Day 255 - Yeah no

[polariity]

When: Day 255, midday
Who: The Helmsman and anyone who trips over his prone body
Open/Close: Open
Where: The middle of the Bastion, facedown
What: You know what's nice? Grass is nice.
Format: I'll match
Warning: Blood warning/minor self harm in Aoi and Disciple threads

Ever since he'd been brought to the hospital in the middle of the night by Aradia and the Disciple, the Helmsman has been quiet. His throat has been in no condition to really speak, which had been one thing, but besides that... Any attempts to speak with him have just earned a narrow eyed look and thinned lips, although he'd gone along with attempts to feed him and put him into some cleaner clothes.

Apparently, today's the day that changes because anyone going about their business in the Bastion is liable to notice the gray-skinned and horned alien laying facedown in the middle of the little settlement. The clothes he's wearing are far too big for his food-deprived skinny body but despite what it looks like, he is breathing and is alive.

Don't mind him, he's just gonna be here for a while. If you trip, well, that's your problem. Suck it up.

Comments

[polariity]

It's such a familiar action, one he hasn't been able to do or receive after so many sweeps of his own hands consumed and trapped by biowires that leeched him of all he was worth. Against his will, he starts to cry again, dragging in wheezing gasps and choking out quiet sobs.

No one's touched his hands in so long.

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

She doesh't shoosh him time. There are no gentle paps. She holds his hand in hers, forgetting that it was supposed to be a quick touch. Her pad of her thumb brush over the back of his hand, tracing scars and the traces of biowire.

"It's okay. It's okay to cry Psii."

[polariity]

It shouldn't be okay, he shouldn't be allowed to, times like this almost make him wish he wasn't so goddamn stubborn. If he wasn't so stubborn, maybe he'd be like any other Helsman. He could be broken and numb to the pain and misery. It'd be a fucking break.

But he's not. He's not broken, he's not numb, and all he can do is cry all the harder, tears flooding down his face. He'd hold her hand if he could but he's still too weak for that. All he can do is twitch his fingers bit by little bit while the rest of his hand spasms with each sob that wracks through his body.

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

She holds on for him. He's crying but it's okay. Maybe it was Signless that taught her that was okay, after the sweeps where she'd learned to bury it inside. Probably him. It hurts to think of, but a good hurt. Somehow.

She leans in close, her hair sweeping a curtain around them that doesn't quite conceal, but it feels private. It's pitiful in a way that makes her feel protective, instinctively knowing that this isn't something someone should see. Too many sweeps of calling this weakness, knowing what softness of heart it implies. Behind her mass of hair, she doesn't cry, not yet, though she blinks away tears. This is for him.

[polariity]

He cries for a long time. He cries until his eyes are all dried out with nothing more to give and until his throat isn't capable of anymore. It hurts, to cry himself out so much. He hasn't cried like this since... he can't remember. He's always had a little bit more in him. But this is it, this is everything he has in him, and soon enough he falls quiet with wheezy little gasps.

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

When the sobbing falls silent, or silent as it can, she reaches with her free hand to stroke his hair. Slow strokes that only slightly catch on the goggles still strapped to his face. She still wants to pull them off, to rid him of every shred of the Condesce. She doesn't.

"If you want some water, I can get up. Or I can stay."

[polariity]

Water can go fuck itself. He doesn't care about his own bodily needs, he'll be more than happy if he never sees water again for the rest of his miserable life. Instead of crafting letters with energy, he just shuffles his weak body closer to her knees and presses his forehead against what of her he can reach.

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

She'll take what he gives and assume the answer from the lack of response. She breathes in, then out, slow. In the end, she'd forgotten what this sort of touch was like, the reassurance that came from having someone near. She wants to gather him up to her but she's still slightly afraid she might hurt him.

"I'm going to make you drink sometime you know. You can't survive on air and food alone. I'll have to see about what sort of food they have here. I...forgot to really look."

[polariity]

There's just a shake of his head at that, rough hair and the faintest brush of biowires against her knee. Finally, the psionics come back out to play.

D0n't n33d f00d

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

Hmn. Her face scrunches up at that. He was always a bit difficult at times.

"What do you mean? Is this a 'Psii doesn't want to bother' or 'Psii really doesn't need it'? Because it's hard to tell. And if you're still acting like this isn't real, real me wants real you to eat at least from time to time."

[polariity]

...Well, it's sort of a 'Psii doesn't want to bother' thing, and also-

2y2t3m pr0v1d32 4ppr0pr14t3 4m0unt 0f nutr14nt2

He's still sort of scared to admit that this could have the actual possibility of being real. At least he's moved onto active denial. That's... progress. Maybe.

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

...Oh they're back to this. She pets his hair a little. Geez Psiionic you'd make a person feel unwanted. Also, she's pretty sure eating was like one of your favorite things to do.

"Right. Let's say it doesn't provide nutrients. Just saying that. Saying that you're relying on outside sources of food and such. Would you eat then? Cause if you start wasting away because you refuse actual food, I am going to be pissed. Shit, we're probably going to have to keep you on soft foods and liquids aren't we. Like you came out the desert starving or something. "

[polariity]

A pause, and he nods. The fingers in his hair feel... it's kind of nice. Even if it's not real. Can't be real. Nope. Okay, he needs to breathe before he has a panic attack.

N0 phys1c4l f00d 21nc3 1nst4ll4t10n. Which explains a lot about the state of his body.

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

Of course. That would be work, feeding a Helmsman. Too much effort, too messy. God, a thousand sweeps without real food. It's a blessing he can eat whatever he has. Her hands almost grasp at his hair before she gets back control and smoothes it down. Slow slow. Calm.

"Soups and ...I guess mushed up things. If we can. I'll try to find fruit. You like fruit."

[polariity]

Another pause, and he peers up awkwardly up at her from beneath his hair and behind his goggles. She can probably guess what he's going to ask about before he forces the word into order.

0r4n932?

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

She laughs, sudden and loud, then smothers it behind her hand. Predictable yet, but it's those little moments that make her feel less like he's going to call her fake forever. He's still in there.

"I'll have to ask around. Like I said,I haven't been good about food...Or information either. Need to work on that."

[polariity]

A low kind of chirring noise echoes in his throat, too rough and broken to be a proper sound. It's a pale imitation of the kind of sounds he'd make a long time ago, scolding and exasperated at any slip ups.

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

"Oh shush." She runs a thumb along his cheek. She's still a little worried about the state of those vocal chords but he can make some noises. Better than nothing.

"You're ridiculous. Like you have any room to talk on such things."

[polariity]

"Mmmmmrr." His eyes flutter shut for a second at the way her thumb strokes along his skin, although he still finds himself instinctively shaking with it.

1 4m v3ry r32p0n216l3. 1 r4n 4 2h1p.

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

Past tense. Ran. She wonders if that's important or just a slip. It's hard to tell. Her thumb pauses in the little track it made, from just below the goggles to the edge of his jaw. Trembling could be good or bad and he might not tell her either way.

"Yes, yes. Very responsible. Being alone on the run makes you forget that people can give you much information or that food comes in more varieties than charred and dried. I'm lucky people found me or I'm sure I'd still be out on the skyway, watching from the outside, trying to eat their tuskbeasts."

[polariity]

"Thhhkbrrr..." It's mumbled and hoarse, but he is trying. The effort of trying makes him curl up a little more, however, nudging against some of her long wild hair.

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

"Hey--Hey don't force it." She croons, thumb tracing that path again quickly. He shouldn't push himself too fast. Can people hurt their throats like this? She's not a healer and worrying is certainly not helping.

"I can read just fine, you know. Have for sweeps and sweeps."

[polariity]

Another miserable little noise that isn't anything in particular. Almost reluctantly, always stubborn on the ridiculous things, he lets the words form in the air again.

tu2kb342t2??

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

"They have big tusks. And fur. And this long ridiculous appendage coming from the middle of their face." She taps his nose, "I don't know what else to call these things. I'm sure humans have a word for it but I don't know. But there looks to be a ton of meat on them. I could survive a perigree on it."

She pauses, "And don't be so sullen. You weren't talking at all earlier. Give things time."

[polariity]

Well, she knows him. It's either nothing at all, or all he has. An even middle is sometimes a thing his mind just can't comprehend. So for now he just makes another annoyed noise and presses his face against her knees, still curled up in a ball.