[Day 156] | [Closed] And oh, come colder weather

[hellpyre]

Who: Twins, and one half of a set (Kaoru, Hikaru + Rin)
Open: Closed
When: Day 156, afternoon
Where:  Hospital
What: Bon helped Rin work through a lot of her feelings about Hikaru's arrival and the continued lack of Yuki in her life, and things are better for it, but there's still something she has to do...
Format: Action
Warnings: You all know the drill by now.

[Apologies - good ones, anyway - were never Rin's strong suit. She usually had to be muscled in to being sincere by Father Fujimoto because in her mind she hadn't done anything wrong  whenever she got in trouble like that. She was just giving people what they deserved for being assholes, after all. But it was moments when she actually fucked up in a way that hurt people she didn't want to hurt that she found herself at a loss for what to do. Should she apologize? Would it even be accepted if she did? Would she come off sounding insincere? What if the person she hurt didn't want to see her?

These were all the things going through her head as she stared at the closed hospital room door, holding a bag in her hands in front of her, slightly more cleaned up and dressed up than she normally would have been on a typical day. She stared at the door handle, as if willing it to move on its own so she didn't have to make that step forward to grab it herself. If something could have just conveniently shoved her in the room to get things started...

But that wasn't going to happen, and she knew it. Taking a breath in, she went for the door and knocked on it gently.]

Comments

[hellpyre]

Nah. Trust me. I'm pretty dumb. I'm actually a drop out. The only reason I wound up at True Cross was 'cause my guardian forced me to go.

[Well that and she sort of screamed in Lady Pheles' face that she'd better damn well make her an exorcist...

But that's really neither here nor there in this conversation.]

I was always gettin' compared to her. "Yuki-chan is so smart, Yuki-chan is so athletic, Yuki-chan never gets in trouble or punches guys in the face for being jerks..."

[individuates]

...and what I can't do, Hikaru can. [nods, settling into Hikaru's hold comfortably] You may not be very academic, sure, but not everyone is. And you're good at other stuff. [because if you say you're in idiot and dismiss your other talents... Yeah, that's a little like saying you have no use at all. And Rin-chan is good at plenty of things. Like fighting. And food. And pastries.

Speaking of pastries,If they don't hold back a little they will soon be annihilated. But if you leave them much longer, Tama-chan will assume they are fair game...]

[individuating]

You were smart enough to get us away from that thing on the Skyway. It takes a pretty quick thinker to do what you did. [That heart-stopping, extremely well-timed duck, for example. If she hadn't been smart enough to plan that out, they'd be dead.

It sounds like a pretty standard sibling complex, though.]

[hellpyre]

... I'm a--... what'd Colin call me? ... a heavy hitter. I'm basically a tank. That's not really some one who needs to think all that much. Really I just... do what needs to be done, that's all.

[Once upon a time she would have been more apt to boast about such things, about how awesome she was, but her time in the Bastion had tempered her ego in to something a lot more frail.

Too many mistakes, too many wrong moves...]

[individuates]

Ah that's right... [tilting his head towards Hikaru]. When she says she's a hard hitter, she means a hard hitter.

But you handled Hikaru pretty well - coming off the skyway I mean, not saying that he constantly needs handling. But that doesn't sound like idiocy to me... I can't say I would have managed the same.

[individuating]

Hard-hitter or not, if you were an idiot we would be dead. [He doesn't like to think about that whole fiasco and it shows in the way he tenses against Kaoru, but dammit Rin, you're wrong and need to be told so.] Not just anyone could have gotten us through that, and it wasn't dumb luck either. If that's what you're like when you're not thinking, then that must mean the rest of us are really bad.

[hellpyre]

I--...

[She was so used to being told that she wasn't thinking, that she was reckless and dangerous the hearing it said with so much certainty left her speechless. She really didn't know what to say to either of them after that.]

[individuates]

Seriously, it doesn't do you any good to compare yourself to others and put yourself down because you're not what they are. [rubbing Hikaru's hand. This little bit of wisdom is not his own - it's something he picked up during his time here. But it doesn't hurt to share.]

Not even if it's your twin you're comparing yourself to - and other people have no business comparing you to her, either.

[individuating]

Besides, even twins will eventually come to have different strengths and interests. [To paraphrase what Kaoru had said to him while he was learning to drive carriages.] You can't measure two separate people against each-other; of course one of them is going to be better at some things than the other. That's just the way it works.

[He's said his piece. There'd better be more pastry in his near future for stopping being a brat long enough to help lecture one of Kaoru's friends.]

[hellpyre]

[Speaking of those, would be a good time for Tama-chan to steal Rin's pastry, because she's all but forgotten about it at this point.]

It's... not like they didn't care about me... the people that said those things...

[Meaning the priests. Everyone else that said those things were often saying them just to be cruel, because that's how gossiping mothers and young girls were. But Rin didn't count their opinions as matter.]

... Dad never really said it, though. Even when he got frustrated with how badly I was doin'.

[individuates]

[good Hikaru. More pastry for you. Rin's pastry, to be exact - even though they have their own, Kaoru leans over and steals it like he owns it.

…oh, you wanted it, Tama-chan? Sorry and all that…]

Because he got it, ne? My point is, nobody has a right to say that to you, though. Whether they mean well or not.

[there, Rin. Have you been told?]

[individuating]

[Yes, pastry. Thank you Kaoru! It always tastes better when it was supposed to be someone else's. He'll eat that quite happily, watching Rin expectantly. She'd better understand what they've just said, or he's going to get annoyed.]

[hellpyre]

[She understood it, but that didn't mean it was going to magically erase fifteen years of being told the same things over and over again. It wasn't going to take back the things she'd done to make people say those things, either.

A part of her wanted to believe that, but the rest of her would probably always think of herself in that way.

She looked up, forcing a strained smile at the two of them.]

Yeah. You're right.

[individuates]

[pouts slightly, puffing out his cheeks] Hey, hey. Why do I get the feeling you're just agreeing so you can get us off your case…?

[individuating]

[Hikaru's physical reaction the exact same as Kaoru's, in sync right down to the last muscle.]

You just want us to shut up, don't you?

[That's the last time he ever tries to help.]

[hellpyre]

N-no that's not it at all!

[Rin flailed her hands in front of her, looking fairly apologetic even if it was sort of a lie.

She couldn't explain it to them, though. What it was like to be feared when you're seven years old, to have those whispers behind your back about what a monster you must be, to cause that kind of pain. She coudln't explain how it felt to find out that everything they said was true, all because of a secret hidden for fifteen years.]

I get what you're tryin' to say and I appreciate that you're tryin' to make me feel better, but... it's complicated for me. It always has been. Don't mean I love my sister any less. And it's not like I'm gonna throw myself off the Skyway because I think I'm useless or anythin'.

[individuates]

[…and yet she is still not sorry.

Tilts his head towards his brother's slightly - as if aiming for confidentiality, but not actually managing it] …ne, Hikaru, did we say she was going to throw herself off the Skyway...?

[individuating]

[He gives a sidelong glance to his brother, leaning over his shoulder a little more to add to the feigned sense of privacy.] Sounds like a projected inner thought, ne, Kaoru? Not much we can do about one of those.

[Unless you want to attach a bungee cord to her permanently, which he is totally down for.]

[hellpyre]

[Any sense of that faked smile is gone now, and her tail even begins to lash behind her in irritation.]

... if this is how twins normally are, I think I'm okay with how Yuki and I acted.

[individuates]

Oh, you heard that? We're just concerned for your well-being, aren't we Hikaru?

[individuating]

[Sorry, Kaoru, his eyes are currently following the swishing tip of the tail he can see behind Rin. He's following it back and forth as well as he can - it's kind of fascinating him. Distracted as he is, his response takes half a second longer than it should have. He'll make it up to you later.]

Of course, Kaoru. We don't want a good person like Rin-chan taking any unnecessary risks.

[But they should probably stop pushing now, especially if she is Kaoru's friend. Hikaru himself doesn't particularly care, but he knows they're close to a line and that Kaoru won't be happy if they cross it. With that in mind, he drags his eyes away from the tail to look Rin in the eye.]

...how do you and your sister act, then?

[hellpyre]

[There was a grumble of "that's all I ever do anyway" under her breath, but she wasn't going to speak it any louder than that. She didn't need to get in to another argument like she did with Zulf over her tenancies to act as a living shield to everyone she cared about.

Huffing through her nose, she goes for her pastry, only to find it missing.

... oh. Well. She did bring the food for them.]

... Yuki and I?

["I haven't gotten to talk to you properly since the old man died! If you knew all along, then what did you feel?! What did you think of me?!"

"About you... ? Is that not obvious? You're a demon, nee-san... I consider you a danger to us all."]

Ah... Yuki... is a lot more serious than I am. We bicker a lot... but I know she does it because she worries about me...

[individuates]

[blinking a little bit] …bicker? [he knows some siblings do that, but he kind of thought that for all twins everywhere it was difference. When he and Hikaru have fights, they're staged. Staged pretty well, actually] That's kind of weird. […he couldn't live with himself in a state of madness at Hikaru.]

[There are still uneaten pastries at Hikaru and Kaoru's side of the blankets. Tama-chan has spotted them and flops off Rin's lap, slinking not-so-stealthily over to get them]

[individuating]

[Bicker?] You guys actually do that? [There's no small amount of disbelief in Hikaru's voice. He can't imagine genuinely arguing with Kaoru, no matter how worried either of them are. Even their fake fights leave him feeling terrible.] Why can't she just tell you she's worried instead?

[It kind of makes the sibling complex make more sense. If they're the type of sisters who are arguing constantly, then it would fit that one or both of them would come out feeling inferior. Still, he never expected to see it in twins.

Tama-chan isn't being very discreet, but Kaoru's already given the okay for her to eat whatever she wants, so the only eye Hikaru is keeping on her is to make sure she doesn't try eating their pastry.]

[hellpyre]

[You guys would cringe if you heard some of the arguments the two of them have had. They range from mildly irritating one another to all out screaming matches. Yuki has even punched Rin once, hard across the face for doing something even stupider than her usual stupidity.

Rin lets out a scoff at that.]

That's just the kind of person Yuki is. She's been closed off ever since we were little. You would be, too... if you saw monsters no one else saw, and knew the only way they could get to you is through a weak heart.

[Rin sighed a little, placing her chin on her hand while poking at the crumbs left on her plate with her other hand.]

She used to be such a cry baby... I couldn't see those things back then, not with my powers sealed, but she would come cryin' to me about the monsters she saw. I could only promise to protect her from them, even though I couldn't see what she did.

But she pulled herself outta that. She made herself strong, to fight the monsters in the dark. But she became a different person for it. As much as I hate that we lost what we had... seein' her as an exorcist for the first time, realizin' all the hard work she had to do to get there... I don't mind the fights that much. I can't not be proud of her.

[Did it make the things Yuki said to Rin okay? Well... no. Not really. But Rin didn't hold a grudge over that, knowing deep down that Yuki had to go through a special kind of hell to get where she was.

It didn't make her wish that Yuki would have recognized Rin's power any less, though. That was the one thing she still really wanted, but she was never going to get it. Especially here, where Rin was still convinced that she was never going to see her sister again.]

So I guess what it comes down to is... we had different lives, even though we were twins.