Day 255 - Yeah no

[polariity]

When: Day 255, midday
Who: The Helmsman and anyone who trips over his prone body
Open/Close: Open
Where: The middle of the Bastion, facedown
What: You know what's nice? Grass is nice.
Format: I'll match
Warning: Blood warning/minor self harm in Aoi and Disciple threads

Ever since he'd been brought to the hospital in the middle of the night by Aradia and the Disciple, the Helmsman has been quiet. His throat has been in no condition to really speak, which had been one thing, but besides that... Any attempts to speak with him have just earned a narrow eyed look and thinned lips, although he'd gone along with attempts to feed him and put him into some cleaner clothes.

Apparently, today's the day that changes because anyone going about their business in the Bastion is liable to notice the gray-skinned and horned alien laying facedown in the middle of the little settlement. The clothes he's wearing are far too big for his food-deprived skinny body but despite what it looks like, he is breathing and is alive.

Don't mind him, he's just gonna be here for a while. If you trip, well, that's your problem. Suck it up.

Comments

[polariity]

A low kind of chirring noise echoes in his throat, too rough and broken to be a proper sound. It's a pale imitation of the kind of sounds he'd make a long time ago, scolding and exasperated at any slip ups.

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

"Oh shush." She runs a thumb along his cheek. She's still a little worried about the state of those vocal chords but he can make some noises. Better than nothing.

"You're ridiculous. Like you have any room to talk on such things."

[polariity]

"Mmmmmrr." His eyes flutter shut for a second at the way her thumb strokes along his skin, although he still finds himself instinctively shaking with it.

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[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

Past tense. Ran. She wonders if that's important or just a slip. It's hard to tell. Her thumb pauses in the little track it made, from just below the goggles to the edge of his jaw. Trembling could be good or bad and he might not tell her either way.

"Yes, yes. Very responsible. Being alone on the run makes you forget that people can give you much information or that food comes in more varieties than charred and dried. I'm lucky people found me or I'm sure I'd still be out on the skyway, watching from the outside, trying to eat their tuskbeasts."

[polariity]

"Thhhkbrrr..." It's mumbled and hoarse, but he is trying. The effort of trying makes him curl up a little more, however, nudging against some of her long wild hair.

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

"Hey--Hey don't force it." She croons, thumb tracing that path again quickly. He shouldn't push himself too fast. Can people hurt their throats like this? She's not a healer and worrying is certainly not helping.

"I can read just fine, you know. Have for sweeps and sweeps."

[polariity]

Another miserable little noise that isn't anything in particular. Almost reluctantly, always stubborn on the ridiculous things, he lets the words form in the air again.

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[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

"They have big tusks. And fur. And this long ridiculous appendage coming from the middle of their face." She taps his nose, "I don't know what else to call these things. I'm sure humans have a word for it but I don't know. But there looks to be a ton of meat on them. I could survive a perigree on it."

She pauses, "And don't be so sullen. You weren't talking at all earlier. Give things time."

[polariity]

Well, she knows him. It's either nothing at all, or all he has. An even middle is sometimes a thing his mind just can't comprehend. So for now he just makes another annoyed noise and presses his face against her knees, still curled up in a ball.

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

There's her stubborn idiot. Glad to see he's still just as ridiculous about things as he ever was. It's reassuring. It's reassuring and suddenly overwhelming. He's alive. He's talking to her. He's pressed against her knee like she's got her lap filled with a book and pen and he still wants touch. She takes a breath but it shudders. She suddenly wants to cry again. Happy tears, but tears nonetheless.

"Psii...You can try speaking but maybe don't expect it to come out well for a bit."

[polariity]

The words that come in response are formed... slow. Careful and hesitant, like he's not sure he wants a response back.

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[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

"Reality doesn't stop facts like you haven't spoken in more sweeps than it seems possible. Dreams and hallucinations are the place where you could probably speak normally with a throat like that. Or is this about something else?"

She's not sure what answer he wants. What answer he's clearly afraid to get.

[polariity]

The shake of his head means this might have to do with something else, but he doesn't eve hint what it could be for a good few moments. It's only after what might be some deep thought does he finally form the words again.

1 w4nt t0 d0 th1n92.

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

She pauses, strokes his cheek almost absently. She's still not sure what he wants, what he means, but catching up to his thoughts has always been a bit of a trial.

"What do you want to do?"

[polariity]

Another long time before an answer comes. Flicking out between his lips, his split tongue grinds against one of his fangs anxiously. He's a coward, he knows he is, and this is frightening.

4nyth1n9

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

"Anything is pulling from a large group of a lot of things. I mean...do you want to go look at the skyway? Go up to my hiveblock? Walk--er...float? Is that how you got out here? Cause I'm positive you can't walk. I'd be happy to do anything with you, just don't want to tire you out."

[polariity]

There's just a nod after nod of every suggestion she makes. Yes, yes, yes. His fingers give a shake, wanting to curl against her somehow but with none of the strength to make such a thing possible. There's obviously something he's not saying. He's just too scared to make it clear.

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

She pauses, watching him closer. She's forgotten the little things, after so long. The way he hides things, the all or nothing of his enthusiasm and apathy.

"If you want to do everything, luckily, we seem to have the time. ...but Psii, it's okay to tell me anything. To ask for anything."

[polariity]

23lf12h is erratically formed in the air, messy and nearly incoherent, gone within seconds as he just curls up all the harder. It's an old song and dance. Old and once buried when he'd traveled with them for so long, when they'd taught him it was okay to want things for his own reasons and no one else's no matter what it was.

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

"Nothing is selfish about wanting something Psii. I want to give you the things you want, let me at least try to do the things you really want, not the things I think you might like."

She traces her fingertips over his face and pops his nose quickly, "Just spit it out, just all at once so you don't have to think about it."

[polariity]

Maybe the cry did him some good. It takes a little while, but finally the psi forms more words.

1 w4nt t0 63 46l3 t0 d0 th1n92

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

"What's stopping you? You can't do everything but you can do some things now and work up to other things later."

Though she feels like this is about reality, about having the ability to chose, or something. Giving the obvious, easy answers, feels like a copout in some way though.

[polariity]

3v3ryth1n9

Yeah, it's about reality. Nervous sparks start to go up his horns again, like he shouldn't be admitting this.

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

"Shoooosh." She paps him this time. It's softer than it might have been before. A combination of fear of hurting him and showing him the gentleness he had been without.

"Everything isn't stopping you. Fear of things is. And that's okay. It's okay to be scared. To be afraid that things will be different, that accepting you can do things might mean you have to do things. I won't make you do anything but eat and sleep Psii. The rest is up to you. If you want to do things, I will be here every step of it."

Doubling over is a little uncomfortable. Moving isn't an option though and she wants to be close to him for a little while. Closer. Practically bent in half, she kisses his forehead softly.

"I know you're afraid you're believing in a hallucination. But you're not. And I think you find the horror you know safer than the unknowable reality. But you're not scared of the hard things Psii. You survived being a helmsman, you survived years of slavery, you survive. You'll survive this."

[polariity]

Survive. Yes, he'll always survive, even sometimes when he doesn't want to. He makes a bitter and dry sob, brow furrowing at the soft kiss she presses against his forehead. It's not any worse, however, thanks to the gentle shooshpap, and he just lays there.

Is it really okay to be scared? He was supposed to be some brave rebel hero, once upon a time, however much he resented a title he didn't think he earned. Can he really face something like this? He doesn't know and suddenly he's so very tired. Instead of another response written in air, his psionics gently skitter along her fingers and up her wirst.