[Throughout this event, Zulf has been on the tightrope balancing between amused and bemused- two very different states of mind. He hadn't understood why such a party had been going on, but that was the Bastion for you. It's full of strange but well intentioned people. Even Colin of all people.]
[However, when the crowd had started to part- when Zahi had taken the lead- he'd fallen off straight into confusion. He hadn't understood- perhaps hadn't wanted to- what was going on. And when it hits...]
[Hidden in the crowd, nearly indistinguishable from the numerous new faces they have, Zulf looks nothing short like he's been stabbed through the stomach. His face is pale as pure chalk, and he can feel his knees shake.]
[Everyone had known there was at least one suspicious person in the Bastion. A thief. Of course. But this...]
[This is worse than any thief.]
[The thought strikes him, pierces him to the bone, of Was Zayna in on this?
[Was I just being used?]
[Zulf can't stop shaking. It's like the last time around, all over again, only he thinks this is worse than feeling a pure crimson blade slice through his skin. Back then, he'd deserved it. He'd been so arrogant and angry and foolish, he'd deserved nothing less than the Mother's sweet embrace. Raile's back beneath his empty chest had been an offer contrary to everything else.]
[Has he deserved this, too?]
[He thought Zahi was...]
[It's hard to breathe. He wants very much to fall apart and just give up, because this is simply too much and he has had enough. His people are everything, and twice now they've turned on him. First, united. Second, now, so much more personal.]
[He wants to be done.]
[A burning in his chest murmurs Not yet.]
[Zulf isn't sure where he gets any strength from, to pull the shattered shards of his self together, but before he knows it, he's shoving through the crowd to get to the side.]
1/2
[However, when the crowd had started to part- when Zahi had taken the lead- he'd fallen off straight into confusion. He hadn't understood- perhaps hadn't wanted to- what was going on. And when it hits...]
[Hidden in the crowd, nearly indistinguishable from the numerous new faces they have, Zulf looks nothing short like he's been stabbed through the stomach. His face is pale as pure chalk, and he can feel his knees shake.]
[Everyone had known there was at least one suspicious person in the Bastion. A thief. Of course. But this...]
[This is worse than any thief.]
[The thought strikes him, pierces him to the bone, of Was Zayna in on this?
[Was I just being used?]
[Zulf can't stop shaking. It's like the last time around, all over again, only he thinks this is worse than feeling a pure crimson blade slice through his skin. Back then, he'd deserved it. He'd been so arrogant and angry and foolish, he'd deserved nothing less than the Mother's sweet embrace. Raile's back beneath his empty chest had been an offer contrary to everything else.]
[Has he deserved this, too?]
[He thought Zahi was...]
[It's hard to breathe. He wants very much to fall apart and just give up, because this is simply too much and he has had enough. His people are everything, and twice now they've turned on him. First, united. Second, now, so much more personal.]
[He wants to be done.]
[A burning in his chest murmurs Not yet.]
[Zulf isn't sure where he gets any strength from, to pull the shattered shards of his self together, but before he knows it, he's shoving through the crowd to get to the side.]