thebastion | Day 163 // Every plan is a tiny prayer to father time

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Day 163 // Every plan is a tiny prayer to father time

Who: Zulf and you
Open: Open
When: Day 163
Where: Throughout the Bastion
What: Well, someone has to take up the kitchen work, and prepare Night's funeral, and write down the history and culture of two different cities...
Format: Anything
Warnings: Nothing immediately comes to mind, although it should be noted that Zulf is in a bad state mentally/emotionally so depending on the conversations, things could be described. Lemme know where you want to run into him!

As soon as he's able, Zulf leaves the hospital. It's not like he deserves to be there, after all, not with the dead, not with the injured. He's fine, isn't he? Besides... There's too much to do. So on the 163rd day of the Bastion's existence, feel free to run into him just about anywhere looking exhausted in nearly every way imaginable.

...Unless your name is Raile, Zia, Rucks, Colin, Rin, Zayna, Zahi, Nathaniel, or Rosethorn. In which case, seeing any of those individuals makes the man startle before immediately trying to find a way to leave the area before conversation can happen. Seriously, he will bolt if he has to, don't make him change from a quick walk.

Periodically throughout the day, Zulf can be found in the kitchens...

With Rin out of commission and Mireille still taking care of her baby, someone has to keep the kitchen up and running. Zulf still remembers the offer he made to her, so of course he's going to keep to what he said. Breakfast, lunch, dinner... He's not in the kitchen the entire day, but he's there often enough. His sleeves are rolled up and he's hard at work like maybe enough cooking will help things. Feel free to interrupt him at any time.

Sometime in the morning after breakfast, it's off to the the Hitachiin-Abe home.

It's something he's been meaning to get to for ages now, really. Seimei had asked about the Tazal Terminals and Caelondia. It's just proper that he finally get to writing all the large amount of answers. He's already holding some things in his arms when he gets there, a thick heavy photo album stacked with papers and crude writing tools- things he's scavenged here and there particularly from the Mancer Observatory. He's passed by the home before, but it's only now that he takes a moment to admire it. Any of the residents can find him waiting awkwardly by the front, not sure how to make his presence known.

Come night, well, that is traditionally the Lorn Mother's time. Anyone still awake... Well, there's a light on at the Shrine.

Honestly, he doesn't know the state of the Gods for all these other worlds that have fallen apart. All he knows it that the Pantheon still has its eye on the scattered fragments that once made up Caelondia, the Terminals, the Wild Unknown... So at least there's that. If she doesn't have anywhere to go or where she's going is worse than that, the Lorn Mother can keep her safe. If there is somewhere for her... Mother guide her home.

Either way, they need to have a funeral. Both to help her soul be free of its ties to the physical, and to help those still alive mourn.

So he gets hard at work, cleaning the shrine with an almost single minded dedication. There won't be any rest until it's spotless... Although he won't lie, he's doing his best to avoid any kind of rest as much as he can. So maybe someone will walk in on him doing that.

When he isn't cleaning, however, he's settled to the side. There's a small pile of salvaged clothing besides him and a sorry excuse for a sewing kit that he makes do with. Red seems to be a theme with the clothes he's picked out...

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[On the bright side, that earns a sound- a sharp scoff, but a sound. On the down side, a self depreciating smile twists across his face that's just full of bitterness.]

[He doesn't know who told you he was better than anything, Rin.]

[You are so damn lucky she's getting good at reading this mime act of yours, Zulf.

She storms in to the shrine, ignoring her cast to grab Zulf by the arm.]

I thought you were better than that 'cause you showed me you were better than that! You showed me when you let me cry on your shoulder, when you told me all those things about your life, showed me those pictures! You... you sang to me! You told me about the gods and the Mother and reached out to me when so many other people didn't even know how to deal with me!

[As angry as she is, really... it's upset and sadness and heart break that's driving her to be there at all, to cry out at him in this way. She wants to shake him and scream and shout at holler until he answers but she also just wants to cry and sob and cling to him like she did before.

Her hand lets go of his arm, tears in her angry-sad eyes as she stares at him for all of a second before...

hugging him.]

Where did that person go... ? Wh-why do you feel like you gotta hide from us now... ? Why can't... can't you let us do the same for you... ? I ain't mad at you for bein' weak, everyone feels like that when things get to be too much! I'm mad 'cause you won't let us do anythin' for you! I already lost Yoru, I don't wanna lose you, too!

[And there it was. The real reason she was so upset, so frustrated with him. She had witnessed the death of the closest person she had to a sister in this place at the end of the world, and all she could think of was how to make some one she cared about and respected start talking again...]

[But that doesn't mean anything]

[It doesn't, does it? Because he's not a fighter or a healer or an engineer. He's just- he was just a speaker. He just knew how to talk to people, sometimes, that's all he could do was talk and talk and it never really did anything, it never stopped the Calamity despite what he tried to do. Without that, he's useless, everything he does just hurting like with Raile and Night...]

[He doesn't fight against the grip on his arm, just goes limp- gives up. He lets his head fall, expecting the worst because that's all he deserves. Maybe so many better things would have happened if he simply didn't exist, if he'd died in the Hanging Gardens or in the Tazal Terminals and the Bastion had just wiped him clean from the plate of the world.]

[When she lets go of his arm, he's expecting a hit or more yelling at the very best. Because-]

[...She's warm.]

[...Slowly, he starts to shake again, the thin thread that's barely been holding him together starting to unravel. There's a pained strangled noise, although it has nothing to do with how tightly she's holding him. His body gives a jerk like a hiccup is going through him, and then another, and another, but it's not that at all.]

[Tears start to drip down onto Rin's shoulder, sparse at first but then they just keep on coming. The shaking gets ever worse until it's practically a miracle that he's still all in one piece in her arms, but he's still trying to hold himself back. No proper sobs, no wailing, just broken little noises as he tries to hold himself together while it all slips between his fingers.]

[Well it's... something. Noise, no words, but... something. She holds him tightly, a proper hug even with her injuries. He let her do this to him, and she's returning the favor.

Her hand moved to his back, a bit awkward and rough feeling with the cast, but she was able to rub her hand there in a comforting motion.

Let it out, Zulf... Rin is willing to let you even after all that screaming.]

[Somehow that just seems to make it worse, the rough feel of her cast against his clothing as her hand presses against his back. It's suffocating, somehow. All his breaths are wet gasps, a struggle to breathe.]

[He doesn't deserves this, but he's getting it anyway and nearly doesn't know what to do. They all want him to talk, but... He can't. How could he explain anyway?]

[So he just stays there, still not letting himself fall to as much crying as he needs to, but still wet faced and with almost sobs wheezing out from him. Just a bit, he leans into her hug, shoulders trembling. There's a hiccup.]

[God this is just making her feel worse... it's a reaction, but not the one she really wanted. Even if it does feel like he just needs to get out out, hearing some one sob like that is just painful...

It's certainly not helping how she feels like she's going to cry, too.]

I... I'm sorry... that I yelled at you...

[She just didn't know how else to deal with him.]

[Another more violent shudder than the rest, and he tries to pull away. There's a sort of keening noise that still isn't words, but could possibly be translated as "Please don't apologize because I can't handle that right now and honestly I am filled with so much self loathing that I agreed with every word".]

[Of course, it also might just mean he doesn't know what to do. Still... Something has to happen, even if he won't admit it.]

Tch... still gonna apologize for bein' an ass...

[Clearly she took it as the first one.]

[A hiccup.]

[There's no translation for that, it's just a hiccup. He seems to be sort of reigning himself in, wiping his tears away and just hiccuping sadly.]

[She's not going to expect him to speak anymore. As much as she hates not hearing him talk, even she knows better than to force it.]

... feel any better?

[Even a little?]

[Define 'better'. He feels... drained, in a way, so is that it? He just gives a nod anyway, not wanting to make her anymore upset.]

[Less likely to cry? She doesn't even know.

... and now it's kind of awkward because what do you talk about to a person who won't talk anymore?]

[He'll try not to cry just for you, then, Rin.]

[Zulf doesn't seem to have much of an idea either, but eventually he sort of... gestures to the pile of clothing.]

[Oh. Right, that.]

... is that for Night... ?

[There's a pause before he gives a slow shake of his head. Not... quite. He points to Rin, then to the rest of the Bastion outside the shrine.]

... oh.

[Right. He had explained that once before, hadn't he? That makes her frown thoughtfully. She had been kept informed a little bit of what was going on with all that via Bon, but one thing had been nagging at her. Even if they were likely going to go the same route that was commonly taken in Japan (cremation) were they just going to go with the bloody, torn clothes that Night had been in before she died?]

... should... should I get somethin' from her room... ? For her?

[At first, there's just a quirk of his head as he doesn't quite understand. It hits him a moment later and he gets up with a finger held up. Give him a moment, Rin.]

[He gets up, going to a small nook in the shrine where he's set something away. It's just a plain pale gray dress. The front of it, however, has had a similar gray thread going through it, making the pattern of a chain all up the front of it.]

[He goes to sit besides Rin again, holding it out to her. He needs a second opinion- it's more or less Night's size.]

[A long dress, not all that dissimilar from the things Night used to wear. Rin takes it, running a finger along the chain pattern threaded through it, blinking back tears again.

It's her turn to be silent, giving a nod as she hands it back.]

[...He somewhat expected that reaction. Zulf takes the dress back and folds it again so he can set it to the side. Then, reaching for Rin, he cups her face and leans close to press a soft kiss on her forehead.]

[Maybe that should have surprised Rin more, but for some reason it didn't. Maybe if it had she would have smiled more, but instead it turns out to be the thing needed to let her own tears start falling.

She doesn't sob or cry out, just letting them fall silently.]

Thank you...

[A wobbly kind of smile, and Zulf sweeps his thumb to wipe some of her tears away. He keeps his hand there, just wiping away the tears.]

[Inevitably, the song starts to start, hummed out.]

[If anything, it's just left over emotions from grief. Not the sobbing, screaming mess she had been before. She missed Night already, and every time she thought about her, her heart clenched and her eyes burned.

That wasn't going away any time soon.

But Zulf being there, doing what he's doing... it helps. The ache is a little less, and it's easier to remember the good things and not those last horrible moments.

She lets him hum, and lets her own tears fall, but they dry up soon enough and she finds herself asking a question.]

... I'm kinda hungry. You don't gotta eat anythin' but... you wanna come with me to the kitchen? I'll probably need a hand anyway.

[Pulling his hand back, he seems to give it some consideration. There's still a lot of work to be done... But he supposes he may as well. A nod, and he starts to fold up and put away the clothes and cloth.]

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