thebastion | [Day 155] | Closed | see me fall down let me die here slowly

Entry tags:

[Day 155] | Closed | see me fall down let me die here slowly

Who: Rin and Bon
Open: Closed
When: Day 155, late night
Where: The water's edge, on the other side of the Dragonfield
What: Rin has been internalizing a lot of hurt, anger, upset and personal disappointment for months now, and it's only getting worse. Short emotional outbursts aren't doing much at all to help her, and people are starting to notice. Especially a certain some one...
Format: Action
Warnings: As always, Rin is a warning unto herself.

[The pool of water that sat at the corner of the Dragonfield wasn't terribly large, barely big enough to be a lake but almost too big to be considered a pond, but it was still just as relaxing as anything larger would have been. The water lapped at the edges of the land gently, water reflecting a hazy sort of dark from the cloud cover ahead that indicated it was "night" within the Bastion. Behind where a certain half demon sat with her knees drawn to her chest, blue gaze staring distantly at the gently moving water, the lights of the safe haven glowed and some people milled about as the hours of the day wound down.

But she didn't seem to really notice them at all.

Hikaru's arrival the day before had been a good thing. A very good thing. He was alive, and Kaoru had his brother back. She was happy for them! She really was.

And yet... that ache in her chest had stayed even after she had parted ways with them.

Try as she might, she couldn't shake it. It just hurt too much, and it was a hurt she couldn't hide anymore, no matter how hard she tried. Her right hand clutched at the True Cross pin at her neck, holding on to it so tightly her knuckles turned white. No tears streaked her face or threatened her eyes right then, but who knew how much longer she was going to be able to hold that back.

Colin had said to her, more than once, that she needed to find a way to deal with all that was going on inside. There was truth in his words that she couldn't really ignore, but damned if she wasn't trying to. It wasn't just her failures, her mistakes. It was the lack of that presence in her life that had kept her grounded for fifteen years even when she screwed up, even when she stumbled over and over again. Three months, three long months without her sister was just to much. She had always scoffed at the idea that she needed anyone, least of all her family, but now that they were both gone it was like something had reached in to her very soul and ripped out the parts that she needed the most to move on.

And the more she felt like this, the more she found herself starting to gently push everyone else away. She would still be friendly with the people in the Bastion both new and old, but she could feel the urge to close herself off from all of them like she had when she was younger.

Which was what brought her out to the Dragonfield that night after work. She normally would have gone to the onsen and then to the apartments to spend time with Bon before bed, but tonight she simply left the kitchen and wandered for a bit before coming to stop there. It was getting late, and by then she assumed Bon would probably be asleep by the time she did finally go back.

That is if she didn't spend all night out there...]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Bon had noticed the strange behavior in Rin pretty early on. It was impossible for him not to notice, he knew Rin far too well to know when something was off about her. The problem was that Bon had no idea how to approach her about it.

At first, Bon had just thought that it was one of the differences between the Rin he knew before the Calamity and the Rin he had met here. Gender can make a big difference at times, or so he thought. So he just let it go on, figuring it was normal for Rin to be quicker to anger and slower to let her temper simmer.

But as they talked, and as they had grown close, Bon realized that the difference between the two Rins was not that vast. When Bon had seen this Rin at special moments, when she was distracted by something else, or when something good had happened, she was just like the Rin he had known before. That was what clued him in on the fact that all this anger was definitely not normal.

If Rin were a boy, Bon would have tried punching some sense into him. But it felt wrong to hit a girl, and he had frustrated himself just trying to think of what to do. So he let it go, hoping an answer would come to him.

Then Rin didn't return home after work, and Bon actually started to panic a little. Where had she gone? She never went anywhere without letting at least one person know where she was going, she knew it was too dangerous to just disappear. So why didn't she come back?

Instead of going to sleep, Bon went out looking for Rin. Eventually he came across her by the lake, looking more sad than mad, and any irritation at her kindasorta-disappearing vanished.

Instead of yelling, he sat down next to her, and waited to see if she would speak first.]

[She had heard him approaching. Or rather she had heard footsteps approaching - it wasn't until he was closer that she realized who it was. She almost said something about him not being asleep, but her voice caught in her throat, and nothing came out.

Even after he sat down next her, she kept quiet, not even moving enough to look at him over her folded up arms.]

[That's okay, he can start the conversation. He just wanted to give her a chance to speak first.]

Alright, out with it: What's bugging you?

[Yeah that wasn't going to happen.]

I found Kaoru's brother on the Skyway yesterday... th... that's a good thing, right? I'm happy for him...

[Except that her voice was cracking as she said it, and she still refused to pick her head up to look at Bon.]

From the way you're saying it, it sounds like you don't think so.

[Did she fight with him or something? There's got to be some trouble there, Kaoru and Rin are friends, so if Kaoru's brother started some shit then of course Rin would be upset.

Better stop him before he decides to go have a talk with this brother.]

Of course I think so! He deserves to have his twin here, r-right?

[There's your clue, Bon: it's not about something either of them did, it's about what they have.]

[Give him a moment to piece it together.]

Then why do you sound so upset?

[Or he could just directly ask, that could work too.]

[Sometimes being blunt is easier. Especially when Rin is involved. Unfortunately it doesn't get the answer Bon is looking for.]

I'm not! I'm not...

[Except, now... well those sure are tears burning in her eyes, and her voice catching as she shakes her head against her arms.

You're such a bad liar, Rin.]

[Rin, you have to be honest here. It's frustrating to him, to see her like this and not be able to do anything. He just wants to yell at her, and actually starts to before he stops himself.]

Yes you are! You're just-

[But he stops himself, and sighs in annoyance. Yelling won't help, and he has to stop himself before he makes her cry again.

Look he's learning from all the fights they've had!]

I can't help you if you won't tell me what's wrong.

[Oh good! That's a point in his favor, then. Not that she would have noticed as she was anyway.

That does get her to lift her head, though, hand letting go of the pin so it falls back down around her neck properly.]

I shouldn't have to... I can-- ... I should be able to deal with this shit on my own.

[Because even after all this time she still doesn't get that having friends (and a boyfriend) means they can help her just as much as she helps them.]

Well obviously you can't, since you're sitting here moping instead of actually dealing with it.

[He may not be yelling, but that snarky tone is going to stay. There is only so much he can do to keep that away.]

There's no shame in asking for help. That's what it means to be friends. But being friends doesn't give someone magical mind-reading powers, so you have to tell people what's wrong.

[She could have easily snapped back at him, but even she knew there was truth to that. They had all said so, right before the Amaimon attack that had revealed her true self to them, and they kept saying it even after.

Shiemi had even gone to her in that prison and said it again...

Yet here she was, trying so hard to convince herself she didn't need them. Why? So she could go back to being lonely again? She didn't even really know why she wanted so badly to push everyone away again, it was just a deeply seeded urge inside of her that was getting harder to ignore with each passing day.

Her jaw tensed for a moment, before she finally muttered quietly:]

Even if it's stupid?

Especially if it's stupid. Because we try to ignore the stuff we think is stupid, so we need someone else to tell us it's not stupid.

[He's way too much like Rin, he knows that he tries to avoid talking about stuff he thinks is stupid too. Personal experience is helping with his sincerity here.]

[He sounds sincere, too, which helps. It does take her a little bit to finally start, but she does, and that's better than she had been earlier.]

... I spent so much time swearin' that I didn't need anyone, family least of all. But now that they're not here--...

[There was a pause to collect what she was trying to say.]

When the old man-- when Dad died, I still had Yuki. Yeah we fought and bickered over the stupidest shit and she was constantly worried about me. For good reason, too.

[What with the execution order and all that]

But... she was still... there. She never abandoned me. Even when I was at my worst.

[She sniffled there, rubbing a finger under her nose as she continued to stare at the gently moving water beyond where they sat.]

When I saw Hikaru and Kaoru yesterday... it was like seein' somethin' I've wanted so bad for months now that I don't think my chest has stopped hurtin' since yesterday...

How... d'you live without somethin' that's been in your life every day since you were born... ?

[Oh, so Rin wants Yuki to be there. That makes a lot more sense.

Unfortunately, it's not something Bon can give her, since he can't drag people here or anything, especially not if they're dead. The best he can do is try to make her feel better about it.]

It would've happened eventually, wouldn't it? You're half-demon, she's human. Even if you're twins, you still would've outlived her by centuries.

[...probably not the most helpful there. He'll try again.]

She didn't abandon you, either. She wouldn't have done that, if she had a choice.

I know that.

[Though she had hoped by that point she would be a little less attached to the idea of her always being around. If anything being a proper adult would make it easier to deal with, and it should have been something that was a long way off, not as recent as three months ago.

She dropped her face back down in to her arms, letting out a groan.]

Told ya it was stupid...

[No one could give her what she wanted, no one could make Yuki magically appear, and Rin knew that. It didn't stop her heart from hurting any less than it already was, though.]

I can't stop wonderin'... if I'd be any better if she was here, though. Like maybe I wouldn't feel so fuckin' stupid about what happened at the Observatory and like such a coward for not wantin' to go back. I don't feel... I'unno... I don't feel like I've got my feet on the ground like I used to. I used to be so sure of everythin'.

Missing family isn't stupid.

[Bon himself goes through times of really, REALLY missing his parents. It's not the same as missing a twin, but it still hurts, and Bon imagines the pain is comparable in some way.

He's going to reach out and put an arm around Rin's shoulders, so he can pull her over to him.]

You just need to find your confidence again. With everything that's happened, all the bad stuff, it's hard to think 'I can do this.'

[Rin let out a quiet noise at being pulled over, but it wasn't a protest of any sort. The second she was there she slumped against him, uncurling her tensed up body in to something more comfortable and easier for him to comfort her.]

I'm not sure how to do that now... in Kyoto it was almost easy to convince myself that if I didn't get my shit together right now I was gonna lose everythin'. But here...

... everythin' has already been lost.

[Everything except him, which she... seems to have trouble remembering for some reason.]

Well, not everything. There's you, and me, and I think the other fifty or so people living here wouldn't like being called 'nothing.' Especially since you were the one to save some of 'em.

[Even if she's depressed and Bon can't do anything, maybe reminding her that she saved people will help bring her around.]

Oh. Well. ... yeah...

[That actually got her tail to twitch a little, almost like she was going to start wagging it happily, but couldn't quite bring herself to do it.

He had a point, though. There was electricity, lights glowing behind her that she had helped bring to the Bastion. There were buildings both modern and older styled, there were people walking about - she could hear them, even. Things like the clank clank clank of Stuart working at the forge, snippets of conversation near the gazebo and even at the Distillery, all of them signs of life that she had helped maintain and even grow.

She closed her eyes for a moment, and just listened to them, and to the sound of Bon's heart beat and his breathing next to her.

None of it was going to bring Yuki to her. None of it was going to make her miss her sister or her father any less. And she was still going to have to work through all those other nagging feelings of inadequacy, but...

what he said did make her feel better.

That was a start.]

D'you think... she'd be proud of me? Even with all the stupid shit I've done?

She wouldn't say it out loud, but...yeah. She would be.

[Rin might have never seen it, but Bon did. Bon had shared a class with Yukio, so he had seen him a lot more than most of the other cram school students. Even though Rin was eternally frustrating, Yukio had always loved him.

He can't imagine Yuki would have been that much different.]

Heh. 'course she wouldn't. Heaven forbid she actually say that stuff to me.

[But Rin smiled as she said it, because that was Yuki all over. Rin wouldn't want her sister to be anyone but.

A quiet, but much more relaxed sigh left her, head sort of nuzzling in to Bon's side.]

Sorry I didn't come home...

[When she snuggles closer, Bon will pull her closer too.]

It's alright, no harm done. But we need to get phones here or something, it's hard to keep track of people without calling them.

[Oh look Bon you're not being nearly as awkward with her.]

I'd ask Colin but I don't even think he's got enough stuff here to make a workin' cell phone tower.

["Yet", is probably what he'd say, if he could overhear this conversation.]

Uhm. I was actually thinkin' about somethin', though...

Maybe he can get the stuff at the Observatory.

[He looks down at her curiously when she says that second part.]

Yeah? What's up?

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject