[ His skin crawled at those words, eyes darkening before going flat into that dead-pan expression he was so fond of, when not sporting his strange little smile. The onmyoji's ears burned under his long hair with anger and humiliation. Part of him - the logical and clever part with all the reasoning skill of a genius of his age - knew it was all fake. He knew it was a hallucination, but knowing and believing were two very different things, and the poison had riddled him with down like a worm-eaten apple.
Fear was not unknown to him. People had always feared him. Feared what he was, what he could become. And he agreed with the voice on some accounts. He was indeed unlikely to find someone that fully trusted him, and he was invariably likely to spend his many centuries to come very much alone. However what Seimei did not believe in was real impossibility when it came to the hearts of men. Just as he always believed he would be alone, he believed there was a possibility of something better. He saw it, on occasion, when Kaoru looked at him. Kaoru wasn't afraid of him. No one pretended that well when there was nothing to be gained from it.
So Seimei did the best thing he could think to, focusing on Kaoru. Kaoru's hair, like sunset. Kaoru's eyes, just a little too big, but always so warm and expressive. Kaoru's laughter, which Seimei was always shocked to find he could cause. If the boy had not turned on him yet there was little reason for him to do now, and he was always honest about what he was. The boy knew, of course he knew. Seimei had told him.
But the others? How much did they know? Why would they fear him? Alucard, who was neither truly dead nor alive and could survive on the blood of men, or Crona, strange, sad creature full of woe and plagued by another soul so close by? Only Ippo was human - only Ippo was what Seimei would consider an enemy on principle and the boy was so guileless Seimei couldn't imagine it to be true...
What did they have to gain from any of this? Why would they turn on him when there was nowhere to go and no one to protect but each other? was he a greater enemy than the end of all civilization? Would they honestly blame him for their troubles?
This was precisely why he avoided them in the first place!
Fury and confusion drove him on, ignoring the others as bitterness warred with reason and fear drew icy lines along his spine. If he did not look, if he tried not to listen...
These weren't his words. They weren't his thoughts. He was not an animal and had never behaved as one; now would not be the time to change that. He was still half human. He could never let himself forget that, however much he valued the demon in himself more. Humans could and sometimes did love the monsters. Fear could be swallowed, betrayal forgiven, trust earned and loneliness cured. These were inarguable truths he had to live by.
Gods but those words hurt A poison that he'd let rule so much of his life, keep him isolated. Until Hiromasa. Until Kaoru.
Kaoru. Sunset hair. Stumbling laughter. A thousand years of separation, meeting against all odds.
This bog and its twisted ensnarements could go straight to Hell.]
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Fear was not unknown to him. People had always feared him. Feared what he was, what he could become. And he agreed with the voice on some accounts. He was indeed unlikely to find someone that fully trusted him, and he was invariably likely to spend his many centuries to come very much alone. However what Seimei did not believe in was real impossibility when it came to the hearts of men. Just as he always believed he would be alone, he believed there was a possibility of something better. He saw it, on occasion, when Kaoru looked at him. Kaoru wasn't afraid of him. No one pretended that well when there was nothing to be gained from it.
So Seimei did the best thing he could think to, focusing on Kaoru. Kaoru's hair, like sunset. Kaoru's eyes, just a little too big, but always so warm and expressive. Kaoru's laughter, which Seimei was always shocked to find he could cause. If the boy had not turned on him yet there was little reason for him to do now, and he was always honest about what he was. The boy knew, of course he knew. Seimei had told him.
But the others? How much did they know? Why would they fear him? Alucard, who was neither truly dead nor alive and could survive on the blood of men, or Crona, strange, sad creature full of woe and plagued by another soul so close by? Only Ippo was human - only Ippo was what Seimei would consider an enemy on principle and the boy was so guileless Seimei couldn't imagine it to be true...
What did they have to gain from any of this? Why would they turn on him when there was nowhere to go and no one to protect but each other? was he a greater enemy than the end of all civilization? Would they honestly blame him for their troubles?
This was precisely why he avoided them in the first place!
Fury and confusion drove him on, ignoring the others as bitterness warred with reason and fear drew icy lines along his spine. If he did not look, if he tried not to listen...
These weren't his words. They weren't his thoughts. He was not an animal and had never behaved as one; now would not be the time to change that. He was still half human. He could never let himself forget that, however much he valued the demon in himself more. Humans could and sometimes did love the monsters. Fear could be swallowed, betrayal forgiven, trust earned and loneliness cured. These were inarguable truths he had to live by.
Gods but those words hurt A poison that he'd let rule so much of his life, keep him isolated. Until Hiromasa. Until Kaoru.
Kaoru. Sunset hair. Stumbling laughter. A thousand years of separation, meeting against all odds.
This bog and its twisted ensnarements could go straight to Hell.]