thebastion | Day 163 // Every plan is a tiny prayer to father time

Entry tags:

Day 163 // Every plan is a tiny prayer to father time

Who: Zulf and you
Open: Open
When: Day 163
Where: Throughout the Bastion
What: Well, someone has to take up the kitchen work, and prepare Night's funeral, and write down the history and culture of two different cities...
Format: Anything
Warnings: Nothing immediately comes to mind, although it should be noted that Zulf is in a bad state mentally/emotionally so depending on the conversations, things could be described. Lemme know where you want to run into him!

As soon as he's able, Zulf leaves the hospital. It's not like he deserves to be there, after all, not with the dead, not with the injured. He's fine, isn't he? Besides... There's too much to do. So on the 163rd day of the Bastion's existence, feel free to run into him just about anywhere looking exhausted in nearly every way imaginable.

...Unless your name is Raile, Zia, Rucks, Colin, Rin, Zayna, Zahi, Nathaniel, or Rosethorn. In which case, seeing any of those individuals makes the man startle before immediately trying to find a way to leave the area before conversation can happen. Seriously, he will bolt if he has to, don't make him change from a quick walk.

Periodically throughout the day, Zulf can be found in the kitchens...

With Rin out of commission and Mireille still taking care of her baby, someone has to keep the kitchen up and running. Zulf still remembers the offer he made to her, so of course he's going to keep to what he said. Breakfast, lunch, dinner... He's not in the kitchen the entire day, but he's there often enough. His sleeves are rolled up and he's hard at work like maybe enough cooking will help things. Feel free to interrupt him at any time.

Sometime in the morning after breakfast, it's off to the the Hitachiin-Abe home.

It's something he's been meaning to get to for ages now, really. Seimei had asked about the Tazal Terminals and Caelondia. It's just proper that he finally get to writing all the large amount of answers. He's already holding some things in his arms when he gets there, a thick heavy photo album stacked with papers and crude writing tools- things he's scavenged here and there particularly from the Mancer Observatory. He's passed by the home before, but it's only now that he takes a moment to admire it. Any of the residents can find him waiting awkwardly by the front, not sure how to make his presence known.

Come night, well, that is traditionally the Lorn Mother's time. Anyone still awake... Well, there's a light on at the Shrine.

Honestly, he doesn't know the state of the Gods for all these other worlds that have fallen apart. All he knows it that the Pantheon still has its eye on the scattered fragments that once made up Caelondia, the Terminals, the Wild Unknown... So at least there's that. If she doesn't have anywhere to go or where she's going is worse than that, the Lorn Mother can keep her safe. If there is somewhere for her... Mother guide her home.

Either way, they need to have a funeral. Both to help her soul be free of its ties to the physical, and to help those still alive mourn.

So he gets hard at work, cleaning the shrine with an almost single minded dedication. There won't be any rest until it's spotless... Although he won't lie, he's doing his best to avoid any kind of rest as much as he can. So maybe someone will walk in on him doing that.

When he isn't cleaning, however, he's settled to the side. There's a small pile of salvaged clothing besides him and a sorry excuse for a sewing kit that he makes do with. Red seems to be a theme with the clothes he's picked out...

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

If there was one thing Zulf considered himself good at, when not speaking himself, it was listening. Even with Rucks, after everything they've been unwillingly together through, he had managed to get himself to calm down. So while Seimei had a lot of words to say, Zulf listened carefully and stored everything said away with just as much care. In a way, it was a reassurance to hear so much. Maybe it was because it meant that great thought had been put into what was being said. Maybe because since he could not get himself to speak, it was valuable to listen to others.

Everything that was said... It made sense. It was all information he already knew. Hadn't he once made his living on words, on the effect they could have on others? It was something he had known even as a child scrambling for survival on the streets. What words could make a person pity you more, the words that had trouble running straight towards you. Then his father had come and taught him more. Taught him other words, taught him how a lack often brought strife...

Once upon a time, he had risked his own life to be able to go to a place and try to solve pain from the Point Lemaign War with his words alone. In what seemed like an entirely different story, once upon a time, he had desperately hoped that his words could help prevent disaster. They'd failed, both times, but that didn't mean words no longer had any worth. Just... his. That's what it felt like.

He stayed silent for a good while after Seimei finished speaking, gaze focused elsewhere as he stewed in his own thoughts. There was no denying that there was a lot of sense in what he had just been told. But... still no solution. Finally, after some minutes, he released a breath and reached forward to write once more.

Sometimes I wish I could properly understand what it is about me that is so valuable to other people. I sometimes think it is because they cannot possibly understand that I have done horrible things since I have not told them of such.

Yet I know that the truth is the opposite of that. Even when I was young and had done careless cruel things, I still became someone who, to another, was of much worth. Those who I hold dear to myself here know to the dreadful extent to which I can act because of being witness to it firsthand. Despite this knowledge, they trust me as much as it is possible to truth a person. For one of them, the last time we had met before all of this was when I had committed a terrible betrayal. By all rights he should have wanted me dead. I was expecting to die. I'd accepted it.

There was a pause, as if he nearly wanted to write something else out, before he seemed to think better of it and moves on.

He ended up ignoring all my expectations and saved my life. He thinks of me as a friend still, in fact. If it were two other people involved and I was merely an outsider looking in, maybe I could see the reason more clearly. It's only when it concerns myself that I seem suddenly blind.

I suppose there must surely be someone who can see these things so easily. Yet I could not say who they are, so I am at a loss trying to solve such a strange complicated thing on my own.

Setting his teacup aside and perusing the writing, he took a few minutes to double check his interpretation of the words then leaned back, resting his hands on his knees as he considered his answer.

"Lord Zulf, I don't think anyone in all the worlds in all of time has ever been able to fully comprehend the value others place on them. The weight of a soul, the gravity of love - these things are impossible to quantify. What is the value of friendship? It isn't a coin you can exchange and no metaphor is entirely appropriate to describe the meaning of one person to another," he remarked, tilting his head slowly with a faint frown. Sometimes, when he tried helping others, he discovered questions he himself had.

"I do not discuss it often, but my relationship with the young Hitachiin is my best example. I cannot explain our relationship. I cannot extract from it simple and singular pieces of information to make clear precisely why I feel the most exquisite pain when looking at him. Or further back, where I am from? I had a very dear friend who for no reason I will ever fully understand went from fearing me immensely to being willing to sacrifice himself for me. And I can assure you, I was sometimes very cruel and unfair to him, as ever I have been to human mortals when the whim struck me."

The onmyoji shook his head, surprised that he was almost disgusted with his past self. Ah, the things that changed in a few months time.

"No one is able to see clearly the reasons behind the actions of others. Often those committing the actions hardly know the answers themselves. There is no clarity in the future when seeking to understand that which even the Gods themselves find vexing. The one thing that we can never predict or control is the caprice of the heart."

The caprice of the heart... Somehow that reminds him of something, and the words come to him quickly. Instead of waiting for a moment, he takes his hand to paper and starts to write again. It's been a very long time since the talks he used to have in the Tazal Terminals, but he can still remember them all quite clearly. He can remember a lot of things about his home quite clearly, if he's honest.

In the Tazal Terminals, government and religion go hand in hand. There are various religious groups, each dedicated to a specific member of the Pantheon and each in charge of a specific part of the Tazal Terminals. Their views are unique and varying in accordance to who they have dedicated themselves to.

What you just said reminds me of something I heard from a Hense priest. Out of the Pantheon, Hense and Acobi represent relationships between people the best or so it is said. Their vines and chains bind us, although in the Terminals, the dedicates of Acobi deal with the more legal side of things. With the Hense dedicate, he said that when we create relationships with others, we are binding ourselves with vines covered in thorns. They can be painful things. However, as the Veiled Widow herself found roses being born with the help of her two brothers, beautiful things may bloom.

I repeat only what I have been told, mind you.

Nodding slowly after reading, Seimei smiled, sliding the paper back to the Ura.

"Roses make for an excellent analogy to relationships, certainly. From the wicked, biting brambles come beautiful things you can only reach if you're willing to brave the thorns. You know these things, Lord Zulf. You don't need me to tell you what is already in your heart. You will recover with time, and when you find your voice, the Bastion will be better for it," the onmyoji remarked, taking up his tea once more and holding his sleeve back gracefully to drink.

After a moment of thought he looked off distantly, considering. Thorns indeed.

"Lord Zulf..." he murmured after a moment, frowning and setting his tea aside. It was not often he felt he needed advice as well, but sharing was an important part of building relationships with others, particularly humans, and Seimei was at a loss himself.

"Your pantheon of Gods...they seem rather less...obtuse than my own culture's Gods tend to be. Have you ever heard, in any of their teachings, words regarding matters of...family? I have never been burdened with a family, mine left me very early, but I understand how important they are to others. If one were, say, standing in the way of family but not a part of it, what ought that person do? Extract themselves from the situation? Leave?" he asked, face carefully neutral.

"I wonder how long it is before one becomes a burden..."

So all that was left was to simply to wait. He supposed that was how it often was when it came to wounds, whether that of the body or the mind. Zulf let himself stew on that for a moment, tending to his own tea before it lost anymore of its flavor that it had already lost. To be address once again was a bit of a surprise, and he promptly looked up again. So now he was the one being asked for advice. He wasn't entirely certain how much help he could be. That enough showed by the slight frown he made. Still, he closed his eyes and thought carefully before starting to write once again.

In one way, all the tales of the Pantheon have to do with family. That is what they are, after all. The Lorn Mother is the head of her family. Pyth, Lemaign, Acobi, Jevel, and Garmuth are her eldest children. Hense, Roathus, Yudrig, and Olak are her youngest. As with any family, conflict has happened amongst their ranks.

Since you have had no family for a long time, may I assume you are referring to another? I am afraid the situation as you have described may be too vague for me to properly think on it.

Narrowing dark eyes and looking away over the garden, Seimei tapped his fingers lightly on his legs after situating himself not facing the Ura. He might have wished for more tea, but felt rude drinking so much while Zulf took so little.

"I am in the way," he stated after a long bout of quiet thought. "I want to do what is right...for Kaoru," he admitted, sighing long and deeply, lacing his fingers together to keep his hands still.

"His feelings, his life. He is all sunshine and I feel sometimes that I do little more than cast shadows everywhere he seeks to have light. I will never be the summer bird that he is, never so energetic and full of enthusiasm for things. Others are more appropriately suited to this but neither do I wish to have my life bereft of the light and joy he graces it with. But I believe myself to be impeding him and keeping him from things that matter infinitely more. I do not know what to do, and I admit I am a selfish man, Lord Zulf. It takes very much not to be, for someone like me."

This time, his writing is quicker and more decisive. Instead of sliding the paper over to Seimei, he holds it up.

Has he asked you to leave?

Tilting his head to regard the paper, Seimei snorted a laugh, arching a brow and swiveling his head to eye the Ura suspiciously. And here the man acted like his words were meaningless. Even his written ones, few as they were, held plenty of wisdom.

"No, he has not. Had he asked me to, I would have, heavyhearted though I may have been. Even so, sometimes people do not say things for not even they realize they need to. I imagine he wants me there, I am almost certain our feelings for one another remain intact, but we hardly speak or see one another. I cannot fill the void family can, and I worry that his relations with me are a stress he could do without."

More quickly written words, all of them coming to him in a heartbeat. He knows this, after all. He knows romance, the troubles that comes with it, how family plays into it all. It's something he once had to deal with on his own, when it came to his own beloved. An Ura man courting a Caelondian woman, after all? Once he finishes, he slides it over to Seimei once again.

Romance often causes stress. It is a series of thorns you both must learn to deal with so long as you love one another and wish to stay close. You may not be family from his land or his world, but such a relation as this makes the two of you close to.

Speak to him. A proper romance is something between two people. A decision such as this cannot be made by you alone. You must speak with him. Ask if he wants you to leave. Ask if there is anything you can do to lessen the burden you believe you give him.

That is the most important thing. This is something you must work through together. I can only tell you so much.

Reading the letters carefully, Seimei opened his his mouth to speak, inhaling first. It turned into a sudden gasp of breath that sounded very much like a sob and he stopped, looking up slowly at Zulf as though wondering if it had been heard. He said nothing on the matter, clearing his throat and sniffing in that ever-so-arrogant way of his.

"Of course. Its sensible and only the right thing to do. Thank you," he murmured, leaning to refill Zulf's tea and distract himself a moment. After a bit of thought he poured himself more tea and raised it to sip quietly.

"I have never allowed myself to be this close to anyone, ever. I do not know what to do as a human...let alone as a man. I only know that the separation pains me, and I should not be so...reliant on him, when he has so much more to worry about more important than me."

Zulf notices, but makes no movement to point it out. He simply pretend to organize some of the paper that is about before Seimei speaks up again. There's a nod before he goes a little awkwardly stiff as more tea is given to him. Ah... He keeps forgetting about it. So not to seem rude, he goes back to steadily drinking the tea while Seimei explains himself. All in all, it sounds... normal, for someone not used to a bond such as this. Another sip of his tea, and Zulf places the cup down so that he can write once more.

That is normal. If this is your first relationship that has become so intimate, it is little wonder that you have grown so attached. Give it time and soon you should adjust if all goes well.

As for reliance on your loved one... That is normal. Simply make sure that he can rely on you just as much. Lovers share so much: their joys, their frustrations, their sorrows. Since you are still inexperienced and he is presumably less so, it's perfectly acceptable to rely on him a little more.

Hearing the scratch of parchment once more, Seimei turned his head, looking down curiously as the letters formed the patterns of words, a snort of a laugh passing his nose.

"I sometimes wonder about my little prince and his experience," the onmyoji grunted, arching a brow and shaking his head with a faint smirk. "Suffice to say in matters of worldly things, I'd say he's a sight more experienced than I am. I quite literally lived as a hermit for most of my years. I have never really liked people, even less so being forced to interact with them. My time here has been nothing but one learning experience after another."

If one is not learning, than one is stagnating. That is what my father used to say.

And with that written down, Zulf goes back to his tea.

"Hm. Yes, quite right," Seimei replied with a small nod, looking off to the garden and drinking his own tea in the shared silence. Were their relative ages not so apparent, one might mistake them for elderly men, two sage advisers enjoying quiet company and the beauty of nature. In way, both of them were far older than their years, and they shared much in their weary manners.

"Lord Zulf, I'll be going away for a time regardless of the situation, I've decided. I need to do some things and there are matters I would tend to on the Skyway. While I am out there, is there anything you might wish me to keep an eye out for? I can offer little in the way of payment for patiently enduring my company, but if I find anything I will happily return with it for you."

Similarities or not, Zulf simply enjoyed the quiet mutual silence. It was peaceful in this place, with the soft wind rustling through the trees. If he hadn't known better, than he would have never thought to imagine the destruction of the Calamity lay beyond the walls. It felt almost too peaceful here for something like such a disaster to have ever taken place.

The offer made only had him hastily shaking his head before he recalled the paper once more.

I really would not want you to go out of your way, especially as I had merely done for you what you had already done for me.

"Then I will simply bring back anything of value I can find and hope it suits. And offer my gratitude. Thank you for your counsel," he remarked, bowing deeply from his spot, rising after a moment and gazing towards the main hall.

"If there is nothing else, I believe I will excuse myself and retire for a while."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Day 163 // Every plan is a tiny prayer to father time

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject