of breezes, flowing water, the leaves in the trees.

A truly serene place for those who did not care overmuch for technological developments that took away from the natural flow and beauty of things.

"Here we are," Seimei announced himself, knowing that his footsteps tended to be too light for most ears. He entered the library with a tray, setting it near the cushions, folding his feet beneath him and leaning to begin pouring tea.

"I am glad you were finally able to make it. I had wondered if you took my invitation amiss somehow. I know I am not the most conversationally inspirational person, so to speak. My...better half is significantly more social than I..." he remarked, keeping his head down and eyes on the tea, setting a cup for Zulf.

"Let me know if the tea is too bitter. Green tea is not for everyone, I have come to learn."

By the time Seimei returns, Zulf has made himself quite at home. The papers are all organized as best they can be, sorted by what's filled out and what isn't, and he himself is working on something already. If the onmyogi cares to look, he'll be able to notice right away that the writing is something he can't read. It's nothing too unusual- just Caelondian which any Cael or Ura in the Bastion could read. Unfortunately for every foreigner here, the shard amulets translate only speech and not the written word.

On the bright side, it's not only writing that's there. There are also pictures. Zulf is no great artist- you'd want to talk to Rucks for that- but he can manage well enough to get the general idea across. There are a couple of maps, drawn from memory as best as he can remember, one of Caelondia and one of the Tazal Terminals. What Zulf is working on right now seem to be a series of symbols with an arrow connecting them to a weapon and something written beneath each.

Zulf's gaze looks upwards as Seimei comes to sit as well, and he only gives a sheepish smile and a raise of one hand. It's no bother to him at all. He's dealt with people a bit similar to Seimei in that they're not always the best at conversation. Besides, considering Zulf's own issues... Well, he won't judge.

Highly adaptive and adept with languages - after all, he'd had to decipher more than a few ancient texts and Chinese novelizations in his day - Seimei would have been able to pick up the patterns and learn to read in Caelondian or Ura on his own without much difficulty. What he chose not to mention until he could confer with others later was that he'd already encountered quite a bit of various languages both on the Skyway and in the Bastion. Even so, it couldn't hurt to learn more, and asking might open a line of dialogue. Possibly.

For the moment he simply drank his own tea and relaxed in the relative peace of his home, enjoying the rustle of papers filling the silence between them. Ah yes, this he had missed. The only time he enjoyed being in the city was when he visited the Onmyodo temple, watching the students, listening to lessons he had long outgrown, thumbing through familiar texts. He missed how much his people strove toward scholastic pursuits and shared knowledge so eagerly. He missed being surrounded by a wealth of knowledge, and he missed being valued in a scholastic community.

Opening his mouth, Seimei paused a moment, considering honorifics. After a moment he shook his head and smiled.

"Are you under a vow of silence, Zulf, or merely choosing to be quiet out of respect?"

It's calming for Zulf as well, although he can't particularly say he's often drawn to such places. He enjoys them, certainly, but normally he's as adaptable as all Ura consider themselves to be. Even more importantly, as a unofficial representative between the Terminals and Caelondia, he had to be able to shift to different environments. It wasn't only with politicians and the head of the military factions that a diplomat could do his work... The words exchanged in a bar and the polite greetings in a little bookstore can be just as important. Zulf has learned these things.

Right now, however, it really is the best place for him. He can't connect to people right now, too unstable and weak to make the effort. Yet at the same time, there's a guilt weighing down on him that he's not doing more. It's an unreasonable guilt, to be sure, but emotions so often are. Here, it's quiet and the smell filling the room is doing something although Zulf can't currently explain it.

It's simply quiet, and there's simple work to do.

Zulf is in the middle of taking a drink of tea when Seimei asks the question. He glances away again guiltily before shaking his head slowly. It's hard to explain without words...

"You could write it down, you know," he remarked, gesturing vaguely at the papers. "I'm quite adept at languages. Being that back home I can decipher one of the more complex languages of my time, I'm fairly confident I can manage here," the onmyoji offered, tilting his head to regard Zulf thoughtfully.

"You do not have to, however. Sitting in silence is not at all that strange. I have spent most of my life in relative quiet. Before coming here I was something of a hermit," he paused, considering for a moment before smiling faintly. "I suppose I still am, in a way. At least now my house has no walls and my doors are rarely closed."

Hearing that bit of information has Zulf's eyebrows rise up and he seems to give it thought. This has admittedly a solution that has come to him before, but having already tried it with Aoi... He'd quickly been reminded that their amulets couldn't translate writing. But if Seimei is willing to decipher it...

He's silent for a little while long as he stares down at the paper before he starts to write once again, this time on a clean page. Fortunately, his handwriting is very clear and proper. There won't be anything like this world's equivalent to cursive to bullshit through.

I used to have a lot of pride in my words but here it feels as though they don't have any use. I'm no warrior and I'm no healer. When I've tried to help, it seems as though I've just caused more harm. I know that my silence causes those dear to me to worry yet even when I've tried to speak, it seems as thought a lock has made itself at home in my throat.

Seimei took the sheet of paper, gazing at it quietly for several long moments before raising a hand and letting a light breeze carry a scroll to him from across the room. Pulling the scroll open, he looked at the writing therein and back to the writing on Zulf's sheet. The silence ticked by and eventually the onmyoji's brow's rose in understand; they soon lowered in consternation as well, pale hands setting the paper down and sliding it gently towards Zulf for him to continue writing upon.

"Voices are often stolen out of grief or perceived weakness, in my time, so you need not be ashamed or feel me expectant. I can listen to the written word as well as the spoken," the man mused, sighing softly and folding his hands in his lap as he considered the situation. Not only Zulf's, but how it effected everyone.

After a long, thoughtful silence, Seimei clicked his tongue softly and raised dark eyes to the Ura.

"In my world and my time, we have reached an era of relative peace. It would not last, those things rarely do and the world was growing smaller every year as more was being discovered. Even so, in that time, the most valuable thing of all was neither warriors nor even magicians like myself. The most powerful weapon was the tongue and the heaviest toll resounded in the words spoken by men to whom others would listen," Seimei explained, checking his teacup and eventually pouring more for himself. Most people didn't observe the same courtesies as himself and it was pointless to be offended.

"Your strength does not need to be in your hands, Lord Zulf. It needs to be in your words - even when you don'f feel them in your heart. What you say, whether you necessarily believe it or not, can give great courage or strength to others. You can build a castle with words, you can break a fortress with them. A voice is a powerful thing and what you have done is the equivalent of laying down your sword out of grief and a lack of courage and confidence. I cannot tell you how to cure yourself...that is a quandary you alone can solve, but I will suggest this," he remarked, turning slightly and folding his hands into his sleeves, watching the other man curiously.

"You have a large, if troubled, heart. You have room for many people, and you are already lodged firmly in the hearts of others. It is always a tragedy when someone is forced to raise a hand out of aggression, even in protection of others or of an ideal. What you have is an ability and gift others should be envious of. You matter to people in ways others could hardly imagine. You do not need to carry a blade, you do not need to bear bandages and ointments and you do not need to carry spells. What makes you strong is not necessarily your own strength, but the strength you can give others. You must speak, Lord Zulf. Find your voice, and lend your heart and shoulder to those around you. Share the weakness and pain of strangers, lance their wounds, excise the infections upon their hearts and souls with encouragement and advice. What you say - and what you do not say - matters a great deal. Sometimes the weight of silence is the most devastating. The only failing you carry with you in this is that you let your pain shadow your voice. When you can push your pain back enough to focus on someone else, you will find that you are actually more valuable, more useful, than nearly anyone else."

He sniffed, tilting his head slightly before raising his cup for a sip of tea.

"That is my opinion, Lord Zulf. You may take it at whatever value you please. Perhaps it is only words after all."

If there was one thing Zulf considered himself good at, when not speaking himself, it was listening. Even with Rucks, after everything they've been unwillingly together through, he had managed to get himself to calm down. So while Seimei had a lot of words to say, Zulf listened carefully and stored everything said away with just as much care. In a way, it was a reassurance to hear so much. Maybe it was because it meant that great thought had been put into what was being said. Maybe because since he could not get himself to speak, it was valuable to listen to others.

Everything that was said... It made sense. It was all information he already knew. Hadn't he once made his living on words, on the effect they could have on others? It was something he had known even as a child scrambling for survival on the streets. What words could make a person pity you more, the words that had trouble running straight towards you. Then his father had come and taught him more. Taught him other words, taught him how a lack often brought strife...

Once upon a time, he had risked his own life to be able to go to a place and try to solve pain from the Point Lemaign War with his words alone. In what seemed like an entirely different story, once upon a time, he had desperately hoped that his words could help prevent disaster. They'd failed, both times, but that didn't mean words no longer had any worth. Just... his. That's what it felt like.

He stayed silent for a good while after Seimei finished speaking, gaze focused elsewhere as he stewed in his own thoughts. There was no denying that there was a lot of sense in what he had just been told. But... still no solution. Finally, after some minutes, he released a breath and reached forward to write once more.

Sometimes I wish I could properly understand what it is about me that is so valuable to other people. I sometimes think it is because they cannot possibly understand that I have done horrible things since I have not told them of such.

Yet I know that the truth is the opposite of that. Even when I was young and had done careless cruel things, I still became someone who, to another, was of much worth. Those who I hold dear to myself here know to the dreadful extent to which I can act because of being witness to it firsthand. Despite this knowledge, they trust me as much as it is possible to truth a person. For one of them, the last time we had met before all of this was when I had committed a terrible betrayal. By all rights he should have wanted me dead. I was expecting to die. I'd accepted it.

There was a pause, as if he nearly wanted to write something else out, before he seemed to think better of it and moves on.

He ended up ignoring all my expectations and saved my life. He thinks of me as a friend still, in fact. If it were two other people involved and I was merely an outsider looking in, maybe I could see the reason more clearly. It's only when it concerns myself that I seem suddenly blind.

I suppose there must surely be someone who can see these things so easily. Yet I could not say who they are, so I am at a loss trying to solve such a strange complicated thing on my own.

Setting his teacup aside and perusing the writing, he took a few minutes to double check his interpretation of the words then leaned back, resting his hands on his knees as he considered his answer.

"Lord Zulf, I don't think anyone in all the worlds in all of time has ever been able to fully comprehend the value others place on them. The weight of a soul, the gravity of love - these things are impossible to quantify. What is the value of friendship? It isn't a coin you can exchange and no metaphor is entirely appropriate to describe the meaning of one person to another," he remarked, tilting his head slowly with a faint frown. Sometimes, when he tried helping others, he discovered questions he himself had.

"I do not discuss it often, but my relationship with the young Hitachiin is my best example. I cannot explain our relationship. I cannot extract from it simple and singular pieces of information to make clear precisely why I feel the most exquisite pain when looking at him. Or further back, where I am from? I had a very dear friend who for no reason I will ever fully understand went from fearing me immensely to being willing to sacrifice himself for me. And I can assure you, I was sometimes very cruel and unfair to him, as ever I have been to human mortals when the whim struck me."

The onmyoji shook his head, surprised that he was almost disgusted with his past self. Ah, the things that changed in a few months time.

"No one is able to see clearly the reasons behind the actions of others. Often those committing the actions hardly know the answers themselves. There is no clarity in the future when seeking to understand that which even the Gods themselves find vexing. The one thing that we can never predict or control is the caprice of the heart."

The caprice of the heart... Somehow that reminds him of something, and the words come to him quickly. Instead of waiting for a moment, he takes his hand to paper and starts to write again. It's been a very long time since the talks he used to have in the Tazal Terminals, but he can still remember them all quite clearly. He can remember a lot of things about his home quite clearly, if he's honest.

In the Tazal Terminals, government and religion go hand in hand. There are various religious groups, each dedicated to a specific member of the Pantheon and each in charge of a specific part of the Tazal Terminals. Their views are unique and varying in accordance to who they have dedicated themselves to.

What you just said reminds me of something I heard from a Hense priest. Out of the Pantheon, Hense and Acobi represent relationships between people the best or so it is said. Their vines and chains bind us, although in the Terminals, the dedicates of Acobi deal with the more legal side of things. With the Hense dedicate, he said that when we create relationships with others, we are binding ourselves with vines covered in thorns. They can be painful things. However, as the Veiled Widow herself found roses being born with the help of her two brothers, beautiful things may bloom.

I repeat only what I have been told, mind you.

Nodding slowly after reading, Seimei smiled, sliding the paper back to the Ura.

"Roses make for an excellent analogy to relationships, certainly. From the wicked, biting brambles come beautiful things you can only reach if you're willing to brave the thorns. You know these things, Lord Zulf. You don't need me to tell you what is already in your heart. You will recover with time, and when you find your voice, the Bastion will be better for it," the onmyoji remarked, taking up his tea once more and holding his sleeve back gracefully to drink.

After a moment of thought he looked off distantly, considering. Thorns indeed.

"Lord Zulf..." he murmured after a moment, frowning and setting his tea aside. It was not often he felt he needed advice as well, but sharing was an important part of building relationships with others, particularly humans, and Seimei was at a loss himself.

"Your pantheon of Gods...they seem rather less...obtuse than my own culture's Gods tend to be. Have you ever heard, in any of their teachings, words regarding matters of...family? I have never been burdened with a family, mine left me very early, but I understand how important they are to others. If one were, say, standing in the way of family but not a part of it, what ought that person do? Extract themselves from the situation? Leave?" he asked, face carefully neutral.

"I wonder how long it is before one becomes a burden..."

So all that was left was to simply to wait. He supposed that was how it often was when it came to wounds, whether that of the body or the mind. Zulf let himself stew on that for a moment, tending to his own tea before it lost anymore of its flavor that it had already lost. To be address once again was a bit of a surprise, and he promptly looked up again. So now he was the one being asked for advice. He wasn't entirely certain how much help he could be. That enough showed by the slight frown he made. Still, he closed his eyes and thought carefully before starting to write once again.

In one way, all the tales of the Pantheon have to do with family. That is what they are, after all. The Lorn Mother is the head of her family. Pyth, Lemaign, Acobi, Jevel, and Garmuth are her eldest children. Hense, Roathus, Yudrig, and Olak are her youngest. As with any family, conflict has happened amongst their ranks.

Since you have had no family for a long time, may I assume you are referring to another? I am afraid the situation as you have described may be too vague for me to properly think on it.

Narrowing dark eyes and looking away over the garden, Seimei tapped his fingers lightly on his legs after situating himself not facing the Ura. He might have wished for more tea, but felt rude drinking so much while Zulf took so little.

"I am in the way," he stated after a long bout of quiet thought. "I want to do what is right...for Kaoru," he admitted, sighing long and deeply, lacing his fingers together to keep his hands still.

"His feelings, his life. He is all sunshine and I feel sometimes that I do little more than cast shadows everywhere he seeks to have light. I will never be the summer bird that he is, never so energetic and full of enthusiasm for things. Others are more appropriately suited to this but neither do I wish to have my life bereft of the light and joy he graces it with. But I believe myself to be impeding him and keeping him from things that matter infinitely more. I do not know what to do, and I admit I am a selfish man, Lord Zulf. It takes very much not to be, for someone like me."

This time, his writing is quicker and more decisive. Instead of sliding the paper over to Seimei, he holds it up.

Has he asked you to leave?

Tilting his head to regard the paper, Seimei snorted a laugh, arching a brow and swiveling his head to eye the Ura suspiciously. And here the man acted like his words were meaningless. Even his written ones, few as they were, held plenty of wisdom.

"No, he has not. Had he asked me to, I would have, heavyhearted though I may have been. Even so, sometimes people do not say things for not even they realize they need to. I imagine he wants me there, I am almost certain our feelings for one another remain intact, but we hardly speak or see one another. I cannot fill the void family can, and I worry that his relations with me are a stress he could do without."

More quickly written words, all of them coming to him in a heartbeat. He knows this, after all. He knows romance, the troubles that comes with it, how family plays into it all. It's something he once had to deal with on his own, when it came to his own beloved. An Ura man courting a Caelondian woman, after all? Once he finishes, he slides it over to Seimei once again.

Romance often causes stress. It is a series of thorns you both must learn to deal with so long as you love one another and wish to stay close. You may not be family from his land or his world, but such a relation as this makes the two of you close to.

Speak to him. A proper romance is something between two people. A decision such as this cannot be made by you alone. You must speak with him. Ask if he wants you to leave. Ask if there is anything you can do to lessen the burden you believe you give him.

That is the most important thing. This is something you must work through together. I can only tell you so much.

Reading the letters carefully, Seimei opened his his mouth to speak, inhaling first. It turned into a sudden gasp of breath that sounded very much like a sob and he stopped, looking up slowly at Zulf as though wondering if it had been heard. He said nothing on the matter, clearing his throat and sniffing in that ever-so-arrogant way of his.

"Of course. Its sensible and only the right thing to do. Thank you," he murmured, leaning to refill Zulf's tea and distract himself a moment. After a bit of thought he poured himself more tea and raised it to sip quietly.

"I have never allowed myself to be this close to anyone, ever. I do not know what to do as a human...let alone as a man. I only know that the separation pains me, and I should not be so...reliant on him, when he has so much more to worry about more important than me."

Zulf notices, but makes no movement to point it out. He simply pretend to organize some of the paper that is about before Seimei speaks up again. There's a nod before he goes a little awkwardly stiff as more tea is given to him. Ah... He keeps forgetting about it. So not to seem rude, he goes back to steadily drinking the tea while Seimei explains himself. All in all, it sounds... normal, for someone not used to a bond such as this. Another sip of his tea, and Zulf places the cup down so that he can write once more.

That is normal. If this is your first relationship that has become so intimate, it is little wonder that you have grown so attached. Give it time and soon you should adjust if all goes well.

As for reliance on your loved one... That is normal. Simply make sure that he can rely on you just as much. Lovers share so much: their joys, their frustrations, their sorrows. Since you are still inexperienced and he is presumably less so, it's perfectly acceptable to rely on him a little more.

Hearing the scratch of parchment once more, Seimei turned his head, looking down curiously as the letters formed the patterns of words, a snort of a laugh passing his nose.

"I sometimes wonder about my little prince and his experience," the onmyoji grunted, arching a brow and shaking his head with a faint smirk. "Suffice to say in matters of worldly things, I'd say he's a sight more experienced than I am. I quite literally lived as a hermit for most of my years. I have never really liked people, even less so being forced to interact with them. My time here has been nothing but one learning experience after another."

If one is not learning, than one is stagnating. That is what my father used to say.

And with that written down, Zulf goes back to his tea.

"Hm. Yes, quite right," Seimei replied with a small nod, looking off to the garden and drinking his own tea in the shared silence. Were their relative ages not so apparent, one might mistake them for elderly men, two sage advisers enjoying quiet company and the beauty of nature. In way, both of them were far older than their years, and they shared much in their weary manners.

"Lord Zulf, I'll be going away for a time regardless of the situation, I've decided. I need to do some things and there are matters I would tend to on the Skyway. While I am out there, is there anything you might wish me to keep an eye out for? I can offer little in the way of payment for patiently enduring my company, but if I find anything I will happily return with it for you."

Similarities or not, Zulf simply enjoyed the quiet mutual silence. It was peaceful in this place, with the soft wind rustling through the trees. If he hadn't known better, than he would have never thought to imagine the destruction of the Calamity lay beyond the walls. It felt almost too peaceful here for something like such a disaster to have ever taken place.

The offer made only had him hastily shaking his head before he recalled the paper once more.

I really would not want you to go out of your way, especially as I had merely done for you what you had already done for me.

"Then I will simply bring back anything of value I can find and hope it suits. And offer my gratitude. Thank you for your counsel," he remarked, bowing deeply from his spot, rising after a moment and gazing towards the main hall.

"If there is nothing else, I believe I will excuse myself and retire for a while."

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Day 163 // Every plan is a tiny prayer to father time

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