Day 325 [Open]

[daughterofursa]

Who: Zuko, Colin, Ikuri, and anyone else!
Open: Open!
When: Day 325
Where: Around the Bastion, Dragonfield
What: Time for some Talks
Format: I'll match
Warnings: Honor. Also fury, and not much patience.

It's been a few days since the disaster of Crona's death. Zuko would like to think that that's given her time and distance to process it, but most of her feelings haven't changed much since their return. If anything, she's just forced herself to focus on other things, and avoid dealing with her grief, and her guilt. Not that she's realized it.

It probably doesn't help that she hasn't gotten a decent night's sleep since. But she's used to that, and if she's going to lose sleep, she can at least do it standing guard instead of tossing and turning. She's been taking regular shifts guarding the prisoners, and she's taken to carrying her swords with her within the Bastion, as a precaution not only against escape attempts, but any threat of outside attack as well.


And the swords are also for Colin. Once she's finished a guard shift, she'll be looking for him to take him up on his challenge, and also for Ikuri, for the talk she thinks she's clear-headed enough now to give.


[Later...]
Besides all that, she is still a dragon mom, and that's probably the only thing that's gotten her to settle down at all. Later in the day, she can be found near dragonfield attempting to teach Kizuna how to breathe fire. In addition to a short demonstration, this seems to involve lying down on the ground with the little dragon on her chest so she can feel Zuko's breathing.

So far it doesn't seem to be working, but neither of them appear discouraged. For Kizuna's part, it may be because she doesn't know she's supposed to be breathing fire.

Comments

[daughterofursa]

That's not... [how friendship works? Like Zuko knows.]

Fine, whatever. You can think whatever you want.

[darkshooter]

[Head. Shake.]

You have to say.

[Yes. She is going to make you say it.]

[freedom_engineer]

You clearly WEREN'T.

I've told all of you to be careful. That everything out here can kill you. That there are agents working against us.

I've told EVERYONE that we need to coordinate and learn to work as a team. I've said countless times that we can't keep walking into situations assuming that things are going to go okay. I've warned everyone, TIME AND AGAIN, that every trip out for even the most mundane purpose can result in someone we love getting killed.

Night proved that. Everyone who's wandered off and not come back proved that. And now, Crona and Ragnarok have proven that!

YOU! WERE! SLOPPY!

[daughterofursa]

No, I don't.

I didn't come over here to make friends [--unless it was with the dragon--] I came to talk to an ally about learning how to control herself.

[/2]

[darkshooter]

[... then get lost, will you? I'm trying to sleep.]

[darkshooter]

[layin' back down]

[daughterofursa]

You say a lot of things. You're always talking about how you know better and we should all listen to your superior intellect.

And the second anyone disagrees with you, you call us idiots. If we make mistakes, it's because we didn't listen to you. We're children to you!

If anyone needs to "learn to work in a team," it's you. You have no respect for any of us. You don't respect what we know or what we can do.

I do my best, and maybe my best will never be good enough, but I am trying. I am not going to let you tell me that I'm not.

[daughterofursa]

[Zuko sighs again. Well, your ears should still work from down there.]

You're going to wind up hurting someone you don't mean to if you don't learn to discipline yourself.

[darkshooter]

[...her body may have tensed.]

[freedom_engineer]

I've ALSO saved the Bastion, the Ura, and our collective hides SEVERAL TIMES OVER.

Without me, all of you would be dead from the plague, that I and Jay stopped before anyone died.

Without me, the Ura would either be dead or invading us because of a food shortage that I foresaw, and planned to circumvent!

Without me, do you care to guess how many people would have died from injuries? From sickness? For the sake of the Gods, I'm an engineer, and I learned to be a doctor because WE DIDN'T HAVE ONE!

I've given us FOOD. I've given us a mental balm from the agony of the end of the world! I've given us a fall-back position in the worst case situation that we have to run because something went wrong!

I've seen problems and proactively addressed them and SAVED LIVES! You may not like me, child, but even you can't deny that! What have you done besides look for a girlfriend and give yourself a pet?!

But no. Because I've got a character flaw, you seem to think that I'm only ever looking down on you people. And you can't even see it in yourself.

And don't think I've forgotten, yes, you brought back the cure... But you wouldn't even have been able to WALK if I hadn't insisted on a quarantine. That each and every one of you complained about when I first set it up. And WHEN you came back from that, you brought Ahime back with you two steps from death's door! Because none of you thought to heed my warnings that there are traps everywhere!

[daughterofursa]

[Good, that means she's listening, right?]

I've been there. I let my anger get the better of me and it put my allies in danger.

I don't think you want to do that.

[darkshooter]

[...]

[no motion this time. she managed to keep herself completely still.]

[daughterofursa]

You were out of control before.

I couldn't count on you to listen to strategy. I couldn't count on you to help our allies.

That can't happen again, and I think it's better if you don't leave the Bastion until you know it won't.

[daughterofursa]

You talk about what we've done like it's an afterthought. It's never good enough, is it? We're not as smart as you. It's never as perfect as how you would've done it.

I have never denied that you have useful skills, but that doesn't make the rest of us less important! You're not the only person responsible for the fact that we're still here. We're all in this together!

At least, that's how it should be. You think it's some kind of flaw that I've been able to connect with people? That yes, I have a girlfriend? [There's an extra defiance to that because it's not something she's said very often.]

We all come here from different nations. No one's going to follow me because I'm the Fire Princess. They're only going to follow me if they know me and respect me and believe that I respect and care about them, too. If you think that's a waste of time then it's no wonder you don't have any friends of your own.

[freedom_engineer]

It IS an afterthought! It's not a question of what you can do, it's a question of the potential you're squandering!

Without the Bastion, there are FOUR people who would have survived.

Me. Paarthurnax. Crona. And Ragnarok.

Two of them are dead now. You're only mourning one of them. I think me and Paarthurnax are the only ones who even knew Ragnarok existed. Gods, is it any wonder that Ragnarok was such an ass?! Nobody gave him a fair shake, nobody treated him like a person!

And you're STILL doing that! You wanna complain about things not being good enough for me?! About me not thinking we're all in this together?! You look at Ikuri and you see a monster! You keep treating her like that, and she's only ever going to be a monster!

She probably hadn't SEEN another person that didn't try to kill her before she wound up here! She watched one of the only people who she'd been able to talk to die in front of her. Her life is VIOLENCE and she's terrified. And you're treating her like she's a liability instead of someone who needs help!

[He gives her an angry, accusing point.]

And you think that I'm doing what I do because I like it? Because I want you people to be less than me? I've got problems of my own you self-centered twit. I can't interact with polite society without having handlers. I can't understand people, no matter how hard I try! I am MENTALLY BROKEN and there's nobody here that can fix that! But I know that, and still I try!

Nobody will follow you because they don't trust you! Nobody will follow me because they don't trust me!

WE. ARE. FUCKED.

Because we can't get our acts together and LISTEN to each other!

[daughterofursa]

[Wow Colin you really don't know Zuko well enough if you think she would have died without the Bastion. She's not even going to dignify that with a response.]

You want to talk to me about Ikuri? I hadn't heard one word out of her mouth, and because of her I had to watch two more people die that day. I'd never... [seen anyone die like that before.]

She is a liability. Until someone can help her, she's dangerous. And I was planning on trying.

If you don't understand people, then stop acting like you do. Stop acting like you know what we think about each other or the potentials we're not living up to. I'm not going to listen to you if you don't accept me as I say I am. If you don't accept that this is the best I can do right now.

People try, and they fail. It doesn't mean they're not trying. It doesn't mean they're not listening.

[freedom_engineer]

And THAT is why you'll never be a good ruler. Because of her, your foes retreated. Because of her, you lost less than you would have. Because of HER, your allies are still alive and we're only mourning two people instead of more. Instead of maybe all of you.

You had to watch two more people die? Cry me a river. I've had to watch BILLIONS of people die. More people than you would even know EXISTED on your world.

They had you dead to rights. You walked STRAIGHT into a kill box. And you only got out because of dumb luck, a loose cannon, and two sacrifices that never should have been made.

Your best isn't good enough, Zuko. Your best needs to get better. Failure isn't an option any more. Failure means DEATH.

If you can't get that through your head, you don't deserve to be setting foot out of the safety of the Bastion. And you sure as anything don't deserve to be "leading" anyone.

[bakegarasu]

[Otoha does not sleep very much, but when he does it's usually during the 'day'. Not that days or nights mean much here, but keeping up with his old schedule is just fine for him. So when he finds Zuko and the dragonling in the field, it's 'morning' for him. He doesn't have to take his turn guarding the prisoners until later, so he sits down, just watching the two for the moment.]

[darkshooter]

Crona...

[Weariness, pain, disbelief and weak protest all at once. It's probably quite clear now, if it wasn't before, that this topic is very unwelcome.]

[To take that a step further (and risk some soap opera), the tone itself seems to be asking you why you're doing this - if the whole reason you came to her was just to reopen her wounds.]


[Just because she can hear you doesn't mean you're getting through.]

[daughterofursa]

They were already retreating.

[It's said under her breath, half a growl, because she's done arguing. Because she didn't see it coming, because Crona died on her watch, everything she did right that day doesn't matter? Colin wasn't even there, and he's trying to assign credit to a berserker who would have been more help if she'd listened to orders, and luck. It wasn't luck that got them through that situation, because they sure as hell hadn't had any. It was Rob and Megaera, Tobias and Mitellux. And herself.

He's like her father. Ignoring her efforts because they don't lead to perfection. Ignoring the fact that it's hard, and perfection is impossible for anyone, not just her. Even ignoring the fact that two people dying is a big deal, even if they're enemies, because the only path to victory doesn't have to be a violently bloody one. A hard heart doesn't make a good ruler.

It took her years to learn that she doesn't have to take this. No one has the right to tell her who she is or who she will be. Especially not someone who wasn't there, and won't acknowledge the efforts of her friends either.

Forget swords. Zuko brings her leg up and kicks a plume of fire directly at Colin. Because it's Zuko, the heat dissipates quickly enough that it's unlikely to burn, but the force of it would knock a normal person down.]

[daughterofursa]

[Zuko didn't really expect it to be a welcome topic.]

I know. That wasn't easy for any of us. It's still... not easy.

...

I'm not sure what I can do to help. I just know that kind of anger burns. Holding on to it won't help.

[daughterofursa]

[Zuko glances over at him without getting up.]

It's not time for my shift yet, is it?

[Though that would be preferable to another argument about what a failure she is.]

[bakegarasu]

No, not yet. I was just... checking on some of the plants, and I saw you.

[He eyes Kizuna a little warily. He's still not a huge fan of dragons, and just because she's small doesn't mean she can't do damage.]

[daughterofursa]

Oh.

[Kizuna chirps anxiously. Why are you looking at her that way, stranger? She is a magnificent baby dragon, doesn't everyone love her?

Zuko strokes her mane comfortingly.]

She doesn't bite. [At least not unprovoked. Zuko would not advise stuffing her in your shirt.]

[bakegarasu]

I guess.

[He looks away for a few moments. He's not good at this.]

How are you doing?