Black★Rock Shooter (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
darkshooter) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
thebastion2015-07-26 07:42 am
darkshooter) wrote in thebastion2015-07-26 07:42 am
Entry tags:
Day 333 ★ 004 ★ [Open]
Who: Ikuri and anyone who wants to encounter her.
Open: [Y]
When: Day 333 [backdated] - Dusk
Where: Several places within the Bastion. Pick your location when you tag in: fresh from nightmare haze, she .
What: Nearly two weeks after the tragedy, Ikuri still gets nightmares.
Format: Action brackets because habits
Warnings:
-Jumpy, sloppy prose of purple, particularly as I'm slammin' this out before work.
-Sol Man is a dork who's terrible at this RP thing.
-Nightmares and body horror.
-Text wall.
Note: The Bastion's calming field will prevent assault and outright aggression, but odds are she's still going to be jumpy and jittery.
(( Preface ))
[She saw them again.]
[The faces of those long gone. People she'd known and loved...or perhaps, more properly to say, known and longed for; while the emotions of hers that reached for them and were touched by them could be somewhere close to love, she'd not the chance to truly know such a thing. But how she'd wanted it - how she craved it, even now! How dearly she wished that they weren't dead, that she could reach for them anew and pretend nothing that took them...]
[...could ever happen...]
(( BGM: The Bastion - Ikuri's Dread [Final Fantasy VII: Those Chosen by the Planet- [Shinra Mansion Version] ))
[And then she saw the black sky above her: the void that threatened to pull her from her feet and tear her away from the world, the hunger that she knew lay in wait. She felt the icy touch, the emptiness of bone, pressing against her skin and face: the one skeletal finger just a little close to her eye.]
[She saw Dead Master, now truly dead: on the outside, appearing as Ikuri had always known her, but in her eyes...in there, something that came from the void of the sky: kin and yet not kin. The Dead Master that was here, only barely held together: Black★Rock Shooter knew, because Master wanted her to know, that within the latter lay a mass of writhing worms - that she was infected, yet animate, and the parts of her that still feel, felt hatred towards Shooter (though it was a dull thing), for the events of their prior meeting - for being burned away into nothing.]
[What was left of her hated Shooter, hated her profoundly, for taking Yomi from her. She had wanted to human too, once - not any longer. Now there was only the void, controlling every action like a puppet and string, governed solely by hunger.]
[And then she pressed closer still, the flesh peeling away to reveal a skull.]
**
[...Crona.]
[The body riddled by arrows. Shooter moved to protect her, to shield her - but it was over. Dead before the instinct to protect had even beckoned.]
[She saw a broken body, saw the eyes looking blankly back at her. The skin peeled back of its own accord, slowly, revealing flesh - revealing what could only live again one other way. Crona's face became Dead Master's, smiling back.]
**
[And the vision came again and again.]
**
[The fifth time, the person in the clearing was Mato. Ikuri clenched her head, screaming in defiance, but Mato's voice came out of her.]
**
[No. No, no, no -- Mato wasn't there. Mato hadn't died here. Mato was...]
[...Mato had died in the Calamity. Zuko's words; all of the knowledge Ikuri had learned here, claiming that only certain of those amongst each world had been saved. Dead Master, Strength...Matagi...and Gold Saw. They were all truly gone. Now there was truly no hope of saving them.]
[You...are all that's left.]
[I am carried within you, and I will blossom.]
**
[...Ibuki's body, riddled with electricity. Ibuki, pierced by arrows, blood pouring freely from her mouth.]
[Ikuri jumped toward her dearest friend to save her. The black blade pierced her instead. It wasn't enough. She had to be saved.]
[Even as the flesh peeled back, even as the horror crawled from Ibuki's mouth, opening wider than it should, showing full well the depth to which the human in her had been melted away-- Ikuri's hands closed around the girl's throat, squeezing tighter, clutching in defiance of the infection - she had to save her, had to. Without Ibuki, without her family-]
[Everyone would blame her. The Bastion would recognize her as the carrier, the one who brought the darkness here. The wolf who played at being human, who would later become the monster: she had to be killed for the good of everyone.]
[She cried for help, and people came with their weapons. Zuko looked at her with disgust and contempt, no longer recognizing her.]
**
[Ikuri's hands squeezed tighter, desperately.]
[The girl beneath her, the perfectly healthy human girl - tears flowing freely, screaming for help, screaming for her guardian Ippo...]
[No, no he can't come too soon. I have to save you first. I have to kill you so you won't see me like this, so you'll be safe from the arrows.]
[Ippo came...no, too late. Too late. You can't save us now; you'll have to kill us both. She looked up at him, pleading...but it was not Ippo who stood there. It was the engineer, looking back at her - staring in that way he did when he meant to hurt her, or when he wanted her to feel afraid.]
[Please help Ibuki. Ikuri said it, but there was no voice. She could not even move.]
[And his response...no, it's too late for Ibuki. You took her from us. Restitution must be paid.]
**
[But they didn't kill her. They did worse. They removed her fighting spirit, extracted it somehow- then they maimed her, an act of pure cruelty, twisting her arms until they were bent and useless things. Left her with only her legs, but bent those too, so she would have to crawl and couldn't run. Couldn't jump or climb.]
[And they put her back in the void.]
[We don't want you anymore. Return where you came from.]
[And she could only lay on her back, staring up at the terrible void that stared in turn, hoping her own tears would choke her before they came.]
[She know that hope was futile, too. Just the same as every hope she'd ever had. Ikuri was a lie: Shooter was who she was, and Shooter had nothing left in her but the horror. No fighter, no warrior, only a monster. The human in her, the poor poor human, nothing without her other, nothing without family or love--]
[The Bastion made her into an offering. A sacrifice to save themselves. There was nothing in her worth saving: they abandoned her with gladness, and watched as the monster came on, waiting for it to take revenge on their behalf.]
[Ikuri could only cry.]
[But nobody would lament with her. Nobody would mourn her. She would be forgotten.]
[She felt them now, closer.]
--
* * *
(( Scenario: Uncertainty))
[And then she awoke.]
(( BGM: The Bastion - Nightmares... [Baldur's Gate OST: Ruins of Ulcaster] ))
[...her grasp on reality remained tenuous for some time. The pitch dark of the room seemed to hide other threats, leering faces in the shadows...but she found the fighter in her, her focus, and tried her best to drive them away. Only her mind, only her eyes...she only thought she saw them...]
[Unwelcome indeed when they laughed and screamed instead of fading.]
[Ikuri scrambled to her feet, expecting the dark to lunge forward and take invitation - but it did not, and light filled the room. There was nothing in here but the furnishings: the bed she never slept in, the window she rarely opened...]
[It was all normal.]
[But she was still unable to bear remaining within her house.]
[Ikuri stumbles out her door in a daze, not bothering to close or lock it behind her. For that matter, she didn't even turn off her bedroom light.]
[No mind is even paid to where she's headed; her feet move, and she goes along with them. They might just take her toward you - wherever you are, whatever you're doing.]
[And it might disturb you to see that she walks with black blade unsheathed, semiconsciously braced to react to threat. The dullness of her eyes may make a slightly different suggestion of her awareness, though.]
[Will you disturb her?]
Open: [Y]
When: Day 333 [backdated] - Dusk
Where: Several places within the Bastion. Pick your location when you tag in: fresh from nightmare haze, she .
What: Nearly two weeks after the tragedy, Ikuri still gets nightmares.
Format: Action brackets because habits
Warnings:
-Jumpy, sloppy prose of purple, particularly as I'm slammin' this out before work.
-Sol Man is a dork who's terrible at this RP thing.
-Nightmares and body horror.
-Text wall.
Note: The Bastion's calming field will prevent assault and outright aggression, but odds are she's still going to be jumpy and jittery.
(( Preface ))
[She saw them again.]
[The faces of those long gone. People she'd known and loved...or perhaps, more properly to say, known and longed for; while the emotions of hers that reached for them and were touched by them could be somewhere close to love, she'd not the chance to truly know such a thing. But how she'd wanted it - how she craved it, even now! How dearly she wished that they weren't dead, that she could reach for them anew and pretend nothing that took them...]
[...could ever happen...]
(( BGM: The Bastion - Ikuri's Dread [Final Fantasy VII: Those Chosen by the Planet- [Shinra Mansion Version] ))
[And then she saw the black sky above her: the void that threatened to pull her from her feet and tear her away from the world, the hunger that she knew lay in wait. She felt the icy touch, the emptiness of bone, pressing against her skin and face: the one skeletal finger just a little close to her eye.]
[She saw Dead Master, now truly dead: on the outside, appearing as Ikuri had always known her, but in her eyes...in there, something that came from the void of the sky: kin and yet not kin. The Dead Master that was here, only barely held together: Black★Rock Shooter knew, because Master wanted her to know, that within the latter lay a mass of writhing worms - that she was infected, yet animate, and the parts of her that still feel, felt hatred towards Shooter (though it was a dull thing), for the events of their prior meeting - for being burned away into nothing.]
[What was left of her hated Shooter, hated her profoundly, for taking Yomi from her. She had wanted to human too, once - not any longer. Now there was only the void, controlling every action like a puppet and string, governed solely by hunger.]
[And then she pressed closer still, the flesh peeling away to reveal a skull.]
**
[...Crona.]
[The body riddled by arrows. Shooter moved to protect her, to shield her - but it was over. Dead before the instinct to protect had even beckoned.]
[She saw a broken body, saw the eyes looking blankly back at her. The skin peeled back of its own accord, slowly, revealing flesh - revealing what could only live again one other way. Crona's face became Dead Master's, smiling back.]
**
[And the vision came again and again.]
**
[The fifth time, the person in the clearing was Mato. Ikuri clenched her head, screaming in defiance, but Mato's voice came out of her.]
**
[No. No, no, no -- Mato wasn't there. Mato hadn't died here. Mato was...]
[...Mato had died in the Calamity. Zuko's words; all of the knowledge Ikuri had learned here, claiming that only certain of those amongst each world had been saved. Dead Master, Strength...Matagi...and Gold Saw. They were all truly gone. Now there was truly no hope of saving them.]
[You...are all that's left.]
[I am carried within you, and I will blossom.]
**
[...Ibuki's body, riddled with electricity. Ibuki, pierced by arrows, blood pouring freely from her mouth.]
[Ikuri jumped toward her dearest friend to save her. The black blade pierced her instead. It wasn't enough. She had to be saved.]
[Even as the flesh peeled back, even as the horror crawled from Ibuki's mouth, opening wider than it should, showing full well the depth to which the human in her had been melted away-- Ikuri's hands closed around the girl's throat, squeezing tighter, clutching in defiance of the infection - she had to save her, had to. Without Ibuki, without her family-]
[Everyone would blame her. The Bastion would recognize her as the carrier, the one who brought the darkness here. The wolf who played at being human, who would later become the monster: she had to be killed for the good of everyone.]
[She cried for help, and people came with their weapons. Zuko looked at her with disgust and contempt, no longer recognizing her.]
**
[Ikuri's hands squeezed tighter, desperately.]
[The girl beneath her, the perfectly healthy human girl - tears flowing freely, screaming for help, screaming for her guardian Ippo...]
[No, no he can't come too soon. I have to save you first. I have to kill you so you won't see me like this, so you'll be safe from the arrows.]
[Ippo came...no, too late. Too late. You can't save us now; you'll have to kill us both. She looked up at him, pleading...but it was not Ippo who stood there. It was the engineer, looking back at her - staring in that way he did when he meant to hurt her, or when he wanted her to feel afraid.]
[Please help Ibuki. Ikuri said it, but there was no voice. She could not even move.]
[And his response...no, it's too late for Ibuki. You took her from us. Restitution must be paid.]
**
[But they didn't kill her. They did worse. They removed her fighting spirit, extracted it somehow- then they maimed her, an act of pure cruelty, twisting her arms until they were bent and useless things. Left her with only her legs, but bent those too, so she would have to crawl and couldn't run. Couldn't jump or climb.]
[And they put her back in the void.]
[We don't want you anymore. Return where you came from.]
[And she could only lay on her back, staring up at the terrible void that stared in turn, hoping her own tears would choke her before they came.]
[She know that hope was futile, too. Just the same as every hope she'd ever had. Ikuri was a lie: Shooter was who she was, and Shooter had nothing left in her but the horror. No fighter, no warrior, only a monster. The human in her, the poor poor human, nothing without her other, nothing without family or love--]
[The Bastion made her into an offering. A sacrifice to save themselves. There was nothing in her worth saving: they abandoned her with gladness, and watched as the monster came on, waiting for it to take revenge on their behalf.]
[Ikuri could only cry.]
[But nobody would lament with her. Nobody would mourn her. She would be forgotten.]
[She felt them now, closer.]
--
* * *
(( Scenario: Uncertainty))
[And then she awoke.]
(( BGM: The Bastion - Nightmares... [Baldur's Gate OST: Ruins of Ulcaster] ))
[...her grasp on reality remained tenuous for some time. The pitch dark of the room seemed to hide other threats, leering faces in the shadows...but she found the fighter in her, her focus, and tried her best to drive them away. Only her mind, only her eyes...she only thought she saw them...]
[Unwelcome indeed when they laughed and screamed instead of fading.]
[Ikuri scrambled to her feet, expecting the dark to lunge forward and take invitation - but it did not, and light filled the room. There was nothing in here but the furnishings: the bed she never slept in, the window she rarely opened...]
[It was all normal.]
[But she was still unable to bear remaining within her house.]
[Ikuri stumbles out her door in a daze, not bothering to close or lock it behind her. For that matter, she didn't even turn off her bedroom light.]
[No mind is even paid to where she's headed; her feet move, and she goes along with them. They might just take her toward you - wherever you are, whatever you're doing.]
[And it might disturb you to see that she walks with black blade unsheathed, semiconsciously braced to react to threat. The dullness of her eyes may make a slightly different suggestion of her awareness, though.]
[Will you disturb her?]
no subject
[quick, sharp intake of breath]
[and she freezes.]
no subject
[He doesn't stop the gentle petting of her hair.]
Tell me if I'm pushing too hard, will you?
(purple, alas)
[but it's here that she decides to get up, moving his arm away from her head. Rather than release him entirely, though, she shifts both position and grip so that his hand is held between both of her own.]
[As you might expect, it's hard for her to speak, but...]
Engineer...
...Ikuri scared.
no subject
[He smiles at her, there's no hesitation in his words. Just that same, constant assurance he's always got.]
It's not wrong to want to take comfort in what you know. But...
[He reaches out with his other hand and rests his index finger on her nose.]
You're not gonna remain a good fighter if fear guides your actions.
[/2]
[...You're poking my nose. (Why are you poking my nose?) ]
[That's what you've got for your action, Colin: the lady you initially suspected of being a Mancer heavy, looking for all the world like a confused puppy.]
[Or, well. Her equivalent of it, anyway. The icon sums it up pretty well.]
no subject
Can't fight what can't fight. Lies and truth. In me.
Lose everything...lose everyone. Don't want to.
Can't stop it.
...Can't fight sometimes, Colin.
[Curious admission for a warrior-type, isn't it?]no subject
[Colin smiles and gives her nose another boop.]
My wife's father could tell you stories about battles within. My wife's grandmother would bop him on the head and tell him that he didn't listen well enough in training.
You can fight what's inside by shaping what's inside. Fight the truth and the lies with your own truth and your own lies. Your history will only rule you if you let it.
[/2]
[He... he makes it sound easy. He makes it sound possible.]
[It could be done...if the shackles could be thrown off, the horrors purged...]
WOW TOOK ME LONG ENOUGH but here you go
[It changed things, made her feel like it all could change, just by having it spelled out so plainly. It thrust into her hands the very hope and desire she'd longed for: the desire to make herself as she wished, as an actual person with choices instead of-- instead of being a mere stand-in for another's. When all she'd known for so long a time was helplessness - the forced acceptance of unwanted change brought about by things you couldn't simply attack...the idea that her fate was her own to take. That all it took was-- whatever this training was that he mentioned. She could fight the unfightable simply by learning how.]
[Was it so easy?]
[She took two steps toward him, still holding his hand - and then she got on one knee, her eyes still locked with his.]
Please teach...!
'Bout to get all philosophical up in here
But you gotta do one thing first...
Get off your knee.
[He grins down at her.]
Some teachers demand subservience, submission, acknowledgement of their superiority by their students. I want none of that.
[At that, he grips her hand firmly and starts to gently pull her back to her feet.]
The only thing that separates student and master is knowledge. If I need to knock you down a peg, you'll know it. If you need to knock me down a peg, you'll know it. But if you ever want to walk on your own two feet, staying on your knee is not gonna get you there.
You get me? You're a capable person, just looking for a little more knowledge. That doesn't make you any less than me. It just means you know a little less. That's all.
I approve. :|b
[And you don't want acknowledgement of that? How can you? That isn't how it works!
And that's a common protest you get from her inner monologuing, isn't it?]Must respect you. [She doesn't resist being pulled to her feet, but she doesn't let go either - and you can plainly hear her disbelief. There's even a headshake for emphasis.] Must honor you. The greater.
no subject
But I won't have you lowering yourself to do it. You're a person, you're capable, and you're looking for help. That doesn't make you a lesser entity.
That's your first lesson, by the way.
None of this "Lesser" stuff. You call yourself a monster? You call yourself a killer? You call yourself dangerous? That's all you'll ever be in your own eyes.
[He releases her hand to put his hand on her shoulder.]
When you refer to yourself from now on... You use your name. Nothing else. If you wanna say you're dangerous? You say that you WERE a fighter, you WERE a killer. From this day forward... You call yourself "Ikuri". Nothing else. You can still be a fighter, a killer, even a monster if you want, but all that is secondary to Ikuri. If you can't do that, then you can't move forward. Nothing I teach you will mean anything if you can't see yourself as something different from what you were.
Remember. You're fighting yourself, Ikuri. This is like no enemy you've ever faced before. You need to change your habits, or you'll lose that fight every time. This fight is inside you.
[/2]
[To fight herself. ...what a strange place we've come to. Otherworlders never fought themselves. There was never occasion, never reason nor a force to suggest one. The enemy was always without.]
[Could that be why the infection won? Because it attacked them within, and without their Others, there was no...inner force to drive that out?]
[...But Colin suggested it could be done now.]
[What was Ikuri? An anomaly. The first answer to come to mind. The misshapen, the misfit. Not human enough to be human, and no longer fighter enough to be fighter. She could not thrive in either world, because the opposite one would always pull too strongly.]
[Did she need to tell Colin that? It was blood and skin, not merely choice, that comprised all her parts? The human did not choose to be human, or a fighter; neither had the fighter chosen either road. It was simply what was. Nature had decided everything. Then the infection had taken its place, and try as she might, her choice hadn't mattered at all.]
[You don't know how to fight it. That doesn't mean you can't fight.]
[Doesn't it? She only knew what to fight one way. ...but then again? Her whole world, at its best and most healthy, only knew how to exist one way - as long as Others weren't involved - and both Mato and Bastion had proven, in their own ways and in their own time, that Otherworld was not all there was. Its ways were not all there was.]
[What can she take for granted as impossible? Fighting the infection? Returning home? Restoring it? ...becoming normal? Having friends, like Mato? Having home, like Mato?]
[But those things were for Mato. For humans. All that was good in Black★Rock Shooter, all the human elements and feelings - they were the Other's work. 'Ikuri' was a construct, a false temple, an homage to what truly belonged to someone else. The human in her wasn't for her.]
[But Mato hadn't chosen Ikuri. Black★Rock Shooter had. And Mato hadn't named Ikuri either. Ibuki had.]
[... No. Ibuki hadn't named her either. They'd discussed names, had ideas, but...]
[...but Shooter had chosen. She'd honored Ibuki with the decision, and of course she would still honor her, but - Ibuki hadn't made that choice. She'd helped it, and deserved honor for that, but she wasn't the one who'd made the final say. Shooter had even disagreed with her several times before they came up with Ikuri, and even then, that word had come from Shooter alone!]
["You WERE a fighter, you WERE a killer. From this day forward... You call yourself "Ikuri". Nothing else. You can still be a fighter, a killer, even a monster if you want, but all that is secondary to Ikuri."]
Ikuri is weak.
Fighter is blood. What's in me. Can't change.
Ikuri is choice. Choice never stronger. [She flinches, internally, because she knows that's not what Colin wants to hear. Nonetheless, she presses:]
Ikuri is not nature. Became that, after here. Became that, after Other came to me. No, was different then, weaker. No Ikuri before here, before Bastion.
Want stronger. Want better. Want save everyone, but always- always watch them die. Couldn't save Otherworld. Couldn't save Crona. Couldn't save...Ibuki... [and her face weakens.] Oh, Ibuki, heart hurts most. Heart hurts most. See her hurt in nightmare, see hurt her in dreams - I hurt her, I make her cry...
I know it will happen. Darkness in me. Maybe didn't escape...maybe evil, like them.
Nothing good after all. You can't trust me.
no subject
[But wasn't this the foundation of what Colin was saying? That she had to challenge those very things in order to grow past them? Yet they were truth. Rejecting them only lead to lies, it was true, but - when faced with their power, what could she do but accept them? And where did accepting them lead? Exactly where she was now, going from day to day praying she didn't snap.]
[Without the Bastion's calming power (for what else could she call it?), what damage would she have wrought? Ikuri remembers the enemies they brought here, and how the effect had worked together with her fellows to restrain her, and even that hadn't soothed her turmoil, only her wrath. What could have happened by now, if not for forces other than her own?]
[Outside the Bastion: the ambush. The day of Crona's death. The day Ikuri failed. Not only to save her friend, but even to properly avenge her.]
["That can't happen again, and I think it's better if you don't leave the Bastion until you know it won't."]
Should kill, [she finds herself saying before she can stop.] More simple, safer. Protect them better than me.
[...But Zuko had also said...]
no subject
Choice is ALWAYS stronger.
It's why demons prey on mortals.
It's why fae fear mortals.
It's why the restless dead long for the life of the living.
I don't trust you in the slightest. I don't trust anyone here. And yet... I CHOOSE to help you. To help everyone. In spite of what truth dictates I should do.
And you wouldn't think to call me weak, would you?
[He gives her a teasing, warm, and yet very powerful grin. He knows his strengths, he knows his weaknesses, and he's asking Ikuri what she thinks.]
The weak are those that cannot change their path. Those that don't even try. Fate never bends to the whims of those souls. Choice is the option to defy fate. To tell the universe how things are going to happen, and to make the universe listen.
If you're evil... Then you're evil. But what of it? If you need to kill, then by all means, kill. But CHOOSE to kill. CHOOSE to be evil. Or choose to be good.
The only thing holding you back... is what you let yourself be. You can fall into old habits, old routines, old nightmares... Or you can look at those things, and say "No. We're not doing this the way you say to. We're doing this MY way."
Ask yourself, Ikuri.. wouldn't it be easier if I looked at you, and dealt with you as you would expect me to? Do you think I couldn't do it?
[/2]
...
Said you would.
[And while you may not have used that precise phrase, "I promise" - she considers it to be exactly that. To her thinking, asking you to terminate her if she ever got really out of control...that was deeply, personally important: she had to muster up courage just to ask it. And she was honestly relieved when Colin had accepted. Even Ippo hadn't done that for her...and she didn't know if Zuko would.
She honestly doesn't know who else to ask.][So when she says that now...it's with the tone and feeling of "This mattered to me and we agreed upon it; please don't be leading up to a change of heart."]
[This means she's dangerously close to missing the point, at first. (Wandering too near the idea that you could renege on something that mattered that much kinda set off that thought-trail, there.) But then she thinks on it again, tries to put it in context. What you're saying is that you could just kill her straight away, but...you're apparently choosing differently instead. What are you suggesting? That you prefer to help her?]
[She is not so important as that. Protect the people who matter here; the danger she presents isn't worth it. You've already said you don't trust her - that's good. But if you don't trust her, why save her?]
[Ikuri almost asks. But there's the rest of what he said to consider.]
[Her state mind and heart preclude her becoming angry or offended, but she does take some degree of exception to his words all the same - because as far she's concerned, he's the one who's obviously wrong. Maybe choice is stronger sometimes...but there are forces at work far stronger than any one person's choice. Ironically, it's no different than combat. You don't simply choose to win - you fight to win, and if you do not succeed, then you do not win. It's simple logic.]
[...she's reminded, suddenly, of that man-beast she'd encountered and the girl she took one of his blows for. She could have killed him, but she chose not to. At first, she believes that hardly deserved the notice; she was not truly struggling against herself at that time. And yet...wasn't that part of the point? That she could make a choice, and thus did so?]
[But nothing had stepped in to make her choose differently. She suspected... she feared... that there was only an extent to which her nature as a fighter was having an impact. What if it wasn't her nature that was swaying her?]
World came apart. Infection took everyone. Couldn't just tell it to go away.
Friends were twisted. Neighbors... [There's no real proper word for it; they weren't 'friends,' but they were all she'd known for much of her life and they were tied to her identity; when horrors befell them, she couldn't not feel loss.] Turned into evil things. Couldn't just tell them to change back.
Mato came. My Other. Made her human self in me...made me human, too. Couldn't just make her change me back. She killed Dead Master. She left me behind, left me lonely.
What choice then?
Ikuri cried and no one listened. Ikuri fought and nothing changed. Ikuri suffered and it didn't matter.
Want choose different? Choosing not enough. Knowledge with choosing, that's what...
[But isn't that pretty much what he told you? That the problem isn't invincible, you just don't know how to fight it?]
no subject
Will fight myself. Will try if I can...if you want me live. Will not back down.
Just afraid. Consequences if I lose.
Scared of them most of all. Not about me.
no subject
I asked if you had any doubt if I COULD.
[He grins, but then his expression softens as she elaborates.]
No. You couldn't just tell it to go away. But you didn't just lay down and die either, did you? Some people do. Some people succumb.
You got left behind. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. But you're still here. You could have chosen death. You didn't.
You've CHOSEN to trust me. You don't know what I could do. You know that I could be an enemy. Would a monster do that?
[He reaches up and puts his hand on her cheek.]
It's okay to be afraid. Lots of people are afraid. It's okay not to know, even I don't know everything.
What's important is the choices you make with what you have... Even with bad chances. You won't lose. You're better than that.
[/2]
[Ikuri cried and no one listened. Ikuri fought and nothing changed. Ikuri suffered and it didn't matter.]
[Ikuri is wrong.]
[Not false, but failing to speak the whole truth. Ikuri cried back then...and back then, there was no one to listen. But it's not the same now. If Ikuri cried now, people would listen. There were people around to listen, to comfort and soothe her - Colin himself was among those to do that very thing; she still recalled vividly him picking her up, taking her away from the prisoners to see Paar; how she'd relied on him in that moment, even if she wasn't aware of it at the time. Zuko, Ibuki, Ippo...Myrrh...all of them, they would all listen to her and be there to support her. She's no longer alone.]
[As for fighting, and nothing changing? Suffering, and it not mattering? Truth, in a sense... in the old world, she'd made no progress against her enemy, and everything around her had only continued to deteriorate. She made no progress against the infection, did nothing to stop or even slow its takeover. She was not fighting it in a way that could do either of those things. That much is the truth.]
[And yes, when she suffered? She had suffered alone. Cried in the dark with no one to listen or support her; Colin and Zuko have both heard this.]
[But she had not suffered in vain. Colin's helped her realize this: her fighting was not for nothing because her fighting had kept her alive. And keeping herself alive was what allowed her to come to the Bastion. She had what she had now because she'd struggled, because she'd held on just long enough...]
[That it was a fluke didn't matter; that it could be a lie almost didn't, because oh my goodness how she wanted with all her heart to believe this. She wanted to believe that she'd survived that awful place, that the Bastion and everyone in it was real, that her relationships and her friends and her feelings were all genuine: no deceit. Not just another fabrication.]
[Because if it's the truth? Oh, what a wonderful truth it is...to believe that finally, finally, her actions had made a difference. Even if it wasn't the difference she wanted, she still got away...and in the dark, that had been one of the most desperate desires in her heart: to finally be free.]
[She was free now.]
["What's important is the choices you make with what you have." Ippo had said this. Zuko had said this. Even her talk this night with Ibuki had revealed similar ideas. And now, Colin too... they all believed she could choose. That she was mightier than where she came from. And even if she wasn't: the potential was there, waiting to be grasped.]
["Even with bad chances." The Calamity - she never saw either of them coming. The first world-ending catastrophe had doomed her...and the latter, ironically enough, had saved her. Shooter had taken for granted that all she could do was wait to be devoured like the others, yet she fought so stubbornly, fought for hope...the fighter in her had not permitted her to lay down. And even the human in her, for as much as it caused her pain, gave her hope for something other than where she was. Because she chose HOPE...that had saved her. There would have been nothing for the Calamity to rescue if she'd given in; even had she been brought here, she would've been a true monster, and assuredly Colin and his fellows would have destroyed her after her first encounter with them. What a cruel irony that would have been...to finally be in reach of what the human in her desperately needed, and only after the human was dead.]
["You won't lose. You're better than that."]
[He had faith in her. He believed she could win. All her friends...she knows the answer, before she even asks herself: Ibuki, Ippo, Colin, Megaera...all of them had faith. And each would stand with her against the dark; she did not face it alone anymore.]
[...She was no longer alone.]
[And she was still alive.]
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[but this time to frantically kiss his wrist and palm. Gratitude, honor, even affection now.]
[And she hurries toward him, throwing her arms around him and hugging him tightly.]
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Must'a said something right there, huh?
[He puts his arms around her in a hug when she embraces him, and he rubs her shoulder in what he hopes is a comforting gesture.]
It's okay, Ikuri. It's okay.
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It seems to be a big thing with her, physical affection in general][There's some strong emotion in that hug, no doubt about it, but despite that - she's actually not falling apart for once. And when she speaks, her voice is firm.]
Won't give in. Will fight...become protector. Drive horrors away. Not just stronger, but smarter. Become wise.
[She hopes, but goshdarnit she's going to try. And there's a nod within the hug for emphasis:]
Teach. I will listen.
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[He keeps right on rubbing her shoulder.]
I'll teach you anything you want to know, but fair warning... time is still an issue, I can only do so much at once.
[He smiles down at her, a welcoming expression. He's not the least bit afraid of her or cautious of her.
He still has plans in place to deal with her if necessary, but he's got that well-hidden.]I'll even see about finding some stuff you can enjoy to take your mind off hard stuff.
[Like... maybe a Disney movie?]
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Teach control. Push nightmares away, keep from hurting others. Don't want lose focus-- keep focus, keep fury away. Make sure I stay myself.
[Talking with everyone this evening
(except maybe River?)had helped her realize the importance of this. If she was still slipping while fighting on her own, what she needed was help. The old way wasn't enough anymore.][It was time to adapt.]
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All right. Here are two steps that will keep you focused.
One... when you fight. Call yourself Ikuri. Say it aloud if you have to. REMIND yourself of who you are, and what you want to be. Make it part of your focus. Say. Your. Name. Your identity is what you make it... make sure that you're calling yourself what you want to be.
And two... Remember Crona. Never forget Crona. When you fight... think of Crona. And what the fight should have been.
Your mind can be your worst enemy... but you can also make your worst enemy fight for you with practice. Got it?
As for the nightmares... Come get me when you want to sleep. I don't think you can fight the nightmares by yourself yet. But I can.
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mine's a bit graceless, but the inspiration came quickly. :|b
Colin's, meanwhile, is SMUG. AS. SHIT.
's what he does best, yeah? :|b [/2]
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