And I feel summertime passing in haste, like running out of patience... [OPEN]

[hellpyre]

Who: One very broken half-demon and whoever might actually go looking for her.
Open: Open
When: Day 80
Where: The Bastion, Rin's apartment
What: Rin hasn't been seen since she and Night returned from looking for their lost loved ones. Some one is bound to notice her absence sooner or later
Format: Action
Warnings: None

[Rin had been an almost constant presence in the distillery kitchen in the month and some odd days she had been in the Bastion. If she wasn't out on the Skyway or sleeping she was helping Mireille, and even on her worst days being able to cook was enough to put a small smile on her face.

But for the past two days - ever since leaving with Night to the Skyway and returning - she was nowhere to be found. She wasn't in the distillery or anywhere else.

Well that wasn't entirely true. She was in her apartment. But that was the only place she had been in nearly two days.

And she would wind up staying there, so long as no one came looking for her...]

Comments

[hellpyre]

I think so...

[she lets out a huffy sigh and puts her arms up. She figures it might be worth giving some context to her comment.]

There were never any boys there when I was growin' up, but Dad only used to take in boys. He did the best he could with us but uh... I probably missed a lotta things, not havin' a mom around.

Yuki... [damn, there's that catch her throat again] Yuki did better'n me, but I think half of that was just me not givin' a shit, and her actually puttin' in the time to find out things on her own.

[individuates]

Mmm, I see, I see. Makes sense.

[look at that, Rin. You're dressed! Well, almost. He hands over her shirt]

Quite a lot of it makes sense now, actually. [he hesitates a second before he asks]

...are you okay? That's the second time you've done that. Choked up a little, when you mentioned her.

[hellpyre]

[Rin takes her shirt back, but she doesn't put it on, looking past Kaoru to the mirror and her own tired reflection.]

... I found her.

[individuates]

[he gasps softly, hurting for her as he reaches for her hands]

...outside?

[hellpyre]

On the Skyway...

[Instinctively she squeezes his hands back, shaking her head slowly.]

Sh... she's gone... she's like the rest... j-just a statue...

[individuates]

Oh, Rin-chan...

[he doesn't know what else to say, or do, other than just be there for her. He keeps hold of her hands, rubbing gently this his thumbs]

Rin-chan, Rin-chan I'm so sorry...

[hellpyre]

I... I don't understand... why I was saved and she wasn't...

[And not in a "why couldn't we both here?" way. She literally means why she's alive when she feels Yuki would be more suited to survive and help in a place like the Bastion.]

It's not fair... she's the better exorcist... better everythin'...

[individuates]

[he gently leads Rin out into the living room to sit down on the sofa. Gosh, he wishes he could make tea, he's a terrible host.]

I'm beginning to understand that this place... it doesn't follow any of the rules that we could think of. [because for Kaoru, it's Hikaru first. Always. Anything for his twin] There is no rhyme or reason to anything here.

[hellpyre]

[Rin follows as she's led, but before she sits down she at least has the thought to put her shirt back on. Her hands are shaking as she pulls the clothing over her head, and tears she didn't even realize had started slip down her cheeks.]

She's always been there... e-even when she wasn't at home I knew she was somewhere...

I don't even know how many days it's been since... s-since I found her... I just shut down...

When Dad died, I cried so hard... b-but findin' Yuki... i-it was like I hurt so bad I just stopped feelin'...

[individuates]

Oh, Rin-chan... [he murmurs it softly, and starts dabbing at her tears all over again, this time with a handkerchief he had prepared "just in case". He knows that the reason he doesn't venture out on the Skyway isn't just his lack of self defence skills. He's afraid of what he might find there. Because as long as he doesn't look, he has hope.]

[hellpyre]

[But she had been stubborn about it, swearing up and down that if anyone was still alive out there, it would be her sister.

But now her hope was gone, and with it any hope of finding anyone else. It was only her and Bon now, and as much as she cared for Bon (even if she was still having difficulty admitting any sort of romantic feelings) it was still a horridly depressing notion.]

I don't think... I'm okay. I wanna be okay but I don't think I am and I should be stronger than this but it just hurts... I was supposed to protect people. I was supposed to become an exorcist so I'd be strong enough that no one else would have to die but everyone died...

[individuates]

Rin-chan, what's happened... what happened was bigger than you. Bigger than all of us and all our worlds put together. [he closes his eyes, swallows, and tries to remain composed. He will not believe Hikaru is gone until he sees it with his own eyes. But...] It wasn't within our power to protect them, no matter how much we wanted to.

Rin-chan you haven't failed anyone.

[hellpyre]

Th... then why does it feel like I did... ?

[A sob hitches in her throat before bursting forth, sounding absolutely wretched coming from such agonizing heart ache.]

Why was I saved... ?!

[individuates]

Because you're still here. [his arms wrap around her now, as if he can keep her from shattering apart just by holding tight]

Rin-chan... she wouldn't want you to feel bad for being alive.

[hellpyre]

[There was nothing verbal this time, just another sob as the poor sobbing half demon clung to him. She hadn't even expected him to hug her, but as soon as he did it was all she could to to keep from crushing him an a return embrace if only because he was suddenly a life preserver keeping her from drowning in her sorrows.

She wanted to believe that. She really did. But for a moment she was back in that prison Mephisto had tossed her in to, sobbing to the blank white sky above and asking no one why Father Fujimoto ever bothered to spare her life...]

[individuates]

[he braces the back of her head with one hand, fingertips massaging gently through the mess of her hair.]

Rin-chan... [his voice is a little bit choked and he tried to clear it] Rin-chan, your twin loves you. She wouldn't want you to blame yourself.

[hellpyre]

[Somewhere inside she did know that, and believed it even. As much as she knew she annoyed Yuki sometimes, as much as Rin could be difficult and they often didn't see eye to eye on things, she knew the other Okumura would have ditched her long ago if there wasn't love there to keep her around.

She had promised Shiro that she would look after Rin, protect her from the Vatican and anyone or anything else...

And in some ways, she had fulfilled that promise.

Rin just didn't see why it had to be at the cost of her own life.

She couldn't find a way to properly vocalize any of this, and she could only keep on crying until her head hurt and her eyes burned and her chest ached to the point where she just couldn't cry any more.

Soon enough she quieted, her grip loosened, and she was able to find something of her voice once again.]

'msorry...

[individuates]

[he keeps on stroking her hair until she's quieted, ready with a gentle smile and a dry sleeve if she needs it]

It's all right, Rin-chan, don't apologise.

[hellpyre]

[More sniffles leave her, her own hands trying to work at the dampness on her face.]

I didn't wanna break down like that, though... ugh, my head hurts now...

[individuates]

[sighs softly] Rin-chan, it`s your twin. It`s only natural. Actually it would be weird if you didn`t.

[hellpyre]

... it would?

[She's only ever dealt with the loss of her father, and no one else close to her has ever died before. Even Shiro's death... the reason she cried so hard was because of the events leading up to it, and the regret that she'd never get to tell him how sorry she was for how she behaved.]

I... I guess I never really thought... what it would be like if Yuki wasn't here. A-and I figured I would probably outlive her anyway... j... just not like this.

[individuates]

[dabbing gently with his sleeve]

Really.

I know... I know these things aren`t meant to happen until much later. Not that I think it would be any easier. But at least we`d have had time to be able to adjust to the idea. My point is... it was sudden. It`s only natural.

[hellpyre]

Mn... I guess that's true...

Thank you. I can't say I'm gonna be okay but... I'm not gonna hide away anymore.