thebastion | Day 165 - Out On The Town

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Day 165 - Out On The Town

Who: Seimei, Taisan, You.
What: The Hitachiin-Abe Estate is too cold and lonely anymore and Seimei just wants to get away.
When: From "morning" until the "night".
Where: Everywhere!
Format: Prose.
Warnings: Open to all possibilities, but nothing so far?

Ever since Kaoru left the estate Seimei hadn't slept right. He had a lot of work on his hands - only because he'd given himself tasks to keep his hands and mind busy - and driven himself to exhaustion every night, but it didn't help. He hardly ate, he hardly slept, his frustration was spilling over into everything else and he'd begun to resent the home he built with others in mind. His shikigami's sour mood had hardly helped.

Between Taisan's temper and disobedience, his own disappointment in himself and the low moods of everyone in the Bastion what with the death of Night, it was virtually impossible for the onmyoji to recover his confidence, so he'd chosen to leave the house behind. Packing up all of the futons and closing all of the doors, the East wing was sealed off, everything left to Alucard.

A letter was left behind explaining the situation, that Seimei would probably leave for the Skyway later in the day but that he wanted to speak with the other resident of the estate before he did. He had something important to discuss of immediate relevance to Alucard and it would be best not to wait on the matter.

Seimei arrived at the entrance to her apartment, knocking lightly on the door. He came bearing gifts from his gardens as well as other places in the Bastion, a basket with the various fruits from his trees, smoked fish from the river, those beans from the vines everyone was so fond of and herbal tea that he'd mixed himself. He was nervous and uncomfortable, wearing his shoes inside of the building, but as with all things, he was trying to adjust to what other people found more normal. He didn't allow shoes in his own house, but it wasn't the same for everyone else. Anyways, visiting the half-demon was more important at that moment.

Seimei was available throughout the day, waffling over his decision to wander the Skyway and clear his head while other people are gone or staying there in the Bastion one more night. He could be found just about anywhere, visiting all the major areas and landmarks, obviously distracted and seeking answers to unasked questions. He doesn't seem terribly standoffish, so feel free to chat with him.

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Grateful for the touch to his fluttering hands, the onmyoji lowered his head a fraction, nodding his acquiescence, though still feeling more like the problem than anything else. He didn't fully understand the complexities of family and feared resentment, little though he was able to voice those concerns. How puzzling a thing that one could offer all manner of advice to others, but never advise oneself.

"You should not be required to be here for me, Kaoru. I should be supporting you in this time of change and adjustment, but I felt that my presence was only complicating things," he replied, looking to the side before sliding a hand free and reaching around Kaoru's shoulders to rest his arm around him, palm smoothing gently over red strands of hair. He was not nearly so afraid of casual touches as he once had been, though it was still rare, particularly when they might be seen by others.

"I am...happy, that you want what we have, still. However, I understand if it is too complicated to maintain both lives. Until you are able to have both without extraordinary conflict, I wanted to give you the space you needed. I simply did not account for how I might feel about it. My feelings had never mattered before and suddenly I find myself conflicted by everything. Even so, I truly want you to be happy and comfortable with your brother, so whatever it takes, Kaoru, I will do. Meanwhile, however, I want you to have space and time, but I am not at all comfortable alone in the house anymore. I would rather travel for a time, clear my mind. It will be a good opportunity to exercise my abilities and adjust to a new shikigami."

"It's not just a time of change and adjustment for me." He murmured, mimicking Seimei's movement and curling a lock of hair around his fingers, "I imagine it's a lot for you as well. But the whole point of Us is that we're here for each other. I support you, you support me. I love you and... and I know I haven't been here, but I want to be here. I want to figure this out so we can just... be balanced again

"Us also means that I won't get in the way of what you need. You know I won't." He breathed a soft sigh and pulled Seimei into his arms. He needed to hold him, feel him, if only for a moment. "I just want you to be safe. Promise me you'll be safe."

It was his next worry - after all that had happened recently. And it didn't exactly put Kaoru at ease, to hear that Seimei was taking out another shikigami. It wasn't that he didn't think Seimei could take care of himself. But the Skyway was always unpredictable. The fewer unknown factors there were, the better.

"...I feel like the whole Taisan thing is my fault. I said some horrible things to him."

He smiled faintly at the embrace, comforted and relaxing visibly as he tilted his head to rest against Kaoru's gently. He considered the circumstances, pondered retracting his decision to leave and ultimately decided it was for the better. He needed to go out; the empty home was stifling and Taisan's own mood had soured any attempts at tranquility in the home.

"I do not consider you fully to blame for the situation with Taisan, but I will not lie and say you played no part. It has, perhaps, been a long time in coming. He practically raised me, after a fashion. I was alone most of my youth but he was always there. I have commanded him longer than any other spirit in my company and he has spent more time in the realm of man than any of my other shikigami. I have only myself to blame in his gradual corruption. He has forgotten that he is a God and he desires to be human. When you said what you did..." the onmyoji sighed, shaking his head.

"Taisan is an eternal being, a universal constant, ageless and yet young. You perhaps did the equivalent of telling a child that he can never be anything more than what he already is. He has ever questioned himself and his inability to be as detached as other shikigami because of his involvement with man. He struggles to emulate us and perhaps he thought he was doing well. Your words shattered that delicate illusion and he had nothing left to embrace but his own bitter disappointment. It has made for extraordinarily unpleasant company. Moreover he grows ever more difficult to command, and I losing control of a shikigami is ugly and dangerous. Because of this, I have no choice but to permanently dismiss him from my service..." Seimei explained, tone neutral as he did. Even so, what he meant to do was similar to severing the last tie he had to anything resembling family. Where Kaoru was getting a piece back, Seimei was giving up the last piece he had.

"There is nothing I can do for him...my words are wind and no measure of reassurance I can give matters to him in the least. He is too wrapped up in himself and his resentment."

"...is there anything I can say?" he asked softly, running his hands through Seimei's hair. "I know it's too late for an apology, and there's no changing or taking back what I said - I'm not even sure an apology can do any help but..."

But the idea of Seimei dismissing Taisan permanently seemed rather... well, permanent.

"It wasn't fair of me to say what I said, I know that. Even in the heat of the moment, there was no excuse for me to talk to him like that, to treat him like that. To be honest, I would understand completely if he doesn't even want to hear an apology from me."

"You said what you said, and that is all. We cannot change the past, however often one wishes to do so," he sighed, reaching up and rubbing the bridge of his nose wearily.

"You can speak to him if you wish, he is ever there, even when dismissed. He is wind and whispers and the heat of a flame; everything that you know to be and yet can neither see nor touch. I suppose I can understand his desire to be human, knowing what it means to feel another person. say whatever you will whenever you like, Kaoru. I cannot tell you if he will believe you. Forever though he may be, with more years and experience than I can fathom, but he is still a petulant child in the end, as capricious as any spirit."

"Are we not all petulant children in the end?" Kaoru hummed softly, leaning his head on Seimei's shoulder and pouting slightly in thought.

"...I mean it, you know?" It was kind of weird, talking to the walls, addressing an otherwise empty room, "I was upset, and I was scared, and I was angry, but that's not an excuse. That's not the kind of thing humans should say to each other, and I'm ashamed and I'm sorry that I said it." He moistened his lips and tried to keep going, "You have every right to be angry with me for that. But don't take it out on anyone else..."

Seimei dark eyes drifted across the open space, over his shoulder and out towards the lawn but there was no indication that he could see, one way or the other, that Taisan was listening. He knew the shikigami could hear everything, but whether or not he was of a mood to acknowledge anything was beyond the onmyoji's knowledge. He simply let Kaoru speak, stroking his hair gently and wondering at things idly.

"I will think of something," he reassured the redhead, sighing softly. "Our relationship has always been a complicated one. There were always lines blurred that should not have been under normal circumstances, but were it not for Taisan I wouldn't likely be here today, alive. I owe him enough to make some concessions, but I cannot expect obedience from him any longer. I will try to come to a compromise everyone can tolerate. For now...focus on your brother. You can do no more for the hurt caused by words than apologize, which you have done."

Kaoru nodded, albeit reluctantly, in understanding. "I'm still sorry. Even the moment I said it, I knew it was unfair and that I shouldn't have..." He had learned, perhaps a little later than most, that there were some lines one didn't cross. This was one of those lines.

He sighed quietly a settled a little closer, fiddling lightly with the hem of Seimei's sleeve.

"...I don't want things to stay like they are. If I can fix them, I should. I was the one who put my foot in my mouth."

Edited 2014-04-07 10:26 (UTC)

"I do not wish to crush your attempt, noble though it is, Kaoru, but you should prepare for the possibility that you will neither be believed nor forgiven. Some things that are broken cannot be fixed," the onmyoji murmured softly, reaching over and catching the redhead's hand gently.

"People are not vases to be put back together if they shatter, and sometimes things that are not necessarily human are more fragile for it. It is why we must be ever vigilant with our tongues. Words are far more powerful weapons than many people credit them for. However, I am quite certain your apology, if genuine and heartfelt, is sure to reach my errant shikigami. He ought to be grateful; it is your concern and his attachment to Lord Alucard that maintain his presence here or for his trouble I might have banished him already. Hm. At any rate, we ought to put our minds to more pressing matters. A funeral, a family reunion, a farewell. I'm leaving tonight, or first thing in the morning, depending. It seemed inconsiderate to leave before the funerary rights."

He nodded again against Seimei's shoulder, linking their fingers together.

"...it's just hard to be content with trying and not succeeding. With not reaching him." As a child, he had been content with breaking relationships and letting them remain broken - with Hikaru always by his side it didn't really matter anyway, either way, so long as they had each other. But now - and even before he had entered the Bastion, once they had joined the host club and started to make relationships that really mattered - it was important for him to keep them in one piece.

Another sigh and a soft hum, nuzzling Seimei's cheek briefly.

"Yes, about that. I asked you for a promise and you still haven't given me one..."

"I promise. I promise," he replied softly, nodding and rubbing cheek to cheek at the same time, eyes drifting closed at the touches. His arms were around Kaoru before he realized he was doing it, face buried in red hair as he held the boy to his chest and sighed deeply. He wanted to go, he wanted to stay, he wanted to make excuses but held his tongue.

Holding Kaoru was more important in that moment and he let himself do it on that whim, following his heart instead of his sense of propriety.

"I love you...I will always come find you again, Kaoru. No matter what happens, I will forever return to you, if it is your wish. I am yours until you see fit to take me out of your heart and dismiss me. Your Seimei, remember?"

"I missed you." Half-murmured as Kaoru pressed closer, tucked against his shoulder and wanting to surround himself with Seimei if he could. "I miss being here with you, I miss falling asleep to you and waking up to you... I'm sorry I haven't been here, but... we'll work on making this house a home again when you get back, all right? I promise."

He pulled back just a little, hand cupping Seimei's cheek and thumb resting on his lower lip.

"I love you."

Kaoru could feel Seimei's smile as much as see it, the onmyoji's dark eyes alight with rare happiness as he reached up and threaded his fingers through the boy's hair, pulling their foreheads together.

"Do not imagine for a moment that I do not desperately wish for a return to more halcyon days. I know my sedentary life is not to your taste entirely, but I had hoped we were finding a rhythm between us. Mm, perhaps, soon..." he sighed, tilting his head enough to briefly touch their lips together, stealing a kiss in that moment as though afraid of being caught.

"It is a big house, Kaoru, but if we need to make it bigger, we can. Whatever makes you happy, whatever gives you the best of both worlds, I will see it through, you have only to say the words."

"Mmm, it's a big house and it smells of paint." Kaoru chuckled softly, stealing a kiss in return. "...I have the shards. We can build another wing. One we can lock him into, if necessary. Or perhaps we're the ones who ought to get the locks. I haven't quite thought it through."

It would be a discussion for another time, certainly. He sighed, draping his arms around Seimei's shoulders.

"...why does it smell of paint, my Seimei?"

He had the sense to look embarrassed by the question, turning his face away as his cheeks suffused with color. Clearing his throat softly the onmyoji glanced back, lips twitching before he managed to arrange a sentence without tripping.

"I grew restless and bored," he murmured at last, looking a fair bit like a child caught misbehaving. "I simply painted something on my doors as I had once invited you to do in the rest of the house. they were plain and needed a bit...of something. It is nothing, truly."

With no idea what it was Seimei had to feel uncomfortable about, Kaoru could only laugh, leaning up to kiss one reddened cheek, then the other. It was Seimei's door to paint, after all.

"I see, I see. A bit of 'something'. Is it a secret?"

"Ah, well...N-no. I suppose it is not," he murmured, clearing his throat again and sliding his gaze to the door uncomfortably. Sighing, he raised a hand, gesturing vaguely.

"A fit of upset inspired an answer. I missed you enough, it seems. You are welcome to look. You would see it eventually one way or another."

He tilted his head to the side for a moment before getting up a little reluctantly and padding over to Seimei's adjoining doors and sliding one open to look through.

...okay. Hikaru would probably dismiss it as soppy romantic nonsense ~~and perhaps borderline stalkerish~~, but Kaoru was an absolute sucker for that kind of stuff.

Pushing the door closed calmly, he was careful to keep his reaction in check before he returned to Seimei, waiting until he was settled in his lover's lap before asking,

"...may I kiss you now?"

He had worried about such things, concerned that it was too much, too strange, too anything negative to a modern youth where in Seimei's own era it would have been the height of flattery. Fortunately for him, he and Kaoru were not such a poor match in the end, and relief flooded his features as he nodded, arms around the redhead as they sat in their shared space.

"You never really need to ask, Kaoru. As Your Seimei, I imagine I am subject to your every whim and fancy," he remarked, smiling fondly.

Arms draped around his neck, Kaoru rested his forehead against Seimei's, leaning in slightly and chuckling a little at the quick recovery.

"Ah, of course. I'm always sure to remember that, though I'm sure I'll never tire of hearing it." He pressed his lips to Seimei's - properly, none of that sneakily-sneakily stuff. "And you know that the same goes for me, right?" A smile, settling back and stroking Seimei's hair at the nape of his neck as it gathered up into his topknot, "I can just as easily be your subject as well as I can be your sovereign, hmm?"

Edited 2014-04-08 12:00 (UTC)

"Kitsune are cruel masters," the onmyoji replied with a faint smirk, arching a brow at the redhead. "Besides that, I rather like the image of a red-haired Emperor on a golden throne with his loyal kitsune adviser. We would have been quite the pair in my day. All the talk, certainly. With my reputation alone tongues would wag, but a redheaded youth with eyes as light as yours who was obviously native to the country would have stirred all kinds of speculation. Between my magic and your skill, there would have been no end to the court gossip. I think it would have made the days much more entertaining," the older man mused, reaching up to trace the curve of Kaoru's cheek and jaw.

"Hiromasa would have pestered you constantly, though. You are infinitely more social than I am. I would have found myself at all manner of dinners and celebratory events I would otherwise have avoided. Your company makes suffering through socializing much more tolerable. Ah...hm. Perhaps that is part of the problem as well," he remarked, pausing in his reflections.

"I have opened my home to others in attempt to be more social, but without your presence as a soothing balm, I have withdrawn again. I simply do not wish to involve myself...Would that I understood the root of this behavior."

"Alas that I'm too far removed from the line for it to be even the remotest of possibilities." He lamented, leaning toward Seimei's touches. Not that his own ambitions had ever been in that vein. Their Tono had been quite enough to deal with. "In any case, it would be rather dull, no? Holding court all the time? I would much rather be with you."

His fingers played at Semiei's collar, smoothing out imaginary irregularities in the fabrics there.

"…what was he like? Your Hiromasa?"

"Hiromasa?" he asked, sighing softly and smiling fondly. "He was a good man. A rare sort, really. He was also one of the only humans I ever truly considered a friend. True humans, at any rate," he amended, thinking of his immortal female companion, the princess and her estranged brother, among others not quite human by definition.

"He met me at the palace during court. I was called to challenge by some of my peers and performed what, to me, was a very small bit of magic. I terrified the court as usual but Hiromasa - frightened as he invariably was - treated it as respect and bore no animosity for me. Later on when he was called upon for help by a minor lord and could not assess the issue himself, he came seeking me. No one ever did that before. I was only ever called to court or asked to attend the nobles, but no one ever came calling on me. Then he came again and again, always asking for help," he muttered, clucking his tongue in irritation.

"He was always begging for something or on behalf of someone. And for whatever reason I always gave in, even if I didn't particularly care about the matter myself. He was always so impossibly noble, it was a little infuriating at first. I think really I was only annoyed because he highlighted everything that was a negative aspect of myself. He was full of a will to give of himself and ask nothing in return. That simply isn't the way things work, I told myself. He taught me I was wrong, at least in part."

"...he sounds like someone we used to know." A fond smile, resting his forehead against Seimei's temple. "Tono was like that as well - coming to our house over and over again when we didn't want anything to do with anyone, always getting under our feet, trying to help people..." He hesitated, unable to help smiling, "...in his own bumbling, idiotic way I guess he did. And then he'd wind up dragging us all into it with him."

Not that he didn't miss it, in a way. He settled a touch closer, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"Well. I suppose it's a good thing we learned better, isn't it?"

"It certainly is. If Hiromasa had not helped me to see beyond my own arrogance I might never have bothered getting to know anyone here, let alone finding you, or this. Us," he smiled, turning his head at the kiss and brushing his lips against Kaoru's forehead.

"I still wish you could have met him. I know he would have liked you very much on his own and I believe you would have liked him. He would have had terrible advice on this situation with your brother that would have worked out in the end, as well. He was like that - full of half-baked ideas that somehow panned out perfectly."

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