Day 288

[polariity]

Who: The Helmsman and you
Open: Open
When: Day 288
Where: By the entrance to the Skyway
What: The Helmsman ventures out and comes back with some shinies he's heard so much about.
Format: Any
Warnings: The usual difficulties that come with chatting it up with him

Regardless of the tension that's flared up because of recent discussions, it seems as though the Helmsman's schedule hasn't changed particularly greatly. Today, just like every other day, he ventures outwards from the Tower. Unlike every other day, however, he doesn't venture off onto Dragonfield or wander about the Bastion or lay face down on the grass. Instead, when he shows up again, it's from the direction of the Skyway and a bruise blossoming on one side of his face.

And then he lays down on the grass where anyone could step on him.

At least it's not just laying, this time. Sparks of red and blue lift up tiny little shards for him to inspect curiously. For anyone in the area, he's not hard to miss.

Comments

[bakegarasu]

Yeah he... doesn't get that one. He just stares for a moment.

"Something about your head?"

Gestures can only do so much.

[polariity]

They really do, but at least he's on the right track. The Helmsman gives a nod before moving onto the next part- forming energy into a sort of puzzle pieces, all scattered.

[bakegarasu]

"... It's hard to put everything together?" Something... like that.

[polariity]

A shake of his head. No, he's still as fucking brilliant as ever and he'd fight even his own hallucinations if they tried to tell him otherwise. Instead, he tries again, gesturing to his head and then to the puzzle pieces again.

[bakegarasu]

"The puzzle is in your head?"

This is just not going well.

[polariity]

This is absolutely not going well.

After a second of just having his face in his hands, Psii tries a different picture. This time, a crude vase breaking apart into a dozen little pieces.

[bakegarasu]

"... Your brain is breaking?"

Something along those lines. Body language has never really been his game.

[polariity]

You know what? Fuck it. That's good enough. He gives a vague 'sorta' gesture of his hand.

[bakegarasu]

"... That sucks."

Because honestly, what else can you say to that?

[polariity]

A shrug. What else is new? The Helmsman seems almost apathetic to the news.

[bakegarasu]

Yeah, he just... flops back down. "Yeah. Pretty much."

[polariity]

Wow, someone else getting it? His mind is generous today. The Helmsman gestures to him curiously.

[bakegarasu]

"What?" What about him? More context, please.

[polariity]

That sure is a skinny malnourished hand flapping against Otoha's head. Because that explains everything.

[bakegarasu]

He jerks back for a moment before relaxing. Instincts are hard to change, after all. But he sighs.

"Most people from my world wouldn't think I'm that good, mentally. Reiji would -"

He pauses for a moment as an unexpected surge of emotion makes his throat choke up. It doesn't hurt, of course, but it's annoying, and he blinks rapidly to hide any sign of possible tears. After a moment he keeps going.

"... Reiji would say that I can be pretty ruthless. He was always trying to get me to do 'normal' stuff like watch movies or whatever with him. I just never saw the point. ... But if you asked someone else they'd probably say I was fucked up. I don't feel pain, so... I don't see much point in being scared about anything. I guess that's not normal."

[polariity]

Scared of nothing?

He wonders how true that is, for either of them. Once upon a time, he thinks, he used to be terrified of ships and their innards of flesh and wire and how they could drain everything from a troll. How he knew that, one day, they'd reach for him and he'd never be able to get free from them.

And then it happened. And he couldn't be afraid of 'when' it would happen, because it was done, and that was that.

That's around the time he stopped giving a fuck.

Carefully, he presses one finger against Otoha's temple.

[bakegarasu]

He flinches away from the touch, hand reaching down towards his sword. No. He's not afraid of anything. He can't be. He can't afford to be. Not then and not now. He's a monster. A creature of action and destruction, not someone who can be allowed to think or feel. Fear is a feeling. It's not useful. Not for him. He can put on a pleasant smile but that's just to hide the monster underneath.

Isn't it? It can't be his real feelings. He doesn't have them. He's not supposed to have them. He's supposed to be tough, not someone weak who can feel and be hurt. He can't be. Those are for people. He's not a person. He never has been.

He swallows hard as he thinks through all of this, and just turns to look at the Psiioniic, expression as blank as he can make it.

[polariity]

He may as well not even have touched his sword for all that the Helmsman notices it. He just stares at him blankly, hand staying where it's fallen before his fingers tap lightly against his skin like he's trying to remind him of something.

[bakegarasu]

"... What?"

This is just getting weird, okay.

[polariity]

Yeah, that happens.

Since Otoha doesn't seem to be getting it, however, he makes a vaguely frustrated noise before flopping down onto the grass again.

[bakegarasu]

"... Sorry."

He does kind of feel bad for not being able to communicate with the other very well. He's just not good at this kind of thing.

[polariity]

Just a shrug and then a grating gargling sound. No worries, he's well aware that he's basically fucked on the communication front and trust him... It's just as annoying for him to figure out.

[bakegarasu]

He falls silent for a moment, staying still, before he reaches over, picks up some grass from the ground, and drops it on the Helmsman's head.

[polariity]

Otoha, why.

That seems to make the Helmsman bluescreen, freezing up and just blinking slowly in confusion.

[bakegarasu]

He just laughs a little bit. It's a little bit of an uneasy laughter, but at least it's there.

"... Just messing around."