It shouldn't be okay, he shouldn't be allowed to, times like this almost make him wish he wasn't so goddamn stubborn. If he wasn't so stubborn, maybe he'd be like any other Helsman. He could be broken and numb to the pain and misery. It'd be a fucking break.

But he's not. He's not broken, he's not numb, and all he can do is cry all the harder, tears flooding down his face. He'd hold her hand if he could but he's still too weak for that. All he can do is twitch his fingers bit by little bit while the rest of his hand spasms with each sob that wracks through his body.