Day 256 [Open]

[daughterofursa]

Who: Zuko and anyone
Open: Open!
When: Day 256, evening
Where: By the lake
What: A failure to meditate
Format: I'll match
Warnings: Honor

Zuko knows she's always been hard on herself, but she's never really considered it to be too hard. But some of the things people have been saying about her... Well, people in the Bastion have always expressed a more positive view of her than she thinks she deserves, and she always figured it was because they don't know what she's come from, but she's finally starting to wonder. Maybe the flawed perspective is her own.

Which is why she is attempting something else which, like positive thinking, she is not very good at: meditating. Whoever really wants to can find her by the lake, sitting cross-legged with her eyes closed and... definitely scowling more than she ought to be.

Comments

[daughterofursa]

[She's tempted to blame it on him anyway, but she just lets out a frustrated breath.]

No, it's not you.

[freedom_engineer]

I, personally, can't meditate to save my life. But several my family can, and I've talked to them. At length, in Pearl's case...

Anything in particular holding you back? Or can you tell?

[daughterofursa]

I've never been that great at it.

[freedom_engineer]

So what are you great at?

[Colin looks at her curiously]

Meditation is, traditionally, a relaxation technique.

Not everyone works the same way. Different things work for different people.

[daughterofursa]

It's not about relaxing. It's about clearing my mind and figuring something out.

[Which is obviously not working.]

I don't know how else to do it. Uncle isn't here. Azula isn't even here to tease me about it. [Cue Azula impersonation.] "What's the matter, Zuko? You already know you'll never be as perfect as I am."

[freedom_engineer]

If you can't relax, you won't be able to clear your mind.

[Colin gives her a smile then.]

Besides, would you really want to be perfect? I mean... you'd turn into me. I can't imagine ANYONE here wants that.

[He tosses more bread to the turtle ducks, then walks a little closer to Zuko.]

What're you trying to figure out?

[daughterofursa]

[Zuko snorts.]

You're not perfect. Neither was Azula.

And I don't want to be perfect. I just... don't want to be the opposite either.

[freedom_engineer]

I'm about as far from perfect as you can get. It was a joke, Zuko.

[There's a roll of his eyes. Maybe when he perfects mind-writing, he can work on a sense of humor addon...]

I get what you're saying, but if you linger on it too long, you're gonna lose sight of what's important. There's a whole world out here that matters. Worry too much about what could be, and you'll miss what is.

Is that what's bugging you?

[daughterofursa]

[No, she seriously thought Colin was arrogant enough to call himself perfect.]

I have been focusing on everything else. I know it's more important than me. But everyone takes breaks. I don't just mean to rest, they have fun.

Even you, I think you enjoy being annoying.

[freedom_engineer]

Well, hell. THAT'S your problem. Low self-esteem.

[He fixes his gaze on her, and he holds out the bread in offering. Feed the duckies, Zuko.]

Even I can tell that you don't think highly of yourself.

Why? Heck if I know. Not my place to pry. But you're going to keep finding things hard if you can't look at yourself and say "You know what? I'm an okay person."

[daughterofursa]

[Zuko glares at him a little and snatches the bread from him, but she's gentle enough in tossing crumbs out for the turtle ducks. She learned her lesson about throwing bread at them a long time ago.]

...I know that.

But I don't know how to do it.

[freedom_engineer]

Fortunately, I do. At least the basics of it. Enough that I can tell you and, if you want to hit me, it won't be for what I say here.

Mind if I sit?

[He gestures next to her.]

[daughterofursa]

[Zuko eyes him skeptically because whatever he's going to say, she's sure it can't be that simple. But she nods.]

Go ahead.

[freedom_engineer]

[Colin sits down beside her and looks out at the lake.]

It's not easy to build off of, but to start? It's as easy as getting up in the morning.

Tell me one thing you like about yourself. Just one thing.

[He suspects she won't make it that easy. He's got time.]

[daughterofursa]

[She can come up with one thing! ... It's just gonna take her a few minutes.]

...I'm strong.

[freedom_engineer]

You are indeed.

[He smile a little wider.]

When you wake up in the morning? When you start feeling down? Just look inward, and tell yourself that. Reinforce who you are, what you like about yourself.

"I'm strong."

It works for other things, too.

For example..

"The turtle-ducks like me."

[He gestures out to the small bunch of shelled waterfowl.]

[daughterofursa]

They only like me because I feed them.

[Have some more bread, guys.]

[freedom_engineer]

That helps.

But animals aren't dumb. Food buys attention.

Fond memories buy attention and not running off to hide with the food.

[daughterofursa]

Well, I don't throw things at them like my sister.

[freedom_engineer]

You feed them, you keep them company, you don't abuse them. Sounds like several good reasons to me.

The natural world doesn't have much in the terms of complex relations. Animals have been domesticated with less.

[daughterofursa]

They are a lot easier to deal with than people.

[freedom_engineer]

I would fault people for that, more than animals.

Of course, this begs the real question... do you really think you're so unlikeable that adorable animals can't even like you without being bribed?

[daughterofursa]

[Colin, no. Why would you ask her this question. Why?]

......

That's a stupid question.

[freedom_engineer]

And yet, I'm asking the question.

[His tone is soft, and he keeps looking right out over the lake.]

And I think we both know the answer now...

[daughterofursa]

That still doesn't explain the people.

[She can't cook so they definitely don't like her because of food.]