Day 325 [Open]

[daughterofursa]

Who: Zuko, Colin, Ikuri, and anyone else!
Open: Open!
When: Day 325
Where: Around the Bastion, Dragonfield
What: Time for some Talks
Format: I'll match
Warnings: Honor. Also fury, and not much patience.

It's been a few days since the disaster of Crona's death. Zuko would like to think that that's given her time and distance to process it, but most of her feelings haven't changed much since their return. If anything, she's just forced herself to focus on other things, and avoid dealing with her grief, and her guilt. Not that she's realized it.

It probably doesn't help that she hasn't gotten a decent night's sleep since. But she's used to that, and if she's going to lose sleep, she can at least do it standing guard instead of tossing and turning. She's been taking regular shifts guarding the prisoners, and she's taken to carrying her swords with her within the Bastion, as a precaution not only against escape attempts, but any threat of outside attack as well.


And the swords are also for Colin. Once she's finished a guard shift, she'll be looking for him to take him up on his challenge, and also for Ikuri, for the talk she thinks she's clear-headed enough now to give.


[Later...]
Besides all that, she is still a dragon mom, and that's probably the only thing that's gotten her to settle down at all. Later in the day, she can be found near dragonfield attempting to teach Kizuna how to breathe fire. In addition to a short demonstration, this seems to involve lying down on the ground with the little dragon on her chest so she can feel Zuko's breathing.

So far it doesn't seem to be working, but neither of them appear discouraged. For Kizuna's part, it may be because she doesn't know she's supposed to be breathing fire.

Comments

[daughterofursa]

[Zuko glances over at him without getting up.]

It's not time for my shift yet, is it?

[Though that would be preferable to another argument about what a failure she is.]

[bakegarasu]

No, not yet. I was just... checking on some of the plants, and I saw you.

[He eyes Kizuna a little warily. He's still not a huge fan of dragons, and just because she's small doesn't mean she can't do damage.]

[daughterofursa]

Oh.

[Kizuna chirps anxiously. Why are you looking at her that way, stranger? She is a magnificent baby dragon, doesn't everyone love her?

Zuko strokes her mane comfortingly.]

She doesn't bite. [At least not unprovoked. Zuko would not advise stuffing her in your shirt.]

[bakegarasu]

I guess.

[He looks away for a few moments. He's not good at this.]

How are you doing?

[daughterofursa]

Fine.

[The response is flat and automatic, and after a moment she adds more honestly:]

I've been better.

[bakegarasu]

... I figured. Most people seem pretty broken up by all of this.

[It's... not as bad for him, but he's used to a lot of death around.]

[daughterofursa]

I guess you didn't really know her?

[bakegarasu]

Not really. And I've... seen too many people die to get really broken up about it.

[Aside from Reiji, but... well. That was the only one.]

[daughterofursa]

Have you?

I'm sorry.

[bakegarasu]

Turnover is high in the yakuza, especially among the younger members. And I've killed enough people to not be bothered by that sort of thing.

[daughterofursa]

[Zuko stiffens at that admission, her hand stilling on Kizuna's mane.]

Oh.

[What's the appropriate response to 'I've killed a lot of people'?]

[bakegarasu]

[He just flops onto the grass, looking up at the sky.]

That's what my job was. That's what I was raised to do. Even after I became Karas, what I did was kill - it was just for a 'better' purpose.

[His expression doesn't really change, but his voice does soften slightly.]

I don't mind it. It's what I'm good at.

[daughterofursa]

[For her part, Zuko sits up, shifting Kizuna into her arms.]

That doesn't make it okay.

No one should be raised like that. Killing is never a good thing.

[bakegarasu]

Isn't it? Maybe not the kind I was raised to do - to clear out an enemy group so mine could take it over - but the kind I was doing before everything happened?

There's dangerous people out there, people who pose a threat to everyone, human and yokai alike. Not everyone can be saved, and not everyone should be if they're like that. So you cut them off before they can do any more harm.

[He turns his head so he can look at Zuko, expression still calm.]

... I'm a weapon and a monster that shouldn't have been born. At least, that's what I was always told growing up. People here treat me differently, but... it's hard to tell who's right. Because... I do kill. I do hurt people. And maybe I have some personal responsibility for that, but I was always taught to never question orders. That if I had to live, I should be a useful tool.

Maybe it's a wrong way to live, but it's what I know.

[daughterofursa]

It's not just about whether someone deserves to die.

It's about... what hurting people does to you. I put someone in a position once where I asked him to kill someone. I shouldn't have. I'm glad he found another way, even if I know that person didn't deserve to live.

You don't have to keep doing that to yourself.

[bakegarasu]

Don't I? If I don't do the job, someone else will. Someone who might actually get hurt and feel it. I can't feel it. It won't slow me down, and I won't get sloppy.

Why shouldn't I do a job that needs doing?

[daughterofursa]

But it's not a job that needs doing. What we need is to keep people alive.

[bakegarasu]

... Maybe here, I guess. But I don't know what else I can do. I've tried to get some herbs for this place, but.. I don't know what else to do.

[daughterofursa]

You can protect people without killing anyone. You've been doing that.

What do you mean about herbs?

[bakegarasu]

I guess. But it's... strange, to not kill things.

[He laughs a little bit.]

The yokai called me 'Doctor Karas'. I just read things from the books in the house, and the fact that since I was in fights so often I knew how to take care of wounds. But herbs can help with those things, so I bought some from the monument.

[daughterofursa]

We could definitely use more doctors.

I'm sure... you could find more books to help you.

[A week ago she might have suggested he ask Colin if he had any medical texts or technology things to help learn. She just can't do that today.]

[bakegarasu]

I'm not sure. I shouldn't hurt the people who I'm healing, but I don't... actually know what causes pain and what doesn't. Not for sure, at least.

[daughterofursa]

[Zuko frowns.]

I don't understand.

[bakegarasu]

... I can't feel pain. It's something with my nerves or whatever, but... I've lost an arm before and I couldn't even feel it.

[daughterofursa]

[This seems to make her more confused. She's definitely looking at him with an expression that says "but you have two arms."

Did he used to have more???]