Day 256 [Open]

[daughterofursa]

Who: Zuko and anyone
Open: Open!
When: Day 256, evening
Where: By the lake
What: A failure to meditate
Format: I'll match
Warnings: Honor

Zuko knows she's always been hard on herself, but she's never really considered it to be too hard. But some of the things people have been saying about her... Well, people in the Bastion have always expressed a more positive view of her than she thinks she deserves, and she always figured it was because they don't know what she's come from, but she's finally starting to wonder. Maybe the flawed perspective is her own.

Which is why she is attempting something else which, like positive thinking, she is not very good at: meditating. Whoever really wants to can find her by the lake, sitting cross-legged with her eyes closed and... definitely scowling more than she ought to be.

Comments

[daughterofursa]

[No, she seriously thought Colin was arrogant enough to call himself perfect.]

I have been focusing on everything else. I know it's more important than me. But everyone takes breaks. I don't just mean to rest, they have fun.

Even you, I think you enjoy being annoying.

[freedom_engineer]

Well, hell. THAT'S your problem. Low self-esteem.

[He fixes his gaze on her, and he holds out the bread in offering. Feed the duckies, Zuko.]

Even I can tell that you don't think highly of yourself.

Why? Heck if I know. Not my place to pry. But you're going to keep finding things hard if you can't look at yourself and say "You know what? I'm an okay person."

[daughterofursa]

[Zuko glares at him a little and snatches the bread from him, but she's gentle enough in tossing crumbs out for the turtle ducks. She learned her lesson about throwing bread at them a long time ago.]

...I know that.

But I don't know how to do it.

[freedom_engineer]

Fortunately, I do. At least the basics of it. Enough that I can tell you and, if you want to hit me, it won't be for what I say here.

Mind if I sit?

[He gestures next to her.]

[daughterofursa]

[Zuko eyes him skeptically because whatever he's going to say, she's sure it can't be that simple. But she nods.]

Go ahead.

[freedom_engineer]

[Colin sits down beside her and looks out at the lake.]

It's not easy to build off of, but to start? It's as easy as getting up in the morning.

Tell me one thing you like about yourself. Just one thing.

[He suspects she won't make it that easy. He's got time.]

[daughterofursa]

[She can come up with one thing! ... It's just gonna take her a few minutes.]

...I'm strong.

[freedom_engineer]

You are indeed.

[He smile a little wider.]

When you wake up in the morning? When you start feeling down? Just look inward, and tell yourself that. Reinforce who you are, what you like about yourself.

"I'm strong."

It works for other things, too.

For example..

"The turtle-ducks like me."

[He gestures out to the small bunch of shelled waterfowl.]

[daughterofursa]

They only like me because I feed them.

[Have some more bread, guys.]

[freedom_engineer]

That helps.

But animals aren't dumb. Food buys attention.

Fond memories buy attention and not running off to hide with the food.

[daughterofursa]

Well, I don't throw things at them like my sister.

[freedom_engineer]

You feed them, you keep them company, you don't abuse them. Sounds like several good reasons to me.

The natural world doesn't have much in the terms of complex relations. Animals have been domesticated with less.

[daughterofursa]

They are a lot easier to deal with than people.

[freedom_engineer]

I would fault people for that, more than animals.

Of course, this begs the real question... do you really think you're so unlikeable that adorable animals can't even like you without being bribed?

[daughterofursa]

[Colin, no. Why would you ask her this question. Why?]

......

That's a stupid question.

[freedom_engineer]

And yet, I'm asking the question.

[His tone is soft, and he keeps looking right out over the lake.]

And I think we both know the answer now...

[daughterofursa]

That still doesn't explain the people.

[She can't cook so they definitely don't like her because of food.]

[freedom_engineer]

I think it explains a discrepancy.

Just because you think you're unlikeable doesn't mean other people can't like you.

...

Start by telling yourself you're strong. Make it a mantra if you have to. From there, try to find other things you like about yourself.

Other people can see lots. I can see lots.

Paarthurnax can probably ease your heart better than I can, though.

[daughterofursa]

[She wants to ask, what if she can't think of any other things? But she knows that's just being stubborn and pessimistic.

... She'll be able to think of other things, right?

Her expression turns thoughtful at the mention of Paarthurnax.]

...do you think he thinks well of himself?

[freedom_engineer]

I think he's had many years to examine his life, and everything he's done with it. I think he knows that some people hate him, and some people admire him.

And I suspect that he knows how to live with any darkness he may have taken on in his life.

[Nope, he can't actually say. Immortality has a bad way of messing with the head if you can't manage all the memories somehow...]

[daughterofursa]

That doesn't really answer the question.

[freedom_engineer]

Unfortunately, that's the best answer I can give. The only person I know who's lived anywhere near Paar's length is my dad, and... the centuries have not been kind to him.

[Colin shakes his head.]

Paarthurnax seems a little more at peace with things than he is, but you don't live for thousands of years without building up a lot of regrets, "I should have"s, and things you wish you'd done differently.

The only person who can tell you how Paar views himself is Paar himself. Anything I tried to say would be a guess with no basis in reality.

[daughterofursa]

[She can't really argue with that.]

...

I'm glad I'm not going to live for thousands of years.

[Things she didn't know she was grateful for.]

[freedom_engineer]

Yeah. Shorter life spans do have their advantages.

[Colin offers a reassuring smile.]

But Paar's a good sort. He's probably more than happy to answer any questions you may have.

[daughterofursa]

Yeah. He might understand where I'm coming from.

[Zuko looks out across Dragonfield, but a quack draws her attention back to the turtle ducks. The bread stopped, why?]

Oh, sorry. [More crumbs are coming.]