[...it was an awful lot to process, all at once. yet, every time a protest or an outcry would start form - she would stop herself, consider what was said, and think again.]
[To fight herself. ...what a strange place we've come to. Otherworlders never fought themselves. There was never occasion, never reason nor a force to suggest one. The enemy was always without.]
[Could that be why the infection won? Because it attacked them within, and without their Others, there was no...inner force to drive that out?]
[...But Colin suggested it could be done now.]
[What was Ikuri? An anomaly. The first answer to come to mind. The misshapen, the misfit. Not human enough to be human, and no longer fighter enough to be fighter. She could not thrive in either world, because the opposite one would always pull too strongly.]
[Did she need to tell Colin that? It was blood and skin, not merely choice, that comprised all her parts? The human did not choose to be human, or a fighter; neither had the fighter chosen either road. It was simply what was. Nature had decided everything. Then the infection had taken its place, and try as she might, her choice hadn't mattered at all.]
[You don't know how to fight it. That doesn't mean you can't fight.]
[Doesn't it? She only knew what to fight one way. ...but then again? Her whole world, at its best and most healthy, only knew how to exist one way - as long as Others weren't involved - and both Mato and Bastion had proven, in their own ways and in their own time, that Otherworld was not all there was. Its ways were not all there was.]
[What can she take for granted as impossible? Fighting the infection? Returning home? Restoring it? ...becoming normal? Having friends, like Mato? Having home, like Mato?]
[But those things were for Mato. For humans. All that was good in Black★Rock Shooter, all the human elements and feelings - they were the Other's work. 'Ikuri' was a construct, a false temple, an homage to what truly belonged to someone else. The human in her wasn't for her.]
[But Mato hadn't chosen Ikuri. Black★Rock Shooter had. And Mato hadn't named Ikuri either. Ibuki had.]
[... No. Ibuki hadn't named her either. They'd discussed names, had ideas, but...]
[...but Shooter had chosen. She'd honored Ibuki with the decision, and of course she would still honor her, but - Ibuki hadn't made that choice. She'd helped it, and deserved honor for that, but she wasn't the one who'd made the final say. Shooter had even disagreed with her several times before they came up with Ikuri, and even then, that word had come from Shooter alone!]
["You WERE a fighter, you WERE a killer. From this day forward... You call yourself "Ikuri". Nothing else. You can still be a fighter, a killer, even a monster if you want, but all that is secondary to Ikuri."]
Ikuri is weak.
Fighter is blood. What's in me. Can't change.
Ikuri is choice. Choice never stronger. [She flinches, internally, because she knows that's not what Colin wants to hear. Nonetheless, she presses:]
Ikuri is not nature. Became that, after here. Became that, after Other came to me. No, was different then, weaker. No Ikuri before here, before Bastion.
Want stronger. Want better. Want save everyone, but always- always watch them die. Couldn't save Otherworld. Couldn't save Crona. Couldn't save...Ibuki... [and her face weakens.] Oh, Ibuki, heart hurts most. Heart hurts most. See her hurt in nightmare, see hurt her in dreams - I hurt her, I make her cry...
I know it will happen. Darkness in me. Maybe didn't escape...maybe evil, like them.
[/2]
[To fight herself. ...what a strange place we've come to. Otherworlders never fought themselves. There was never occasion, never reason nor a force to suggest one. The enemy was always without.]
[Could that be why the infection won? Because it attacked them within, and without their Others, there was no...inner force to drive that out?]
[...But Colin suggested it could be done now.]
[What was Ikuri? An anomaly. The first answer to come to mind. The misshapen, the misfit. Not human enough to be human, and no longer fighter enough to be fighter. She could not thrive in either world, because the opposite one would always pull too strongly.]
[Did she need to tell Colin that? It was blood and skin, not merely choice, that comprised all her parts? The human did not choose to be human, or a fighter; neither had the fighter chosen either road. It was simply what was. Nature had decided everything. Then the infection had taken its place, and try as she might, her choice hadn't mattered at all.]
[You don't know how to fight it. That doesn't mean you can't fight.]
[Doesn't it? She only knew what to fight one way. ...but then again? Her whole world, at its best and most healthy, only knew how to exist one way - as long as Others weren't involved - and both Mato and Bastion had proven, in their own ways and in their own time, that Otherworld was not all there was. Its ways were not all there was.]
[What can she take for granted as impossible? Fighting the infection? Returning home? Restoring it? ...becoming normal? Having friends, like Mato? Having home, like Mato?]
[But those things were for Mato. For humans. All that was good in Black★Rock Shooter, all the human elements and feelings - they were the Other's work. 'Ikuri' was a construct, a false temple, an homage to what truly belonged to someone else. The human in her wasn't for her.]
[But Mato hadn't chosen Ikuri. Black★Rock Shooter had. And Mato hadn't named Ikuri either. Ibuki had.]
[... No. Ibuki hadn't named her either. They'd discussed names, had ideas, but...]
[...but Shooter had chosen. She'd honored Ibuki with the decision, and of course she would still honor her, but - Ibuki hadn't made that choice. She'd helped it, and deserved honor for that, but she wasn't the one who'd made the final say. Shooter had even disagreed with her several times before they came up with Ikuri, and even then, that word had come from Shooter alone!]
["You WERE a fighter, you WERE a killer. From this day forward... You call yourself "Ikuri". Nothing else. You can still be a fighter, a killer, even a monster if you want, but all that is secondary to Ikuri."]
Ikuri is weak.
Fighter is blood. What's in me. Can't change.
Ikuri is choice. Choice never stronger. [She flinches, internally, because she knows that's not what Colin wants to hear. Nonetheless, she presses:]
Ikuri is not nature. Became that, after here. Became that, after Other came to me. No, was different then, weaker. No Ikuri before here, before Bastion.
Want stronger. Want better. Want save everyone, but always- always watch them die. Couldn't save Otherworld. Couldn't save Crona. Couldn't save...Ibuki... [and her face weakens.] Oh, Ibuki, heart hurts most. Heart hurts most. See her hurt in nightmare, see hurt her in dreams - I hurt her, I make her cry...
I know it will happen. Darkness in me. Maybe didn't escape...maybe evil, like them.
Nothing good after all. You can't trust me.