Day 325 [Open]

[daughterofursa]

Who: Zuko, Colin, Ikuri, and anyone else!
Open: Open!
When: Day 325
Where: Around the Bastion, Dragonfield
What: Time for some Talks
Format: I'll match
Warnings: Honor. Also fury, and not much patience.

It's been a few days since the disaster of Crona's death. Zuko would like to think that that's given her time and distance to process it, but most of her feelings haven't changed much since their return. If anything, she's just forced herself to focus on other things, and avoid dealing with her grief, and her guilt. Not that she's realized it.

It probably doesn't help that she hasn't gotten a decent night's sleep since. But she's used to that, and if she's going to lose sleep, she can at least do it standing guard instead of tossing and turning. She's been taking regular shifts guarding the prisoners, and she's taken to carrying her swords with her within the Bastion, as a precaution not only against escape attempts, but any threat of outside attack as well.


And the swords are also for Colin. Once she's finished a guard shift, she'll be looking for him to take him up on his challenge, and also for Ikuri, for the talk she thinks she's clear-headed enough now to give.


[Later...]
Besides all that, she is still a dragon mom, and that's probably the only thing that's gotten her to settle down at all. Later in the day, she can be found near dragonfield attempting to teach Kizuna how to breathe fire. In addition to a short demonstration, this seems to involve lying down on the ground with the little dragon on her chest so she can feel Zuko's breathing.

So far it doesn't seem to be working, but neither of them appear discouraged. For Kizuna's part, it may be because she doesn't know she's supposed to be breathing fire.

Comments

[scary_music]

W-whoa...

... that's really bad, isn't it?? What will we do if nobody steps up? Not to mention like... how long has it been since Bastion's gotten a new person?? We'd have to be really lucky for a leader to just show up??

... now that Ibuki thinks about it, have you ever had teamwork training stuff? Like, in a band, unity and stuff is totally important... that's the same for going out with people for these missions right??

[daughterofursa]

No one really seems to think we need one...

Teamwork training? You mean battle drills?

[Memories of fighting the "melon lord" come to mind.]

[scary_music]

But leaders are important in just about anything, right? Even in music somebody's gotta lead, or else you don't have a very good beat going.

And yeah, battle drills! Drill the importance of leadership during battles into their heads!

[daughterofursa]

[Zuko raises her eyebrow at "drill the importance of leadership into their heads."]

It's not about that.

Well, some people could learn to listen to direction... [IKURI.] But the important thing is to understand the people you're fighting alongside. You need to know when you can trust your back to them, and when they'll need to depend on you.

[scary_music]

[nodnod]

Hmm... it sounds like you already know what you need to do, Zuko-chan.

[daughterofursa]

Assuming anyone will join me.

[She pets Kizuna, looking like she's resigned to her dragon daughter being the only one on her side.]

[scary_music]

Have you asked anybody??? You know what they say about assumptions... or maybe that saying doesn't exist where you come from?

But y'know, neverminding sayings, you won't know until you try, right?

[daughterofursa]

I know. I know that.

I am trying.

Just, what if it's not good enough? What if I keep trying and failing and it's never good enough?

[scary_music]

... Well...

[she hesitated not sure what to say as she looked over at Zuko]

... Zuko-chan, it ... it has to be good enough.

[For a few seconds, actual fear (or, more specifically, despair) can be seen in Ibuki's eyes... there's so few of them left at the Bastion, and they have at least one traitor in their midst. Nobody else was stepping up to the plate to lead, and if Zuko gave up now... what would happen to them if they just gave up on going after cores altogether? Or worse yet, if one of their expedition parties was just wiped out completely? They've already lost so many people...]

[daughterofursa]

[Unfortunately Zuko wasn't looking at Ibuki just then, or she might have interpreted that statement differently.]

What does that mean?

[Is Ibuki saying she has to be perfect, too?]

[scary_music]

I...

... I'm just...

[there's a short pause, and she couldn't help but start to tear up]

I'm... scared, y'know... if you give up, then... what would happen next? There's always something that can go wrong... I...

... I wish nobody had to go out on the skyway at all but... the Bastion needs shards and the cores, right...?

[her arms still wrapped around her legs, she buries her face against her knees; but her voice is still plenty audible for Zuko to hear what else she has to say]

You've done a whole lot more for this place than Ibuki ever could... you're important...

I'm ... I'm just saying you can't give up... please...

[daughterofursa]

[At the sound of tears in her voice, Zuko gives a start and looks over at her. She sits up, carefully relocating Kizuna to her lap.]

I didn't mean to... [This is two people she's made cry in one day. What is wrong with her?]

I'm not giving up. I just feel like... I'm the wrong person for this.

I thought I could do this. I thought I was doing really well, and then Crona... It's worse than when Night died. I thought I'd learned since then, but Crona still died, and it's my fault.

[This probably isn't going to help Ibuki stop crying. In fact, Zuko's voice is starting to choke up.]

[scary_music]

I don't know what happened when Crona-chan died and... and I wasn't even here when Night-chan was around, I just...

[She sniffled a bit, not bothering to wipe away the tears trickling down as she looked at Zuko; again, there was a brief flash of despair in her eyes]

Are you the right person? I don't know, I ... I don't know anything about this kind of stuff... I mean, I didn't even know anything about milking cows until I made the stupid jerky cows and people yelled at Ibuki but-

... ... I ... I can't even fight anymore... [She used to go out to gather shards but... lately, she's been staying exclusively around the Bastion] I'm scared of what'll happen if I try to pick up a weapon again...

[for more reasons than most people would have. She wasn't sure what telling Zuko this would accomplish, she was just kind of saying the first things that came to mind]

... but... but you're still trying and I... I think that's... what you need to keep doing, Zuko-chan. I still believe you can do it... I believe in you.

[... she'd never actually said as much to Zuko before but, that didn't make it any less true.]

[daughterofursa]

...you do?

[Does she deserve that?

She's been down this road before, feeling like she didn't deserve people's friendship, like she hadn't done anything to merit their approval. But there must be something, there's a reason Ibuki believes in her, even if she can't see it right now.

She can feel Kizuna trying to nuzzle into her hand, and she glances down. If people are counting on her, they're not counting on her because they think she'll fail. Right?

Zuko sniffs and scrubs a hand across her face before her tears have a chance to fall.]

...

Thanks. A-and, sorry.

[scary_music]

It's okay...

It's... I... I know it's hard... I've seen too many people die...

[... actually was responsible for a number of deaths.]

... I just don't want anybody to give up.

[daughterofursa]

...

It always should be hard, shouldn't it?

If it's easy, then... it's like it doesn't matter. Like their lives weren't worth anything.

[scary_music]

[Ibuki couldn't help but freeze up a bit at that... how easy it had been for her back then... during that time she wish she'd never remember]

You're right... you're totally right.

[daughterofursa]

First he accused me of not mourning Ragnarok, and then he acted like I didn't have any right to take it hard that three other people died. As if a good leader is supposed to just take it in stride and then know exactly how to help everyone else deal with it.

[scary_music]

Huh? Who?

[daughterofursa]

Colin.

[She says it like it should be obvious. Who else would be so awful?]

[scary_music]

R-really?

[Ibuki can't hide her surprise, but... well, Ibuki's not really the type to take sides here.]

W-well, um...

... ... he really said that?

[daughterofursa]

Yeah.

[Well, not in so many words. It may not be what he was trying to say either, but it's what Zuko got out of it.]

He thinks I'm a failure and I'm going to get more people killed. And it'll only ever be my fault.

[scary_music]

Well, um... I don't think that's true!

[daughterofursa]

I- I don't want to think so either.

I know I messed up, but... I still got everyone else back, didn't I? He can't blame me for Crona and not give me any credit for the rest. That's not fair!

[scary_music]

...

[she reaches out for Zuko's hand, intending to give it a comforting squeeze]

I don't know what's going on between you and-... Colin-chan [she didn't want to add any complications to this conversation by calling Colin 'papa' in front of Zuko] but um...

I think a lot of other people appreciate what you do. Including me, for sure!